Tsuda was consumed with curiosity about what she would say. The lady continued.
“I bring this up only because I don’t believe anyone else could say it to your face — and please don’t think I’ve been coached by O-Hide. If this should be awkward for her later, I’d feel awful. I’m sure you understand. It’s true she came here with the same thing on her mind. But her point is different. She’s mostly worried about Kyoto. I understand, from your point of view, that Kyoto is all about your father and simply can’t be neglected. Especially since he asked my husband to look after you — you can hardly afford to turn your back and say nothing. The problem, as I see it, is that Kyoto is only a branch and the root is elsewhere; I think you should consider beginning treatment at the root. Otherwise we’re certain to run into the same sort of misunderstanding we have just now. It’s one thing if it’s merely a misunderstanding, but if O-Hide comes racing over here each time, it makes it very difficult for me to say anything.”
It was clear enough that the root of misfortune the lady had in mind was O-Nobu. And how was she suggesting it should be treated? Inasmuch as there was no physical illness, Tsuda wondered how the word “treatment” could be used so casually unless it referred to separation or divorce.
[135]
HE COULDN’T help asking.
“What are you suggesting I do?”
The matron assumed the condescending look of a mother in the face of a childish question. But she didn’t get right to the point. She merely smiled, as if to say “that was precisely the question.”
“Let me ask you, how do you feel about Nobuko-san?”
Tsuda recalled his reply to O-Hide when he had been asked the same question in the same words the day before. He hadn’t prepared a special answer for Madam. That at least allowed him the freedom to reply however he liked. In truth, he felt inclined to provide whatever reply would please her. The difficulty was, he couldn’t imagine what such an answer might be. Thrown off balance and flustered, he grinned. Madam took advantage of his silence to close the distance between them another step.
“I assume you care for her.”
Even here, Tsuda was insufficiently prepared. If it were a matter of dealing with the lady half in jest, there were any number of things he might have said. A responsible reply, however, seriously considered and delivered in a form that was likely to please, did not come easily. What was most convenient, and most inconvenient at the same time, was his feeling that he could speak freely from his heart either way. The truth was, he loved O-Nobu, and then again he didn’t love her so very much.
The lady appeared increasingly grave. The tone of her third question allowed him no escape.
“I promise this will remain a secret between us, so I want you to tell me the truth. I’m not asking for much. A word from you, how you truly feel, and I’ll be satisfied.”
At a loss for what to say, Tsuda felt more and more flustered. The lady spoke.
“You’re so irritating! Can’t you just get on with it, say what you have to say like a man? Nobody’s asking you anything so very difficult.”
Finally, Tsuda felt compelled to speak.
“It’s not that I can’t answer you. But it’s a complex question, ambiguous—”
“Shall I speak for you, then? May I?”
“Please.”
“The fact is—” the lady began, interrupted herself, and continued again.
“You’re sure you don’t mind? You know how undiplomatic I can be, I often find myself regretting having spoken my mind after the fact, when it’s too late to take it back.”
“Please feel free.”
“But if I make you angry at me, the damage is done. Apologizing afterward won’t make any difference — I’ll have played the fool and I don’t want that.”
“But so long as nothing you could say will bother me.”
“I suppose, if you’re sure about that.”
“I promise. True or false, I couldn’t get angry about anything you said. So you shouldn’t feel in the least constrained.”
Having decided it was far easier to place all the responsibility on his companion’s shoulders, Tsuda followed his promise with an encouraging look at the lady, as if to prompt her. It was then, having solicited and received assurance repeatedly, that she finally spoke out.
“Forgive me if I’m mistaken. Secretly, I don’t think you truly care for O-Nobu as much as everyone supposes. Unlike Hideko-san, I’ve suspected as much for quite a while. Are my observations accurate?”
Tsuda was unmoved.
“Of course. Didn’t I tell you before that I don’t care for O-Nobu that much?”
“But you were just being agreeable.”
“I was telling the truth.”
This Madam adamantly refused to accept.
“You shouldn’t try to fool me, of all people. Very well then, may I go on?”
“Please.”
“Even though you don’t care that much for Nobuko-san, you do everything in your power to have others think that you adore her, am I right?”
“Did O-Nobu say anything of the sort?”
“No!” she retorted crisply. “But you say it all the time. I can read it clearly in your face and in your attitude.”
The matron paused a minute. Then she continued.
“I’ve hit the target, haven’t I? And that isn’t all — I even understand exactly your reason for sustaining appearances.”
[136]
THIS WAS the first time Tsuda had heard Madam Yoshikawa speak this way. He hadn’t troubled himself with speculation about how she viewed his marriage from the sidelines, and now he had an inkling. Thinking she might at least have alerted him sooner, he decided nonetheless that he was well advised to listen patiently to her assessments. “Why not just say everything on your mind? It will help me understand how to carry on from here.”
Having come thus far, Madam would hardly have been able to restrain herself even without an invitation from Tsuda, and she proceeded to lay out in front of him everything that remained on her mind.
“I know you treat Nobuko-san so well because you feel an obligation to my husband and Okamoto. If you’d like to hear it even more bluntly, I can oblige you. You make it appear to others that you care for her deeply, while in your heart that isn’t exactly so — am I right or am I wrong?”
Tsuda would never have dreamed that his companion was observing him so cynically.
“That’s how I appear to you?”
“Indeed it is!”
She might as well have slashed him with a Japanese sword. Reeling, he sought an explanation.
“What is it about me that you see?”
“Why bother to conceal it?”
“I’m not aware of concealing anything.”
Madam bore down with confidence that ten out of ten of her assumptions were accurate. Tsuda was unable to concede entirely, and the vagueness of his responses suggested unspoken reservations. It was easily seen that these would become the seeds of further misunderstanding. Repeating herself endlessly, the lady drove Tsuda in precisely the direction she wished him to move.
“Concealing things simply won’t do! You make it impossible for me to continue.”
Tsuda was determined to hear the rest. As he listened to what followed, he found he had no choice but to accept every one of her conclusions.
“Is that clear enough?” When she had driven him into a corner, she advanced yet another step.
“You’re making a big mistake. You’re putting me in the same boat as my husband. And you make no distinction between my husband and Okamoto. Perhaps that’s understandable, but it’s absurd of you, a huge misunderstanding, to lump me together with them, at least where this issue is concerned. It’s astonishing to me that someone who’s read as many books as you have should make such a simple mistake.”