For her part, O-Nobu was also in the process of changing following the upheaval. Having confronted her husband in this manner for the first time, she had been so intent on striking at his weakness that she had finished by showing him a weakness of her own that she had never revealed until now, and this above all she regretted. Desiring nothing more than to be loved by Tsuda, she was accustomed to believing implicitly she could rely on her own skill. She was resolved that her wisdom in all things should prevail. Needless to say, her insight could not be called complex. It was hardly more than a stubborn determination not to indulge in unseemly behavior such as bowing her head in an appeal for pity no matter how essential to her existence her husband’s love may have been. It was a firm resolve to demonstrate, should her husband fail to love her as she desired, that she could free herself with the power of her own wits. Sustaining this determination had taken its toll in constant tension. It was inevitable that this extreme of tension must snap. When it did, all too clearly, she would be compelled to betray her own determination. Unaware of the contradiction, the unfortunate girl charged headlong. And finally she snapped. Afterward she was filled with regret. Happily the outcome was not as cruel as she might have thought. Even as she exposed her weakness, she received a kind of reward. Until now, no matter how flushed with victory she may have been, the effect on her husband had never once satisfied her, but this time there was a slight change. Tsuda, heading in the general direction of her satisfaction, took a step closer. Unmistakably he had used the word “compromise.” The choice of words amounted to a tacit confession of the existence under the rose of the secret she was laboring to spade up. Confession? She tested the notion on herself. And when she had confirmed to her own satisfaction that it was unmistakably a confession akin to a tacit acknowledgment, she felt at once chagrined and happy. She didn’t press her husband further. Just as Tsuda had felt sorry for her, she found herself able to feel sorry for him.
[151]
BUT THE natural course of things proved unexpectedly stubborn. They were unable to separate on this note. An odd twist in the conversation threatened to roil again the stormy sea that had begun to calm.
It happened as O-Nobu was beginning to quiet her agitated feelings. The effect of the turbulence she had come through was already working on her. As a person who has had too much to drink will make use of his intoxication, she turned to Tsuda.
“When do you plan to go to that spa?”
“I was thinking as soon as I get out of here. The sooner I can soak this body at a hot springs, the better I’ll feel.”
“I can imagine. There’s no point delaying now that you’ve decided to go.”
Feeling that the matter had been settled, Tsuda was relieved. As he relaxed, O-Nobu dealt him a surprise.
“I’d love to go along if you don’t mind.”
Tsuda had lowered his guard and now he was aghast. He had to consider carefully before he replied. It had never occurred to him to take her with him. Which made opposing her now the more difficult. One false note and there was no telling how she might react. As he deliberated what to say, a critical moment passed. O-Nobu persisted.
“You don’t mind, do you?”
“Not really—”
“What does that mean? You do mind?”
“It’s not that I mind—”
Tsuda’s desire not to take her was in danger of being dragged little by little into the light. Understanding that the slightest indication of suspicion in O-Nobu’s eye would mean an end to the matter, He was being influenced by the same psychology that governed O-Nobu. The effect of the recent storm had already possessed him. He had no choice but to make use of it in his way. He recalled the two-character Chinese compound for “appeasement.” Appeasement would do the trick. No woman can resist being appeased. Armed with this new conclusion, he turned to O-Nobu.
“Of course you can come. In fact, it would be a boon to me if you did. I’ll have trouble managing by myself. Nothing could be better than having you there to look after me.”
“It makes me so happy to hear that. Of course I’ll come.”
“There’s just one thing—”
O-Nobu frowned.
“What?”
“The house. What will you do about the house?”
“Toki will be there, so I won’t have to worry.”
“You won’t have to worry — that’s so typical of you, careless as a child.”
“What’s careless about that? If you think Toki can’t watch the house by herself, I’ll have someone stay with her.”
O-Nobu recited the names of several people who would be suitable house sitters; Tsuda rejected them one after the other.
“A young man will hardly do. We can’t leave Toki alone in the house with a man.”
O-Nobu laughed.
“What are you suggesting? There won’t be time enough for anything improper.”
“You don’t know that. You have no idea.”
Tsuda put up an adamant front even as he made a show of considering.
“I wonder if there isn’t someone. An old grannie somewhere close by would be just what we need.”
But there was no one so conveniently available either at the Fujiis or the Okamotos or anywhere else.
“Let me think about it.”
Tsuda’s attempt to conclude the conversation with this misfired. O-Nobu was in no hurry to release the sleeve she had grabbed.
“What if you have no thoughts, what will happen then? If we can’t find someone, will that mean I can’t go along?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“But there won’t be a grannie just waiting around to help out — it doesn’t take thinking about it to know that much. So if you won’t allow me to go anyway, why not just tell me so and get it over with?”