But of course she did, and fretted all the way home. “Get your drops,” she ordered once inside the house. And again, she ministered to him, handing him tissues to mop his face, drawing all the blinds and curtains so the whole house was dim.
“Fuck. This is never going to get better.” He clenched his fists at his side, sitting on the couch, head back.
“It will.” She put a soft hand on his forehead. “It will, Nate. I thought it had been better lately.”
“Only because I’ve been stuck inside here like a goddamm vampire, afraid to go out in the daylight.”
She laughed. “I’m sorry. What can I do?”
“Nothing.” The word snapped out of him mouth. Shit. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Didn’t mean to sound rude.”
“You’re entitled. I’ve done my share of bitching and whining lately.”
Well, it was nice that he could make at least one of them happy. Or two of them, even, considering Derek. Hopefully he was going to be happy. Meanwhile, his own life was still in the toilet, career on hold, wife dead—oh yeah, cheating wife—carrying a baby he didn’t even know for sure was his.
He was going to create another life. It might be his only chance to do that, and Krissa and Derek would be great parents to him or her.
Krissa bustled around the kitchen, cleaning the mussels, making a salad. When Nate’s eyes had calmed down and stopped burning and watering, he helped her. They decided to grill the fish with some fresh lemons and herbs, and they opened a bottle of wine to drink while they worked together side by side at the counter, talking and laughing.
Derek never called.
Krissa let herself into her parents’ home in Hope Ranch. Her dad was at work of course, but she’d called her mom to see if she could come over and visit. She had exciting news, she’d told her.
She had to share with someone. As with Cameron, Krissa had never confided their attempts to have a baby to her mother. For similar reasons. Krissa’s mother Lizbeth wasn’t one of those mothers who wanted to be a grandmother. Not like Derek’s mother, who thankfully lived on the other side of the continent so they didn’t have to endure her constant nosy questions about their family. No, Lizbeth constantly reminded Krissa about the sacrifices a mother made for her children. She’d despaired of Krissa’s job-hopping over the years. She’d envisioned Krissa taking after her father, who’d worked his way up through Capitol First Bank to President and CEO. Because, that’s what Lizbeth had always wanted for herself. She and David had met in college, both pursing business degrees. Except she’d gotten pregnant before they’d even graduated. And somehow that had knocked her off her career track.
“Kris!” Her mother greeted her with a hug. “How are you? I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“I know. We’ve been kind of busy with Nate staying with us.”
“I suppose. Come in. Would you like some coffee?’
“Sure.”
Krissa dropped her purse on the living room floor and followed her mother into the kitchen. Their home in Hope Ranch was even bigger than hers and Derek’s. Her parents did entertain a lot, though, with her father’s business networking and her mother’s charity work.
“I ran into Cameron the other day,” Lizbeth said, pouring coffee.
“Oh. Where?”
“At the hospital.” Her mother did a lot of volunteer work with the hospital’s charitable foundation. “She had her twins there for some kind of testing.”
“Oh, that’s right. At the Child Development Clinic. She was all worried about them because they were still in diapers, until a few weeks ago.”
Lizbeth shook her head. “Diapers. My God. I’m so glad you and your sisters haven’t forced us to deal with that.”
Krissa’s two younger sisters, one traveling in Australia, the other trying to make it as an actress in L.A., were definitely not on the mommy track. But Krissa was. Her tummy fluttered with excitement. It would feel so good to finally tell someone.
“Don’t worry, Mom, if I have kids I won’t make you change diapers.”
Her mother handed her a cup of steaming fragrant coffee and wrinkled her pretty nose. “Thank goodness.” She shuddered. “It was bad enough going through that once—or rather, three times—I have no desire to do it again. I’m so glad you’re not rushing into having children.”
Krissa sighed. She’d just walked in the door and they were there already. “I know, Mom. But …”
“Children just suck the life out of you,” Lizbeth continued.
Krissa’s stomach tightened. She sipped her coffee.
“Cameron looked a mess,” Lizbeth added. “No makeup, she had baby spit up on her shirt. In fact,” she lowered her voice. “She’d forgotten to do up her nursing bra and her boobs were bouncing all over. It was so embarrassing.”
“Oh, no.” Krissa’s heart ached for Cameron. She did struggle. “She has three kids, Mom. It’s hard. I was just over helping her the other day.”
“I had three kids and I didn’t need help.”
Maybe you didn’t care as much, Krissa thought and then felt ashamed. She looked down at her coffee.
“I gave up my life for you three girls,” Lizbeth said. That must have been what…the thousandth time Krissa’d heard that? “But since I had to stay home with you and give up my career, I made the best of it. You didn’t catch me going out of the house without makeup and hair done.”
“Wow,” Krissa murmured. “I don’t know how you did it, Mom. You know, though…why did you have to give up your career?”
“Well, I just did. Some women were working outside the home back then, but not many.”
“Lots were. Women had choices. You didn’t have to stay home.”
Lizbeth blinked. “Why are you arguing with me about this? You were a baby, what do you know about what went on then?”
“Nothing.” Krissa sighed.
“Just don’t rush it. You’ve got your career to think about.” Lizbeth poured cream into her coffee and stirred it.
“I’m thirty-two, Mom. That’s hardly rushing it.”
“You have lots of time. So, what’s the exciting news you have to tell me?”
Krissa nibbled her bottom lip, her heart sinking like a stone in water . “Ah. Well.” She lifted the coffee cup to her mouth, swallowed scalding liquid. “I have a big new client.”
Chapter Fourteen
Nate’s appointment the next afternoon didn’t go quite how he’d hoped.
When he arrived back at Krissa and Derek’s place, Derek was already there, home early. For once. No wonder they couldn’t get pregnant if Derek was never home. Then shame washed over Nate. There was a medical reason and it had nothing to do with Derek’s work schedule. And…the same could have been said about Nate and his marriage. There’d been many times he’d been away traveling, taking photographs…and somehow his wife had gotten pregnant. His gut clenched painfully.
“So, how’d it go?” Krissa asked immediately. She laid cutlery at one place setting at the table.
He hesitated. She wasn’t going to like what he was about to tell them. Hell, he didn’t like it either, although it probably didn’t affect him as much as it would them.
“Well. We can talk about it after dinner. What is for dinner?” He didn’t feel the least bit hungry, but needed to refocus Krissa. She was going to have one big meltdown, he feared.
“Actually, I ordered Thai food. Hope that’s okay.”
“Mmm, Thai. Great. I’ll go wash up.”
He escaped to his room, stood in front of the mirror, ran his tongue along his teeth. He washed his face and hands. Stood there again. Then straightened his shoulders.
He hadn’t heard the doorbell, but when he arrived in the kitchen Derek was just carrying in bags of food that had been delivered emanating odors of ginger and coconut and lemongrass. His stomach heaved.