‘Tim’s always saying that.’
‘Given that he’s always saying it, you really don’t listen to him very often.’
‘Because he’s always going on at me! You know that. It’s impossible to say a sensible word about the girl to him!’
‘Perhaps because good sense hasn’t much to do with her condition.’
‘Then you tell me what her problem is.’
‘Her imagination, I would say.’
‘Oh, brilliant!’ snorted Julian. ‘If that were the case, I’d be inundated with problems.’
‘When the imagination overpowers reason, it’s always a kind of madness,’ Amber observed sententiously. ‘You’re a bit mad too, but you’re a special case. You distribute your madness to everybody with both hands, you cultivate it, people applaud you for it. You love your madness, and that’s why it loves you and enables you to save the world. Have you ever been troubled by the idea that you might have overstretched yourself?’
‘I worry about making wrong decisions.’
‘That’s not the same thing. I mean, do you ever feel anything like anxiety?’
‘Everyone gets frightened.’
‘Hang on there. Fear. Slight difference! Fear is the result of your startled reason, my dear Julian, it’s real, because it’s object-related and because it’s explained by concrete factors. We’re afraid of dogs, drunk Arsenal fans and possible changes to tax legislation. I’m talking about anxiety. The vague fog in which anything at all might be lurking. The anxiety that you might fail, that you might fall short, you might have misjudged yourself, that you might cause some sort of disaster, paralysing anxiety, the fear of yourself, in the end. Ever have that?’
‘Hmm.’ Julian fell silent for a moment. ‘Should I?’
‘No, what would be the point? You are who you are. But Lynn isn’t like that.’
‘She’s never said anything about anxiety.’
‘Wrong. You weren’t listening, because your ears were always full of adrenalin. Do you at least know what happened five years ago?’
‘I know she had a huge amount to do. My fault, perhaps. But I said take a rest, didn’t I? And she did. And after that she built the Stellar Island Hotel, the OSS Grand, Gaia, she was more efficient than ever. So if it’s exhaustion that you’re all making such a fuss about, then—’
‘We’re not making a fuss,’ Amber said, annoyed now. ‘And by the way, I was always the one who defended you to Tim, so much so that he’s been asking me if I get money for it. And every time I say, “Blessed are the ignorant.” Believe me, Julian, I’m on your side, I’ve always had a heart for slow-witted people, I can even see some lovable aspects in your boneheadedness; maybe that’s a product of social work. So I actually love you for not understanding the slightest thing, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way, does it? And you still haven’t worked out what’s going on.’
‘That’s enough.’
‘Just to remind you, it was you who wanted to talk to me about Lynn rather than answering my question.’
‘So explain to me what’s wrong with her.’
‘You want me to explain your daughter’s psyche to you, here in the middle of the Oceanus Procellarum?’
‘I’d be grateful for any attempt to do so.’
‘Oh my good God.’ She thought for a second. ‘Okay, then, the headlines: do you believe Lynn was suffering from exhaustion back then?’
‘Yes.’
‘Would you be surprised if I told you that overwork was the least of Lynn’s problems? Otherwise she could never have run Orley Travel or built your hotels. No, her problem is that as soon as she closes her eyes, mini-Lynns of every age start crowding in on her. Baby Lynns, child Lynns, teenager Lynns, daughter Lynns, Daddy’s-little-girl Lynns, who think they can only earn your recognition by becoming an even tougher cookie than you are. Lynn is absolutely terrified of this army from the past, which controls her day and night. She thinks control is everything. But she’s even more afraid of losing control, because she’s worried that something terrible might come to light, a Lynn who can’t exist, or perhaps even no Lynn at all, because the end of control would also mean the end of her existence. Do you understand?’
‘I’m not entirely sure,’ said Julian, like someone moving through a forest dotted with mantraps.
‘For Lynn, the idea of not having herself under control is more than frightening. For her, the loss of control basically means madness. She’s afraid of ending up like Crystal.’
‘You mean—’ He hesitated. ‘She’s afraid of going mad?’
‘Tim thinks that’s the case. He’s spent more time with her, he’s bound to know better, but I think, yes, that’s it exactly. Or it was five years ago.’
‘That’s what she’s afraid of?’
‘Afraid of failing, afraid of losing control and losing her mind. But what frightened her most were the terrible things she might be capable of in order to stay in control. By the way, did you know that suicide is also an act of control?’
‘Why are you talking about suicide now, for heaven’s sake?’
‘Come on, Julian.’ Amber sighed. ‘Because it’s all part of it. It doesn’t have to be physical suicide. I mean any act of self-destruction, destruction of your health, your existence, as soon as the fear of being exposed to destruction by outside forces becomes unbearable. You’d rather destroy yourself than let someone else do it. The ultimate act of control.’
‘And’ – Julian hesitated – ‘is it true that Lynn’s showing signs again, of – of this—’
‘At first I thought Tim was exaggerating. Now I think he’s right.’
‘But why don’t I see it? Why doesn’t something like that get through to me? Lynn has never shown me any weakness.’
‘So do you do that? Show weakness?’
‘I don’t know, Amber. I don’t think about things like that.’
‘Exactly. You don’t think. But nothing does any good, Julian. She doesn’t need time off to recover. She needs treatment. A long, very long course of treatment. At the end of that she may take over Orley Enterprises completely. But she might just paint flower paintings or grow hemp in Sri Lanka. Who knows who your daughter really is. She doesn’t know, at all events.’
Julian slowly breathed out.
‘Amber,’ he said. ‘There’s a chance that someone’s trying to blow Gaia up with an atom bomb. And that Lynn’s somehow involved.’
The revelation struck her with such force that she was momentarily lost for words. Her eyes drifted hopefully towards the sky, although she knew that Ganymede wouldn’t be coming.
‘How certain is it?’ she asked.
‘Pure speculation on the part of some people I don’t even know. And I don’t know anything more than that, I swear. But what happened today shows that there must be something in it. You’re right, Carl’s task might be to carry out the attack. And I fear – okay, there’s some evidence that someone on the Moon is helping him, and—’
‘You think it’s Lynn?’
‘I don’t want to believe that, but—’
‘Why, in God’s name? It’s her hotel. Why should she be involved in an attack on her own hotel?’
‘Perhaps she doesn’t know what’s really going on, but she didn’t want to show me the surveillance videos from the corridor which would have proved that Hanna was outside, travelling on the Lunar Express. She has access to all the systems in the hotel, Amber, she could interfere with the communications if she wanted, and she’s aggressive and strange, a mystery—’
‘And Tim’s in Gaia,’ whispered Amber.