“Lissie, I’m not sure I want to go into all that with you.”
“No? Who would you like to go into it with? Joanna? I’m your fucking daughter, I get out of bed one morning and I find out my parents are getting a divorce, who would you like to discuss it with? Shall we get the landlady up here, ask her how she feels about all this?”
“I’m trying to say...”
“You’re trying to say it doesn’t matter what I think about any of this. Isn’t that what you’re trying to say?”
“I’m asking you to understand, Lissie.”
“Understand what? That you’re abandoning your family?”
“I’m doing no such thing!”
“No? What do you call it?”
“People do get divorced, Lissie. I didn’t invent it, it’s been around for...”
“Oh, come on, Dad.”
“Honey, I love you, but this has nothing to do with you, it has only to do with...”
“Nothing at all, right,” Lissie said. “My parents are breaking up, it has nothing to do with me.”
“It has to do with your mother and...”
“Yeah, and Joanna Berkowitz or whoever, but not me.”
“That’s right, Lissie.”
“No, it’s not right, Dad. Don’t try to tell me it’s right, okay? Because I think it’s wrong, I think it stinks. I think when your father runs off with another woman... how old is she, anyway?”
“Twenty-six.”
“Great! The girl you plan to marry is only seven years older than I am.”
“Well, eight. Almost eight.”
“How old are you, Dad?”
“You know how old I am.”
“You’re forty-four, forty-five, whatever the hell you are...”
“I’ll be forty-five in July.”
“Forty-five, and she’s twenty-six...”
“Almost twenty-seven.”
“Well, if that doesn’t tell you something, Dad...”
“What should it tell me, Liss?”
“You’re the grownup, you figure it out yourself, okay?”
“I thought you were a grownup, too.”
“Right now, I don’t feel like one,” she said, and her voice broke, and suddenly she began crying.
“Honey,” he said, “honey, please...”
“Jesus, Dad, why’d you...?”
“Honey, honey,” he said, and pulled his chair closer to hers, and took her in his arms.
“Why’d you have to do this?” she said, sobbing. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I love her,” he said.
“I thought you loved Mom.”
“I did.”
“I thought you loved me.”
“I still do, darling.”
“Does Mom want this divorce?”
“I don’t suppose she does.”
“So that leaves only you and this woman who want it.”
“I guess so.”
“What did Grandma say about it?”
“She said I should do whatever makes me happiest.”
“Grandma said that? Jesus!”
“Honey, this has nothing to do with anyone but your mother and me. This isn’t something we take a vote on.”
“I want a vote!” she said, and began sobbing again, pressing her face against the rough fabric of his jacket, her nose running, the tears streaming down her face, her shoulders heaving uncontrollably. “I have feelings too, you know,” she said, sobbing.
“I know that, darling.”
“I know you’re a man in your own right...”
“I am.”
“... what you said before, but here’s a situation that’s suddenly thrust upon me...”
“Yes, I’m sorry for that. But, Lissie, you had to be told sooner or later, and your mother and I thought this would be the best way.”
“Without my knowledge, I mean all of this was happening without my knowledge.”
“That’s true.”
“I have plans of my own, you know.”
“There’s no reason for you to change any of your plans.”
“Where will I live?”
“That’s a strange question, coming from you, Lissie,” he said, and brushed her hair away from her face, and smiled.
“I mean... where will home be?”
“Wherever you want it to be.”
“I want it to be where it’s always been,” she said, and began sobbing again. “With you and Mom.”
“That isn’t possible anymore, Lissie.”
“It could be possible. If you just told Mom...”
“No, I don’t want to do that.”
“I want to see Mom,” she said, sobbing. “I want to go to California. Can you give me some money to get to California?”
“Yes, if that’s what you want.”
“Life goes on, I know that.”
“Yes, Lissie, it really does.”
“It’s just... I’m going to need time to get used to this. I’d like to go to California, is that all right? Would you mind if I went out there to see Mom?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It’s what I want. Could we go to the airport now?”
“What?”
“I’d like to go now. I have Aunt Janet’s address, I’d like to pack and catch a plane as soon as I can, and go out there to see Mom.”
“Lissie, don’t you think you should give this a few days, talk to her on the phone, see if she wants you out there in...”
“No,” she said flatly. “I want to go now.”
He looked at her.
“Okay,” he said, and sighed.
“Good,” she said, and nodded, and then sniffed, and wiped her hand across her nose, and went into the bedroom to pack.
April 12, 1971
Dear Dad,
It was very nice of you to call out here yesterday to wish me a happy Easter, but I think if you had known beforehand what anguish it would cause Mom, then maybe you wouldn’t have done it. I have now had a lot of time to talk to her and to get her viewpoint on what you plan to do, and I am more than ever convinced that it is not the right thing, Dad. You are absolutely destroying her, Dad, and I don’t think you realize that. She is a woman of forty, she was just forty last week, as you well know, and you are leaving her to take care of herself after twenty years of marriage, it was twenty years in February, Dad. Are you sure you really want to do this?
Are you sure you want to destroy a woman who has loved you all these years, and destroy your family as well? I did not think you were that kind of a person, Dad. I hope I am right about you, and that you will reconsider and perhaps give Mom a call here to discuss it. I know your attorneys frown upon private communication, but that seems extremely silly to me, especially when there is so much at stake here. So if you feel like calling Mom to discuss this, why don’t you? I’m sure she would be receptive. You know Aunt Janet’s number, but please remember that there’s a three-hour time difference out here, three hours behind New York. When it’s noon in New York, it’s only 9:00 A.M. out here.
We spent a very quiet and lovely Easter together here with Aunt Janet and Uncle Dave and the boys, and were just sitting down to dinner when your phone call came. When Mom realized who it was, she burst into tears, and it took us an hour to get her back to herself again. Holidays are a very bad time, I guess you know that, Dad. Or maybe you don’t, since you’ve got Joanna whereas Mom and I have no one. We are spending a lot of time on the beach together, getting to know each other all over again. She is really a fine and wonderful person, and I’m so proud to have her for one of my parents. The weather here has been wonderful these past few weeks, sunny and in the mid-seventies. Mom has rented a car while she’s here, and we’re using it to full advantage, driving wherever the mood takes us, all up and down the Pacific Coast Highway, and chattering away to each other all the while.