He whistled. ‘Two million?’
‘Knocking three, with the dope. Maybe four.’
‘Better you than me. But if you want any help, put me in the boot of the Roller. I’d do anything for a ride in Claud’s best motor. He must be pretty sure of pulling it off if he’s let you have that. It’s the best kept car in England.’
‘I can manage. There’ll be eight of us altogether.’
‘Nine would be better.’
‘I’ll take Dismal.’ I tapped the brute with my boot. A party of bird watchers walked along the bridge, each with binoculars and a recognition manual. ‘Let’s go inside where we can talk.’
‘It’s scorching today,’ he said. ‘I do nothing but drink. Maybe Maria will make us a pot of her strong tea. I’ve trained her to mash a pot of jollop in true Nottinghamshire style. I’m very proud of that, Michael. I’ve not been completely idle since coming here.’
We sat in the cool living room. Even Bridgitte had never made the place gleam like this. ‘How does she find the time to do so much?’
‘She’s at it from morning till night.’
‘She’s pregnant. She should be taking care of herself.’
He lay back on the settee. ‘I know. I try to tell her. But she won’t listen. And do you know, Michael’ — he got up and leaned forward — ‘she’s a little bogger. She’s at me all night. Bloody marvellous. I feel like the Caliph of Baghdad. It’s as if there was three of her. I keep telling her she ought to stop because she’s having a young ’un, but it don’t mek a blind bit o’ difference. It’s just one more thing I’ve got to thank you for.’
‘I’ll regret it to my dying day.’
He got up and chucked me under the chin. ‘I’m going to marry her, though. We’re all set for it. I don’t do owt by halves. I’ll just ask her to bring us some tea, and cheese sandwiches.’ Dismal must have heard, for he came in and lay by the empty firegrate. I stroked his head. He would keep me company while I was driving through the night to Peppercorn Cottage. He might earn his keep by devouring a few rats, and maybe holding Percy Blemish at bay if he got sufficiently deranged to come at me with a knife.
‘The fact is,’ Bill said, ‘that eight of you might very well be enough. On the other hand, if there’s Tu-tu to reckon with, it might very well not be.’
‘Who?’
‘Tu-tu.’
‘Who the hell’s she?’
‘It’s he. He used to be known as Bantam, because he’s under five foot and very thin, but he took against the name all of a sudden and said he didn’t want to be called Bantam anymore. Well, because he was a crack shot with a two-two rifle, we called him Two-two. He didn’t mind that. I never knew his real name. I’ll tell you one thing, though, there might be eight of you, but if Two-two spotted you he’d pick you all off if you tried to rush him from a hundred yards.’
‘Not the way we’re doing it.’
‘Oh, it’s two at the back and two at the front, is it? But you’ll need to send two down the chimney as well if Two-two’s anywhere near.’
‘Are you sure he’s in their gang?’
‘Was, last time I heard. Where the hell’s Maria got to with that grub?’
‘Take your sweat.’ I had a couple of shotguns and a two-two rifle hidden in the house, with plenty of ammunition, from the days when I went shooting for the pot. ‘I can’t take you with me.’
He shook his head, a glint of envy, his teeth clenched. ‘With your rifle I could cover you. Anybody showed his snout at an upstairs window and I’d have him in half a second, right between the eyes. I got a rabbit and two pigeons with it the other day.’
‘I thought I’d hidden it.’
‘Michael, from me? Hidden anything from me? Don’t grumble. We should both get in that car. None of Claud’s lot will see me if you throw a couple of blankets over me in the back. We’ll take the rifle and the shotguns. Just tell me your plan of attack, and I’ll explain how we do it. I was in the Sherwood Foresters all through the war. With a few chaps from the Old Stubborns I’d clean half London up.’
Maria came in with a laden tray, and he couldn’t resist stroking her arse as she set it down, but she kissed him, so he had his reward twice over. I was tempted to take him to Buckshot Farm, because he was capable of doing all he said, but his presence would alter the balance of the plan. I explained the scheme in case he could offer any constructive criticism.
Three sandwiches and a pint of tea went into his trapdoor. ‘Four cars is too much.’ He drew a hand across his mouth. ‘Two’s plenty. Then you’ve got six blokes for the assault. Claud always was extravagant with motors. You want precision, not saturation. If you’ve got three at the back and three at the front, you’ve got one man at each side to cover the two who go in. Right?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘Right. Of the two who go in, one bloke runs straight upstairs and works his way down. The other bloke stays as a door-block with a cosh to catch ’em. Same from both sides. Can’t miss. Depends on the size of the house, but it definitely sounds as if you need six, not four. If it was one of a row of houses we could approach it on a parallel track by blowing holes through the walls with grenades till we got to the house we wanted. I was a bloody dab hand at street fighting. Loved it. It’d be a picnic for me, Michael. I’ll cover you from the front, and make four Molotov cocktails before we go, to lob through the windows if things get sticky.’
‘Fuck you,’ I exclaimed. ‘We want to capture the place, not have a holocaust.’
‘I was getting carried away, I admit. You can scrub the Molotov cocktail bit. But you see my point, Michael? Just drop me off in the vicinity half an hour beforehand. I’ll saw the end off one of your shotguns and stick it under my coat, and take one of your kitchen knives. I’ll put a hood over my face and blacken my hands. When you hear me whistle from the front upstairs window you’ll be able to walk in. I’ll have ’em trussed up neatly for you.’
‘I thought you were in love,’ I said. ‘You sound bored out of your mind.’
‘A bit o’ both never comes amiss.’
‘We don’t want a conflagration,’ I said, ‘and we don’t want a massacre. We only want the goods.’
‘That’s as maybe, Michael, but if Two-two’s anywhere near, watch out. I wouldn’t like to see you come back on crutches. You wouldn’t live very well on a pension from Moggerhanger.’
‘The plan’s not only been fixed, but it’s already in operation. They’d die if they knew I was talking to you about it. I must be out of my mind.’
‘I’ve got your best interests at heart. I owe you too much not to have. I suppose I’m getting sentimental in my old age.’
I finished my first sandwich, the last on the plate. ‘I’m taking Dismal for company. I’d also like a few flasks, tins of food, and parcels of sandwiches. You never know. I like to be well supplied with grub when I’m on a car trip. There’s less chance of having an accident. I also want the two-two rifle with fifty cartridges, and one of the shotguns.’
‘You’re very wise,’ he said. ‘Maria will go to the village shop and get some more bread. I tried teaching her to drive the other day in your old banger, but she didn’t seem to get the hang of the steering wheel, so she’ll have to go on the bike.’
I always kept the keys on me, but starting the engine with a bit of wire would have been no problem for him. ‘As long as she doesn’t take too much time. I can’t be late for my appointment.’
‘What’s the hurry? It’s only four o’clock. You don’t have to be there till nine, which means you can lounge around here till seven, and still make it if you crawl along at thirty miles an hour.’