Son of a bitch, I was hard. Having a conversation about Bree while sporting an erection was not an ideal situation. I sucked in several calming breaths, trying to tame my raging hard-on.
By the time the coffee finished, I had myself under control. I poured myself a cup and made one for Navie, sliding the mug across the counter to her. “Bree was my ex-girlfriend.”
“What the hell? But I thought you didn’t do relationships.” The comment wasn’t sarcastic or biting. Her face held nothing but genuine surprise.
“And I don’t, not anymore. And I didn’t do relationships before Bree either, so to say I’m a bit out of practice would be putting it lightly. She was the only serious relationship I’ve ever had. And that fucker went up in flames.”
“What happened? I mean, I can kind of piece together parts of the story based on what you said to your brother last night, but I’d rather hear it from you than jump to conclusions.”
If I had the choice between reliving my past with Bree and shoving an icepick into my brain, I would have gladly taken the icepick. But considering what I had with Navie seemed to be at stake, I suffered through the pain and started from the beginning.
“I met Bree when I was twenty-five. I’d just signed my first book deal and had been out with some friends celebrating. She was at the bar that night with her friends and, well, one thing led to another and she went home with me.” Awkward was the only word that adequately described talking about an ex with a woman I was currently sleeping with, or at least hoping to sleep with again in the very near future. “Things moved fast from there and before I knew it, we’d been together for three years. Or at least, that’s what I thought,” I added bitterly.
“What do you mean?” Navie asked softly, pulling me from the haze of the past.
“What I mean is it wasn’t the most… conventional relationship. Yeah, we were together for a long time, and we spent a lot of time together, but we never did the typical shit that normal couples do. We never met each other’s parents, we rarely went on dates. When we weren’t together, most of our communication consisted of texting, not phone calls.”
Navie’s brows lowered into a deep V as she cocked her head to the side. “How is that even possible? I mean, when you’re with someone for three years, I thought that stuff just happened, you know?”
I let out a derisive snort. “So did I. But I was young, and a fucking idiot, and she always had an excuse. She was working late, or had a meeting, or traveling for work. And I was the dumbass who never questioned her. I was at the beginning of my dream career, I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I was in love with the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with. I felt ten feet tall and bulletproof. Nothing could touch me,” I finished, my voice lowering as I stared down into my coffee cup, the hole in my chest just as black as the steaming liquid that filled the mug.
“You really loved her,” Navie said quietly. It sounded almost like she was speaking more to herself than to me, and when I looked up I didn’t like the expression on her face. Contemplative combined with worry, and just a hint of sadness. Jesus, when had it become so painful to see that girl sad? It was killing me.
“I thought I did, at least,” I told her, wanting to wipe her face clean and paint the happiness back into her eyes. Because the truth was, looking back on what I had with Bree, I couldn’t be sure if it really had been love, or if it was just the idea that I had the perfect life. If I had been asked that same question months before, I would have answered with a definitive yes. But now… well, now I wasn’t so sure. “Like I said, I was young and stupid.”
She cleared her throat and gave her head a tiny shake, her mass of hair creating shiny, golden waves. “So, where does Richard play in all of this?”
A humorless laugh worked its way up my chest. “Well, there’s the really fucked-up part of my little story. You see, the reason she always had an excuse to never meet my family, or to avoid being seen with me in public was because she was fucking my brother behind my back.”
Her sharp gasp reverberated off the walls. “Are you kidding me?”
“Wish I was. The shittiest part of all of it, though? Just a week before I caught them together, she told me she was pregnant. There I was, the fucking moron who thought he was going to be a dad when really, it wasn’t even my kid.”
“Oh, my God, Rowan. I can’t believe… that’s just… oh, my God! What did he have to say about it?”
“Wouldn’t know,” I answered with a shrug, infusing my voice with a casualness I didn’t even come close to feeling. “I took off right after it happened. Packed my shit and hauled ass from Connecticut to New York. Griff and Dex had moved here after college to join the academy, and I crashed with them for a bit before finding my own place. I haven’t spoken to either of them since it all went down.”
“Holy shit,” she said on a sigh, coming off her stool and walking in my direction. “I just can’t believe that. Your own brother. That’s so…” Her face twisted in anger as her small hands pressed against my stomach. And instantly, with just one touch from her, my entire body went off like a live wire. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she looked up at me, genuine sympathy staring back at me. “I never had any siblings, not until Carson. But he’s not blood, you know? But I always wished for one. And I can’t imagine ever hurting them the way Richard hurt you.”
She completely undid me. I couldn’t help myself; leaning down, I took her mouth with mine in a slow, languid kiss that had just as much of an impact as the brutal ones we’d shared the night before.
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”
“How long has it been since you talked to your brother?”
“Five years.” A look of pain marred her beautiful face and I immediately wanted to console her, switching our places in the blink of an eye. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay, Navie. I swear. I’m over it.”
Her eyes focused on my chest, her fingers rubbing soft, lazy circles against my skin. “But that’s your family.” The devastation in her voice sliced at my insides. She’d been raised without a family, and hearing me talk about the rift between me and my brother actually hurt her.
“Don’t be sad,” I told her, pressing my fingers against her chin so I could see her eyes. Those beautiful, expressive, dark blue eyes were swimming with tears. “Christ, baby, you’re killing me here. Don’t cry for me.”
“I’m not crying,” she said as indignantly as a person could while sniffling back tears. I couldn’t help but to laugh, which got me the smile I’d been craving. Just one smile from her and it felt like winning the lottery.
“So,” she sniffled again and wiped at the wetness she’d just sworn wasn’t in her eyes. “Why is she emailing you again? And what was Richard talking about last night when he said you didn’t know the full story?”
“Well, I can only guess that Bree’s emailing again because she and Richard are getting a divorce. As far as what Richard said…” I gave her a shrug. “Don’t know, don’t care.”
“Messy,” she answered.
“Yep. And I want nothing to do with it.”