Livia wasn’t certain Mrs. Lone knew, of course. But over time, she had decided that for the woman not to see, she must have been willfully closing her eyes. The bridge club meetings were just too convenient. And besides, Mr. Lone had started coming to Livia’s room even when Mrs. Lone was home, typically at night, presumably after Mrs. Lone was asleep. But would he really have taken the risk if he hadn’t known Mrs. Lone already knew… and that she was unwilling to do or say anything about it?
Livia did sometimes consider confiding in Rick. Or in Malcolm, who also periodically asked how things were in the Lone house, how they were treating her, in a way that made her feel he might suspect. But she was afraid to trust anyone, even Rick or Malcolm. She no longer really believed Mr. Lone knew anything about Nason, even though she continued to cling to that hope. But telling Rick… who knew what might happen? And if she told Malcolm, wouldn’t it put his job at risk? And that was assuming anyone else would even believe her story. Probably they wouldn’t. Just as Mrs. Lone averted her eyes because she didn’t want to know, so many people were in thrall to Mr. Lone and his brother, who together were responsible for the prosperity of the entire town. They’d all believe the traumatized little Lahu girl was lying or delusional rather than face the truth-that their local deity was a monster.
Besides, next year she would graduate. She would be eighteen, and could go anywhere, do anything. She thought she knew what she wanted, too: to be a cop, like Rick. She would carry a gun. She would find the monsters and put them in prison. Or maybe even shoot them. She would protect people like herself, people like Nason, from people like Skull Face and Mr. Lone. She would move to Portland, where Nason had disappeared, and keep looking for her there. Be a cop during the day and maybe go to college at night. She hadn’t told anyone-she was afraid if she didn’t keep her plans secret, Mr. Lone would do something to spoil them-but she was pretty sure this was the right path for her. All she had to do was endure Mr. Lone for one more year, and she would be free.
Senator Lone continued his visits. In a way, he was even creepier than his brother. Partly, it was the widely spaced eyes, staring in slightly different directions. Partly it was his legislative aide, Matthias Redcroft. Whatever Redcroft did for the senator, it wasn’t just legislation. The way he was constantly an arm’s length away, gazing at the senator worshipfully while at the same time coldly observing his interactions… something about him seemed sick to Livia, though she could see nothing wrong with his body. When the senator visited, she did her best to stay away from both of them, but Redcroft especially.
Malcolm had been right about the year being hers-Livia went undefeated in the regular wrestling season, after which she crushed every one of her opponents in postseason competition, winning her first state championship by pinning her opponent in the first round of the finals. When the referee raised her arm in victory, she had never felt so filled with happiness. For just that instant, there was nothing else-no Skull Face, no Mr. Lone, not even Nason.
And then, as she walked off the mat and saw Malcolm and Sean waiting for her, their faces beaming with joy and pride, she felt something well up that she couldn’t stop. They both put their arms around her and hugged her while she cried uncontrollably, and somehow it was okay that they were touching her off the mat, it didn’t feel wrong or make her flinch at the other, horrible ways she had been touched, and the suddenness, the shock, of how good it felt to be hugged by her best friend and her jiu-jitsu teacher made her cry harder. She hugged them back, clutching them, sobbing, afraid if she let them go something could tear them away from her.
When she finally managed to disengage, she saw that Malcolm’s eyes were wet, too, and so were Sean’s. She laughed delightedly at the sight of it.
Malcolm shook his head as though in wonder. “Did I tell you, girl?” he said. “Did I tell you this was your year?”
She laughed again and wiped her face. It didn’t help, though. She was still crying.
Sean was wearing a huge grin. “Livia, you were amazing! Like a hurricane! I think I’m lucky we’re in different weight classes.”
She felt a little guilty for getting all the attention. “You were amazing, too.”
He shrugged. “Third place.”
“Come on, one-twenty-nine is a tougher division. Next year we’ll both be first.” She glanced at Malcolm and smiled. “Ask your dad, he’s never wrong.”
Malcolm smiled back. “She’s right, tiger. The other top three in your weight class were all seniors. A year of experience is huge. Next year they’ll all be at college, and the experienced senior is going to be you.”
The three of them drove back to Llewellyn in Malcolm’s car. Livia couldn’t stop smiling. Winning the state tournament had been the best night of her life. And she was imagining a way it might get even better.
36-THEN
Malcolm dropped her off at the Lones’ house. Katy was throwing another party, like the year before. Livia wondered whether Sean would walk her home again after. Whether he might try to kiss her again. She’d been thinking about that a lot lately. She thought she wanted him to. She wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone. And she wanted it to be Sean. The way he’d touched her the year before… it had been so gentle, so tentative, it hadn’t bothered her. When she looked back on it now, she thought Sean touching her like that had actually been quite lovely. She wanted him to do it again. To look at her, and whisper her name the way he had. To lean in the way he had. Yes, she thought, smiling. Please, that.
She had just finished showering and dressing, and was combing her wet hair in front of the mirror in her bedroom, when the door opened. She turned and saw Mr. Lone. She hadn’t been expecting that-Mrs. Lone was home, and it was too early for one of his night visits.
No, she thought. Not now. Not tonight.
“Congratulations,” he said, one hand resting on the doorjamb, the other holding a drink. His tie was loosened, his suit jacket open.
He took a sip from the glass. “I would have said so at the tournament, but you seem not to like talking with me at your wrestling functions.”
She surprised herself by thinking, Yeah, no shit. Ordinarily, she just endured him. Even in her mind, she didn’t argue. She didn’t talk back.
“Why is that, Livia? Are you ashamed of me?”
She glanced down. “I’m going to a party,” she heard herself say. “I want you to leave me alone.”
If her thoughts were surprising, the words outright stunned her. Who had just said that?
He stepped into the room and closed the door. “What did you say?”
She felt the fear rising up, trying to assert itself. “Leave me alone.”
“I don’t even know what that means. Leave you alone? You’re in my house.”
Her heart began to pound. But not in fear. In anger. Her fear had always been stronger than her anger. But this time felt different. This time, the anger felt like something alive, dangerous, uncoiling inside her. A snake. A dragon.
“I saved your life, Livia,” he said, his voice rising. “Made you my daughter. And a daughter has obligations to her father. That’s the way God made the world. You’re lucky I haven’t demanded more of you. I could have. Until you’re married, your body is my right. Do you understand me?”