“Rafael understands my position now.”
“You’re not worried about him?”
“Marking her? No. I’d feed him his scrotum if he tried, and he knows it. Besides, he won’t do that to her. They have to work this out between them. He’ll keep her safe until I return.” Matthias looked at the cabin. “He’d lay down his life for her if I asked.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Robertson excused himself from dinner. He agreed with Matthias. He wanted Taz and Rafael to work this out themselves. He couldn’t manage every aspect of Taz’s new life, including how she dealt with Rafael. Matthias and Rafe were very close and spent a lot of time together in the course of business and as family. She needed to resolve this sooner rather than later.
Rafael knocked on her cabin door, and wordlessly she locked it behind her and kept up with him. Anastazia jammed her hands into her jacket pockets while they walked, afraid to get too close to Rafael. She maintained a sturdy mental barrier between them.
Halfway to the lodge, he stopped her. “Can we talk? Please?”
She shook her head. “I feel bad enough,” she softly said. “He’s going to hate me.”
“No, he won’t hate you. Matthias loves you. He could never hate you.”
She didn’t respond.
“Listen to me.” Rafael touched her chin and forced her to look at him. “Matthias loves you. I know you love him. I, however, am an idiot. I’m really sorry I messed with you today. I just figured as much as he loved you and how you acted around him that he’d marked you, so it wouldn’t matter if I flirted with you. It never occurred to me that he hadn’t or wouldn’t.”
“What do you mean, ‘marked me?’”
“You really don’t know?”
She shook her head.
“The old French slang term was coeur asservi, roughly speaking.”
“Enslaved heart?”
He nodded and hooked his arm through hers as they continued toward the lodge. “Not everyone can do it. Vampires”—she winced at the word, but he continued as if he didn’t notice—“like you and me and Matthias, we can mark someone. Not all vampires can, just stronger ones. Humans can be marked. So can other vampires who aren’t as strong as we are. You can only mark a stronger vampire if they allow you to.”
“Or if you trick them into it,” she finished.
He nodded. “I just assumed—”
“That he marked me because I wouldn’t know any better?”
Rafael nodded again. “I’m sorry.” He worked his ring, rubbing the band with his thumb. Maybe that’s why it was such a plain setting, because he used it like a worry stone. If it ever had any ornamentation he would have rubbed it smooth decades earlier.
“But what does it mean?” she asked.
He carefully considered his words. “It’s like a mental brand. It’s permanent. You can only romantically love the person who marks you. Your heart and soul belong to them, right or wrong.”
“So if Matthias had marked me, I wouldn’t have kissed you?”
“Right. Not willingly. I assumed…I just figured he had. The way he looks at you, feels about you, and the way you feel about him, I didn’t even think you weren’t marked. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you. He’s had relationships, but he’s never loved. Not since his wife died.”
“Why hasn’t he marked me?”
“Because he loves you. He wants you to willingly choose to be with him. He won’t ever force you.”
She considered his words. “Someone else could mark me?”
Rafael smiled, and her heart melted under his gaze. “Well, not for much longer. Not unless you let them. That’s one thing he wants to train you for, to protect yourself. It’s not like there’s a bunch of vampires walking around out there strong enough to make you buckle to their will.”
“So you mean there are vampires with flocks of these marked people running around slaving over them?” The thought churned her stomach.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. Because of the connection, you can only have one marked soul joined to you at a time.”
“Oh. So when they mark someone new, it disappears from the other person?”
He slowly shook his head. If he’d realized she was totally clueless, he wouldn’t have brought it up. “No,” he said softly. “When you mark someone, it’s for life. You own their heart and soul. Their heart’s free will. You totally control them. It’s a connection between you and the one you mark. If you decide you want to mark someone else, you can’t just release the other person. You can’t give back what you took.”
“But what happens to the first person if someone new is marked?”
“They die. And if the one who marks you dies, you die, too.”
She tried to absorb that information. “How many,” she asked, not wanting to know, afraid of the answer, “has Matthias marked in his life?”
“None. He doesn’t ever want to control someone like that.”
Whew! “And you?”
Rafael shook his head. “I don’t want that responsibility.”
“But there are vampires out there…” Morbid curiosity got the better of her.
“Yes. A few, not many. Centuries ago, I’ve been told, there were some who had no regard for others, especially for humans. They marked someone, and then when they tired of them, they found someone new. It’s rare now for someone to be marked unless they beg and plead for it. Anyone who marks another, they are held responsible by the Tribunal for that person’s life and well-being.”
Tribunal? That was one she’d have to remember to ask about later. “Why would someone want to be marked?”
He looked down. “I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced true heartbreak, that pain so deep and so strong you feel like it’s going to kill you. Being marked, it erases that pain.”
“How?”
“When you’re marked, you’re unable to love another. Your love is totally owned by the one who marks you. You forget the love you had for anyone else. Any feelings. You remember the relationship, remember you once loved them, but the emotions are gone. Love—and pain.”
She understood. “I can see how someone might want to forget the pain. But at the risk of their life? And giving up control?” Loving someone was one thing, but she’d be damned if she’d let them control her.
Rafael’s voice changed, and she sensed his despair. “There is emotional pain so deep that, for some, their only two choices are death, or the risk of death. Some would rather be marked than in pain, even at the risk of death.”
She shuddered. Going through her parents’ death had been bad, but she’d had Robertson by her side. She’d grieved, mourned, and moved on. There wasn’t a day she didn’t think about and miss them, but life had to continue.
What about people not as strong as she was?
They arrived at the lodge. “I could mark Matthias?”
Rafael nodded. “If you wanted. He’s strong enough he might fight you, but I don’t think he would. He’s devoted to you. He would rather die than hurt you. If you demanded it, he would give it to you, let you mark him. He’ll give you anything you ask for.”
She shivered, afraid. She’d never had anyone that deeply in love with her before. “How do I know he really loves me and isn’t just under some freaky vampire spell?”
Rafael smiled and held the door for her. “Because he refuses to mark you. He doesn’t want to take anything from you that you don’t freely give. He’s watched you all those years from afar. If he wanted to possess you, don’t you think he would have marked you years ago? He’s worked hard to protect you, to give you as normal a life as possible. He’s heartsick his plans changed. He wanted the chance to win your love like a normal guy.”