It sounded like a knifing at least, but my wonderful day with Frances Malham had ensured that I was beyond caring. ‘I intended coming tonight, whatever happened. I don’t see how anybody could have done better than me in Canada, even though it didn’t work out.’ I stopped myself. Pride wouldn’t let me grovel to that bastard.
‘I’m the one to say whether it worked or not.’ He laughed, until he saw Parkhurst, who was standing alone, let his cigar-end fall on the carpet and tread it in. ‘Can’t you pick ’em up and put ’em in the ashtrays provided?’ He could play the heavy dad when he liked. ‘I’ll blind you if I see you do that again.’
Parkhurst looked red-hot pokers at him, then turned and said something to Cottapilly who had a glass of champagne in each hand.
‘It seemed to me you sent me to Canada as a decoy,’ I said. ‘Or because you thought it was the easiest way to get me killed.’
His arm came over me again, this time as if the anaconda had got a real grip on the south-east leg of the heavy walnut table, and squeezed my shoulders. ‘You’ve got guts, Michael. And you’re clever. You’re also lucky. Not only that, but you’ve got a sense of humour. If ever I want someone for a hard job, I don’t ask whether they’re intelligent, or lucky, or experienced (though they’ve got to be all of that), but if they can take a joke.’
‘One of these days I’ll die laughing, though I wouldn’t mind knowing exactly what did happen when I got to Toronto.’
He took out a couple of Partagas and we lit up. ‘Let me say this: in the bag you carried was a lot of paper work which couldn’t be trusted to the post. It was worth a lot of money, so we had to send somebody like you, otherwise the Green Toe Gang wouldn’t think it was genuine. Now they do, and they’re acting on information that’s ruining their operations in North America. Certainly, it was a dangerous job, but what do you think I’m handing you this thousand-pound bonus for?’ He slipped the cheque into my lapel pocket, behind the tip of white handkerchief. ‘I expected you to get back. I can’t afford to have a valuable and trusted friend like you get hurt.’
‘I feel reassured.’
‘Imagine, Michael, if I’d sent someone of lesser calibre than your good self.’ He took a good long puff at his cigar. So did I. ‘Take Kenny Dukes. He’d have bought the biggest teddy bear at London Airport as a present for a tart he knows in Toronto. Cottapilly would have gone for a giant fire-engine to keep him company on the long flight. They’d have been spotted straightaway because those hotheads over there would have thought they didn’t intend to deliver the goods. No, it had to be someone like you, who’s got no foibles and would deliver the stuff without a hitch.’
‘I feel better all the time.’
‘“If the earthenware pot floats downstream with the brass ones we all know what must happen to them.”’
‘It’s kind of you to say so,’ I said in the right tone of voice.
‘You’re so cool and clear-thinking it’s as if you’re not as working-class as you say you are. Still, life is a bit of a mystery at times. I would have had you to dinner after the Blaskin party, but that’s not my way of doing things. When you invite only one person to dinner he’s always unnerved because he doesn’t know whether he’s come to eat or be eaten.’
We laughed, as if we had been nothing but friends for years, and that even in death we would not be divided. ‘When the ladies have retired,’ he said, ‘there’s going to be a meeting. I’ve a job in the offing that I’ve been contemplating for years. We’re going to deal the Green Toe Gang a blow which will settle their hash in this country. In the meantime, go and enjoy yourself, while I talk to my dear wife.’
I could never decide whether life was too short or life was too long. Mrs Blemish was dishing out champagne at the drinks table and either she didn’t know me, or she was playing the part of waitress which included not knowing anyone at all. She wore a white cap across her grey hair and a short black apron, and looked far more self-possessed than the forlorn woman I had given a lift to near Goole. I reminded her of the occasion, but she smiled, and said while filling my glass: ‘I’m on duty, sir.’
I drank to her. ‘Congratulations on getting away from Percy. That’s all that matters.’
She had the most beautiful bow-like lips, suggesting that her teeth were still perfect. But those lovely lips trembled, and I felt like kicking myself for having reminded her of less fortunate days.
‘A month after I got this job, he found me. I don’t know how. He pleaded with me to go back to Tinderbox Cottage. I said I wouldn’t. I was polishing the silver at the time. He threw a bundle of it across the floor, and Lord Moggerhanger heard the dreadful clash and came in to ask what was going on. He swore at being disturbed. Percy said he was my husband and wanted me at home, but Lord Moggerhanger told him that I had agreed to work for him, and that he and Lady Moggerhanger were so satisfied with me that they wouldn’t let me go, and that if Percy didn’t clear out he would have him thrown out. Then Percy pleaded to be given a job as well, and Lord Moggerhanger, after thinking about, it agreed to take him on as a handyman. He could catalogue the books in his library. Percy did this in a couple of days, and I’d never seen him so happy. But when he finished he attacked me with a knife. Lord Moggerhanger came in and knocked him down. He wouldn’t let him go, even then. In fact he was even less inclined to do so but sent him to be the caretaker of a place called Peppercorn Cottage. I’ve never been there, and don’t want to, but Percy can stay forever for all I care, as long as he’s out of the way. I told Lady Moggerhanger that I would only remain providing I didn’t see Percy. She said she would talk to Lord Moggerhanger, and see if he wouldn’t keep Percy away from me. I haven’t seen him for a fortnight, and that’s longer than at any time since before we were married. I feel a new woman.’
‘You look it.’
She filled my glass without gauging the amount, though none was spilled. ‘I’ll never forget your help. When you gave me a lift to the Great North Road, you brought me luck.’
‘The luck of the Irish.’ I wished her more for the future.
‘There’s something about my husband that Lord Moggerhanger likes,’ she said. ‘He seemed to regard Percy even more highly when he became violent and dangerous.’
‘That’s how some people are,’ I said, reluctant to go further into the matter. A couple of waiters wheeled in the food, so I went to get my share. Toffeebottle was a small, bald but very compact man with big hands, and eyes of pig-cunning. God knows where Moggerhanger had picked him up. He wore a black suit and bow-tie at the throat of his ruffled white shirt, which made him hardly distinguishable from the waiters. He reached for the boneyard of chicken legs in aspic jelly and put three on his plate. Then he helped himself to chips, boiled potatoes, rice, corn salad and bread and butter. ‘You can come back for your cheese and dessert,’ I said.
He turned, from an acquiring world absolutely his own, and I put his accent a few miles north-north-east of Manchester: ‘There’ll be bugger-all left then, Mr Cullen.’