as he
my new companion
might have told me with his hand so gently at my back
whenever we want to celebrate. Above the entrance left of center might have stood a bronze winged female figure arm extended toward a garden on the other side of which there might have stood a little gallery containing
Souvenirs.
as my companion would have said.
Mementos.
Various outdoor sections of the grounds would link by patios connecting by vine covered archways to a networked garden whose main artery
a hall of blooming flowers
would have led INTO A HOTHOUSE.
IN THE MANSION HIGH ABOVE THE STAIRWAY
seen upon first entering it
there might have hung the mural of all murals.
Just to see it there
together
my companion
I
to see them all up there
a panorama into which his image
my companion’s
You will too my precious. Someday.
would be added
might make my companion very sad escorting me through the spacious rooms devoted to
The greatest most enduring name in all these lands.
Their crest would show on crystal vases furniture in paintings porcelain dishes silver serving pieces china
No there are no casual encounters he would later whisper as we walked INTO THE HOTHOUSE where exotic blooming sweet intoxication had awaited us.
At times
although I would not want to let him go
because of my companion’s deep felt sadness for his many loved ones lost
including
someday
me
I’d wish for nothing more than I would wish for his immediate departure from this earth.
702
The paper on the walls a dingy peeling floral pattern was at one time surely very happy looking against crown molding that had once been white but now was not. Above the fireplace there was a mirror hanging opposite another mirror neither of them new. The windows had lace curtains on them. Underblinds on both. Upon the dresser there were two brass candlesticks. No candles. On a little table near the door there was a shiny Chinese serving tray that looked as if it had been brought in there then left there. On the bed there was a simple yellow bedspread.
I put down my things then laid a towel across the bed.
I started to unpack but then I stopped.
I put the serving tray upon the towel took out my dinner from the sack looked over at the wall.
THAT NIGHT
THE NIGHT I TOLD HIM NO
If I had told him yes I might have found a way to get
What do you think of all of this he asked me. She had gone to check on dinner. It was chilly out there in the moonlight on a pathway hugging the periphery of the mansion where he had been taking me on a stroll. He pointed out the KITCHEN then adjacent to its outdoor ENTRANCE
KITCHEN
was the SCULLERY
outdoor entrance: none
Then turning there we passed the ENTRANCE
SERVANTS’
followed by the DINING ROOM
no outdoor entrance
followed by
still talking
so much telling
asking
surreptitiously
no touching yet
not yet
the ENTRANCE
NORTH
MAIN
which contained the secret
On my neck there was I thought just for a moment heavy breathing.
entrance to the STUDY. Then we turned the corner on the DRAWING ROOM’S no entrance skirting around to the VERANDAH
outside entrance
No of course there was no outside way of getting into the
VERANDAH.
after which we passed the STUDY
followed by two darkened rooms
dark windows
then the outside of an even darker room he called THE PRIVATE ROOM.
We stopped.
He stared straight through my coat my shirt my bra.
They all had bars. The basement windows. They although so low were visible on all faces of the mansion.
So it’s under everything I told myself as we reversed our course then headed for the ENTRANCE
MAIN our having seen her through the windows. As if naked I began to tremble. She was in the STUDY looking out.
WITHIN THE DREAM IN WHICH I LOOKED DOWN AT THE BED IN WHICH THE LITTLE BOY IT HAD BEEN LEARNED WAS MEANT TO BE ALIVE I cried.
I walked back through the vine entangled doorway in the cottage stepping on the scattering of little flowers
dropping tears onto the floor
those flowers
pieces of a broken plate
Of course the body wasn’t there. I had observed the body’s vanishing on the plate. Of course the fucking body wasn’t there.
He takes the elevator up.
702
Right after eating my spaghetti I began to peel that floral paper back.
The following morning we were in the DRAWING ROOM. She said And it was such a large and leafy plant it wasn’t anything that any of the children in my neighborhood had ever seen.
It was a story whose beginnings somehow had skipped over me. I felt distracted. Frightened even. Strange.
He said It had a giant jelly blob of orange right in the center of it.
She said And I was among a group of children standing around the plant and I
Around the big orange blob you mean he interrupted.
She said And I felt upon that day what I will now refer to as
Exquisite nausea he interrupted.
No she said. Exquisite
He poured
coffee in our cups as she described this feeling as a feeling that can serve as someone’s introduction to the act of linking that occurs
That must occur she said because one cannot bear the picture that is current. She said And that linking into other pictures will continue for as long as we
The man who went into the woods to find his wife no longer thought about his wife. He thought of nothing other than the movements of the forest rings that turned in opposite directions and at inconsistent speeds. As if so many days had passed the man felt empty as a person feels from fasting and it was within this period when deciding he could go no farther that the man sat down upon a stump. An animal appeared. It was a wolf that soon became a bear that then became an eagle. Through the transformations of the animal the man could feel a watchful presence all around him but he felt the presence most intensely when the eagle began to change
its wings retracting
petrifying head
first legs then body
leaving not a skeleton but just one bone that shot up from the ground into the air. As bone reached apex of its arc the sky took on the colors of a sunset. But before the bone’s descent began
as if the forest’s rings had synchronized
clicked into place
unlatched
an opening in the trees appeared.
The man then found that he was exiting onto a wide and sandy moonlit beach.
For when the body isn’t there it doesn’t matter if the life can be preserved. It doesn’t matter if it somehow was a big mistake about the death.