Moggerhanger joined in our laughter, which said a lot for him. ‘I know when to concede defeat. That’s another reason why I am where I am. Flexibility furthers, Confucius, he say.’
Mrs Blemish brought in a huge tea urn and a tray of mugs, and cake for everyone. Lady Moggerhanger and Polly went out, which left — apart from me and Lord Moggerhanger — Cottapilly, Pindarry, Kenny Dukes, Jericho Jim, Toffeebottle, Inspector Lanthorn, Matthew Coppice and Scottish George, and Mrs Whipplegate who stood by the telephone with her notebook.
Moggerhanger had learned from Lanthorn that the Green Toe Gang stored their loot in a farmhouse near Great Creaton in Northamptonshire. It was their number-one depot containing counterfeit money, airline tickets, national insurance stamps, traveller’s cheques and real money, amounting in value to more than two million pounds. There was also, as it was quaintly put, a quantity of poppy seed. ‘The value of which,’ Moggerhanger said, ‘doesn’t bear thinking about — or it won’t till we have it safely under lock and key.’
‘I could have the lads move in,’ Lanthorn said, ‘but if you promise me a quarter, which is not asking too much, I’ll give you three days to get the stuff out first. All I want is you to leave a bag of poppy seed for me to charge the Green Toe Gang with when I make my raid on Day Four.’
Cottapilly said they could pull off the raid with no trouble, providing they had plenty of back-up, plus a couple of decoy cars. Buckshot Farm was a mile from the main road, and close to junctions of the M1, the M45 and the M6. In a couple of hours we could be anywhere in the country. With four getaway cars no one would know which one to chase, even supposing they were in a condition to do so, Cottapilly said, accentuating his hatchet face. If it happened that the laden car was pursued, the other three could close in on the pursuers and, as it was put, see to them.
It was a neat idea because nobody would be breaking the law. To rob robbers seemed a reasonable thing. And if we did stray onto the wrong side of legality I could justify it with the argument that I was taking part in the raid only as a means of trying to find some way of getting Moggerhanger and Lanthorn put behind bars.
Cottapilly showed us a map of the area. Polaroid photos went around the table, of a plain, slate-roofed farmhouse, six windows at the back and six at the front, an isolated building without sheds or barns, suggesting that it was no longer a working concern, if ever it had been. ‘It’s a good name,’ Moggerhanger said.
‘Buckshot it could be,’ George laughed.
Toffeebottle straightened his bow-tie. ‘There’s often no other way with the naughty boys of the Green Toe Gang.’
Parkhurst sat to the right of the door, mindlessly striking matches and letting them drop into an ashtray placed there by Alice Whipplegate — who was also short-handing the notes of the meeting. I wondered if Blaskin would ever get access to the obviously extensive archives.
‘It’s a third of a mile off the main road,’ Moggerhanger said, ‘but as a car turns up the lane, the warning flags’ll go up from the house. Don’t imagine they’ll be sleeping on the job. But you can see from the map that Snowdrop Wood comes to within two hundred yards, and another lane passes the far end of the trees. So use the cover. Car A will set Kenny and Jericho down at the back end of the wood at eight-thirty. After the car’s dropped them it will be driven around the area, but make sure to be on station at the lane junction with the main road by nine o’clock — when all hell will be let loose. Parkhurst will drive that car. Oh yes, he’ll do it, don’t worry.’
‘If I must,’ he said.
‘You’re not my son if you don’t want to be in on a bit of fun like this. Cottapilly will drive car B, with Pindarry and Toffeebottle. At one minute to nine they’ll shoot up the lane to Buckshot Farm, to make the full frontal assault. Do it quick. You’ll be supported by Kenny and Jericho, who by this time will have got through the wood. At four minutes to nine they’ll race the two hundred yards to the back of the house and force an entry. So it’s A at the back, and B at the front.
‘Car C, with George driving, will wait on the main road two hundred yards north of the lane-opening while the argy-bargy’s going on. He’ll be facing south, and will stay on station to ram any pursuit car coming from Buckshot Farm after the aforementioned argy-bargy’s finished and car B with the loot has shot out of the lane, though I hope the occupants of that car won’t neglect to immobilise any motor transport at the farm that could possibly be used against them. When the Green Toe lads have got their quietus, load the stuff up as quick as you can. Don’t start checking to see what you’ve got. It ain’t a clipboard operation. Just work like navvies and get it inside the transport. Car D, Mr Cullen driving, will wait one mile north of the village. Car B will transfer the load to him. Michael will have the yellow Roller, and be in position by five minutes past nine, and facing north. As soon as he’s loaded, he’ll set off for Peppercorn Cottage, which only he knows how to find in the dark.’
‘What do I do when I get there?’ I was thankful not to be in on the actual assault. I wasn’t afraid of rough stuff, but firearms might well be involved, and I neither wanted to kill nor be killed. They were only there for a threat, said Jericho Jim — but if the other side had similar threateners, anything could happen.
‘Mr Blemish will help you to unload. All you have to do then is wait, rats notwithstanding.’
Kenny Dukes shivered. ‘Better you than me.’
‘As for the rest of the cars’ — Moggerhanger spoke as slowly as his excitement would allow — ‘after car B has transferred its load to Michael it’ll follow car D for a while. Car C (the Range Rover) will deal with any pursuers by running them off the road, if need be. Car B will be the Jaguar, and will go south if any pursuers from Buckshot Farm decide to follow. If you’re not pursued, keep after A and D to make sure D is not molested. When D is finally safe, A goes north to Spleen Manor, C comes back here, and B goes to Breezeblock Villa at Back Enderby. And no quiet booze-ups in a village pub, neither coming nor going. Any questions?’
I think our heads were spinning. Mine was.
‘I’ll go through it six times more, just to make sure you can recite it backwards before midnight.’
I put my hand up. It was like being at college. ‘What about air cover?’ I was going to ask, but didn’t, because Moggerhanger had no use for levity, unless it was his. ‘Air cover?’ he’d say at best. ‘I’ll lay on a fleet of choppers from Luton, if you like.’
‘When do we set off?’
‘I’m glad you asked that.’ He was sarcastic. ‘You’ve got three days, and all leave’s cancelled from this point in time. I’d prefer dry weather. No thunderstorms, fog, freak hail, or lengthy periods of rain which will turn the countryside into either a skating rink or a quagmire. I’ve seen too many things go wrong in bad weather. So I’ll keep tabs on the met office and wait till they can give me a halfway decent forecast, though I can’t leave it too long because I want nights of maximum darkness. We don’t want even a sliver of moon in the offing. On the day, though, you’ll set out from twelve hundred hours. As there are four cars, you’ll leave at half hour intervals — as long as you’re on station at the appointed time. All vehicles will be in perfect condition, and topped up with petrol, by which I mean it’ll be at least a month since they were serviced. I say that advisedly, because in my experience cars in this country are more likely to break down immediately after they come back from the garage — if they’re going to do so at all. It’s disgraceful the way long-haired overweight ignorant bloody lads are allowed to crawl over a car with a Taiwan tranny belting out monkey-yammer while they tinker about with a spanner and grease-gun. No wonder they leave half the things undone, and do everything they shouldn’t. They can’t even write their own names. Now, where was I?’