“Why do we feel this way?” she asked, speaking what they both felt. “Why do I love you, Rafe?”
He looked down at the table. She sensed he was holding back. “I don’t know.”
She waited, but he didn’t continue. “You have an idea, don’t you?”
He nodded, still not meeting her eyes.
It was like pulling teeth. She couldn’t stand it. “Rafe—”
He shook his head, looking at her again. “Water under the bridge, Taz baby. It doesn’t matter, does it? I know you and Matthias love each other. You have a chance to be happy together. And I am happy for you—both of you.”
She didn’t pry, but sensed more.
How could he ever tell her? Not that he had proof. That she was once Cassandra.
His Cassandra. His sweet, beautiful Catydid.
And beyond that, even… He had his suspicions, but why give Matthias even more reason not to screw up?
“Do you have your camera with you?” he asked.
She felt her pockets and nodded. “Why?”
“I’d like a couple of pictures. You can e-mail them to me later.”
He flagged the waiter over, moved to sit next to her, and the waiter took several pictures of them smiling, happy. Rafael asked for one more, and she turned to look at him, instinctively knowing what he wanted, letting him touch his forehead to hers like two intimate lovers instead of friends.
He managed to hold his tears at bay. He was convinced now more than ever of who she was, because of the things he felt from and about her.
She didn’t know. She couldn’t ever know. He couldn’t do that to Matthias or to her. She already loved his cousin. Perhaps one day he might have another chance with her. Until that time, he’d have to be content with his memories. And pictures.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
She smiled. Before he could move away, she touched his face and gently kissed him on the lips, but it was a good-bye, not the passionate embrace of earlier.
“I love you, Rafe. I’m sorry I can’t give you more than that right now.”
He met her eyes, nodded, stroked her cheek. “I know. It’s okay. I love you, too, Taz baby.”
You have no idea how much, baby girl.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Matthias knows, by the way,” Rafael said on their way back from dinner. “You can quit stressing.”
“What?”
“About this afternoon. Our little indiscretion.”
She groaned, stopping. “You told him?”
“I didn’t have to.”
“What?”
“Do you really think he’d leave me alone with you during an experiment like that, when you were so vulnerable?”
“What do you mean?”
Rafe laughed, putting an arm around her, hugging her to him and walking with her. “He was there the whole time, in your mind.”
Taz gasped, horrified. “No!”
“I didn’t realize it either. He told me you forget when he’s there.”
“He was there all day?”
“He said unless you deliberately block him, he’s there.”
“So he’s here right now?”
“Oh, I doubt that. Only when he’s close to you.” Rafael staggered as she pulled away from him and slammed her defenses closed.
“Uh, wow. Or unless you do that.”
“He saw us kissing? He heard…” She felt nauseous.
“Oh yeah, all afternoon. Hey, I’m embarrassed about it, too. Like I said, I thought—”
“Why the hell didn’t he stop us? And what the hell right does he have to stay in my head unless I tell him he can be there?”
“Uh, listen, Taz baby, I—”
“I’m going to kill him.” She stormed toward the cabins when around the corner walked Matthias, Albert, and Tim.
Matthias was smiling. It wasn’t until he was close enough to see Taz’s face in the fading light that he realized she was pissed.
“Taz, what’s—”
SLAP! Her hand stung, but the stunned look on Matthias’ face made it worth it. She didn’t know which was worse, her anger at his betrayal of her privacy and trust or her guilt over what she’d done with Rafe.
Nope, definitely anger in the lead.
“How dare you? You’ve been staying in my head all this time? You saw me kiss him this afternoon and you didn’t stop it? How”—SLAP—“dare you!”
She stormed to their cabin while Matthias contemplated the stinging in both cheeks.
Tim stepped up to him. “See, I told you so.”
“Shut up.”
Matthias turned to Rafael. “What the hell did you say to her?”
Rafael looked sheepish. “I told her you knew about the kiss. She was worried how you’d react. I was trying to make her feel better.”
“Yeah, that worked.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you haven’t told her all this stuff yet. I apologized, told her the only reason I’d played around with her was because I thought you’d marked her.”
“Oh, no. Please tell me you didn’t?”
“Well how the hell was I supposed to know she didn’t know anything about that? What you haven’t told her would fill a friggin’ book, Matts. I figured you and Mr. Nanny here had at least taught her some basics. Considering there will be strong vampires at the meeting, it might be a good idea she kept her distance from them.”
“We hadn’t got that far.”
“Well, duh. When were you going to clue me in? How am I supposed to help her if I don’t know what the hell is going on, big guy?”
Matthias turned and followed Taz, but she’d locked the cabin door. “Come on, Taz, please. Anastazia, don’t do this.” He reached out with his mind and met a razor wire barrier.
“Go away, Matthias.”
He tried the doorknob again and realized he didn’t have his key with him. He knocked. “Anastazia, please—”
Matthias felt the force of her anger slam into him, blasting him off the stoop and onto the ground nearly three feet below, knocking the wind out of him. He lay in the dirt trying to catch his breath while Tim looked down at him, not offering a hand.
“I told you so.” Tim had apparently slipped into protective father mode.
“Shut up!” Matthias got up, brushed his clothes off, and climbed the steps to try again. “Anastazia, would you please give me a chance—”
“Go away, Matthias. I don’t even want to look at you right now.”
“We have to prepare for tomorrow.”
“I’m not going.”
“You have to.”
“No, I don’t.” He could barely hear her through the door. It hit him for the first time that he couldn’t make her go if she decided she wasn’t going unless he physically dragged her there.
And even then, she was so powerful, she might be able to resist that.
He rested his head against the door and dropped his voice. “Please, let me explain.”
“No. Go away. I’m too angry to talk to you right now.”
He looked to Tim, who shrugged. No help there. “All you can do is wait for her to calm down,” he told Matthias.
“How long will that take?”
“At the rate you’re going? Maybe half past the Apocalypse. If you’re lucky, you stupid sod.”
Matthias shared Albert’s room that night. Rafael offered to let Matthias bunk with him, but his cabin was on the other side of the compound, and Matthias didn’t want to be that far from her. At least Albert’s room was just a wall away, in the same cabin. The guards remained at her door, two at a time.