O-Hide had finally managed to get this far when Tsuda abruptly interposed a question.
“Hold on a minute. Are you talking about duty or kindness? Which?”
“To me they’re the same thing.”
“Is that so? That leaves me nothing to say. And then?”
“There’s no and then! I’m speaking about because. It hurts me to have you thinking I went behind your backs and provoked Father and Mother and deprived you both of freedom as a result. That’s why I came here today, because I want to provide you with just the amount you need. The truth is, I wanted to come the minute Sister called yesterday, but there was something I had to do at home in the morning, and in the afternoon I had to go the bank on the same business and was unable to get here. It’s such a small amount of money it isn’t worth talking about; I just want to say it seems a shame that you can be so unaware of my concern for you.”
O-Nobu studied Tsuda’s face as he maintained his silence.
“Say something, Yoshio!”
“Such as?”
“Such as Thanks! Thanks to O-Hide for her kindness.”
“I don’t appreciate having my arm twisted to be grateful for such a piddling amount of money.”
“I just said I wasn’t looking for your gratitude!” O-Hide exclaimed defensively, her voice rising toward shrillness. O-Nobu managed to preserve the calmness she had begun with.
“That’s why I’m saying you should put your stubbornness behind you and say thanks. If you dislike the idea of borrowing the money then don’t take it, but thank O-Hide-san anyway.”
O-Hide grimaced. Tsuda’s mien conveyed his disgruntlement.
[107]
THEY FOUND themselves in an odd predicament. Bound together by the course of the conversation, it became difficult gradually to shift away to other subjects. Leaving the room was of course impossible. Their only choice was to remain as they were and search for a resolution.
In the eyes of someone able to assess dispassionately and at a distance their respective positions and circumstances, their problem would have registered as something small and insignificant. Nor did they require someone to point this out to be well aware of it. Even so, they had to contend. The background they carried on their shoulders reached out with complex hands from a past unknown to others and easily manipulated them.
In the end Tsuda and O-Hide engaged in a dialogue rather like the following.
“If I hadn’t said anything in the beginning, that would have been the end of it, but now I’ve brought it up it will feel terrible to go home with what I’ve brought without giving it to you, so please, Brother, take what I have.”
“If you want to leave it, go ahead.”
“But I want you to acknowledge that you’re accepting it.”
“I have no idea what the devil I’m supposed to do to satisfy you, why can’t you just state your conditions outright?”
“I’m not making a fuss about conditions. I’m asking you to accept gracefully what I have for you. I’m asking you to behave as if we were brother and sister, that’s all. Then all you’d have to do is say you’re sorry to Father, a few words you genuinely mean.”
“I already apologized to Father quite some time ago. You know perfectly well I did. And it wasn’t just a few words.”
“But I don’t mean that kind of mechanical apology. I mean genuine regret from the bottom of your heart.”
Tsuda had been thinking his sister wasn’t requiring much. But regret hadn’t occurred to him.
“You’re telling me my apology was insincere? I may really want the money, but I also happen to be a man! I’m not about to bow and scrape, think about it.”
“But the truth is, you really want the money.”
“Who said I didn’t?”
“And that’s why you apologized to Father, isn’t it!”
“Why apologize otherwise?”
“Exactly! And that’s why Father stopped giving you money. You don’t realize that?”
Tsuda went silent. O-Hide pursued him at once.
“As long as you feel that way, it’s not only Father, I can’t give you money either.”
“Then don’t. I’m not trying to pry it out of you.”
“That’s not how it sounds. You said you really want the money.”
“When?”
“You’ve been saying it for a while.”
“That’s a damn lie. Numbskull!”
“It’s not a lie. You can’t tell me you haven’t been saying it all along to yourself over and over again. You’re not frank, Brother, so you can’t say it out loud.”
Tsuda looked at O-Hide with grim fierceness in his eyes. His stare was lit with hatred. Nor was there any indication that his conscience was making him ashamed. When he spoke, even O-Nobu was surprised by what he said. With the utmost composure he could command, he said precisely the opposite of what she had expected.
“O-Hide, it’s just as you say. Let me start again and reveal myself to you. This brother of yours desperately needs the money you’ve brought. Let me declare that you are a woman filled with deep sisterly love. I appreciate your kindness. So please, by all means, leave the money at my pillow side.”
O-Hide’s hands trembled with anger. She flushed bright red. Her blood appeared to be rushing all at once into her face. This was vividly apparent beneath the whiteness of her skin. Only her tone of voice was little changed. Smiling wanly even in her anger, she abruptly dropped her brother and turned sparkling eyes on O-Nobu.
“Sister, what shall I do? Since my brother has gone to the trouble of saying all that, shall I just leave the money?”
“Whatever you decide.”
“Yes? But he did say the money was an absolute necessity.”
“That may be so for him. As for me, I have no need of the money whatsoever.”
“So you and brother are separate?”
“Not in the least. We’re a couple after all; take us or leave us.”
“I don’t—”
O-Nobu didn’t let her finish.
“Whatever my husband needs, I make sure to provide for him.”
With these words, O-Nobu took from her obi the check she had received from Uncle Okamoto the day before.
[108]
AS SHE handed the check to Tsuda, making sure that O-Hide could see it, O-Nobu had in mind a request to make of him. Based on the turn of the conversation thus far and on her own personality, her request was more important to her than anything else. If only, she prayed silently, her husband, aligning himself with her, would accept the check! He might nod with a faint smile of relief and let it fall carelessly to the tatami alongside his pillow, or again, he might hand it back to her with a word of thanks that was simple enough yet conveyed his profound satisfaction with his wife — if only, with regard to the disposition of the check, he would allow O-Hide to perceive a previous understanding existing between them, the kind of understanding that befitted a couple, that would suffice.
Regretfully, O-Nobu’s action and the check itself were too abrupt for Tsuda. Beyond that, his sensibility regarding a theatrical gesture in a case like this was somewhat different from his wife’s. He stared at the check with an odd look on his face. Then he asked, taking his time, “What the devil is this?”
Instantly the coldness in his voice and the equivalent coldness of the inquiry itself was a hateful blow to O-Nobu’s eagerness. Her expectation had been betrayed.
“It’s nothing special — you needed something so I arranged to get it for you.”
The words were spoken casually, but O-Nobu was trembling inside. She was terrified that Tsuda would pursue the matter. That would serve only to reveal to O-Hide that there was no understanding whatsoever between them.