but I did not as I was certain of his turning looking back at me.
I heard him exiting into a room at the other end of the hall
the high ceilinged corridor only barely lit by sconces two of which were out.
Listening briefly I
I then was under the impression that he was a gray man rigid walker scented pipe tobacco peppermints cologne.
I listened at the
404
Then
403
At last with arms extended up bones glowing in the moonlight she who had been painted yellow white and red began to sing.
The stonework he explained was laid by local masons. Quarried locally he said. A boat was bought to carry it down the
We will take you there she interrupted just as soon as
Yes we will he said.
It was a shimmering late fall afternoon when we began our walk back to the mansion from the CORNER
SOUTHMOST of the property where once a tiny house had stood. We crossed a sweeping wide expanse of land a type of beauty I had never before
But yet I felt so desperately familiar to the point of gnawing trepidation with the things that I was seeing as if I had been anticipating every glimpse each word all happenings. As we walked northward toward the mansion save occasionally inserted bits of information about the mansion the estate our conversation was devoted to the planning of a picnic by the river. It was paradise. A side effect however was that this short walk would plant in me mysteriously concentrated notions of regret spun round by uncontrolled anxiety for what was on its way.
Aboard the train within that little country cottage time slowed time leaped forward tailing back anticipation dread in tandem working to postpone to speed the heartbreaking eventuality in the form of two dark figures standing faceless in the doorway backlit by a sunset fully ablaze.
Awakened yet again I got out of the bed.
This really is too much I told myself.
You might not turn up anything she had told me with an ambivalence that showed quite plainly in her face as if an invisible line protected the upper fearing portion from the hoping part below. He had no such divisions. If you see anything that makes you nervous he insisted call us.
I put on my coat my boots picked up my key went out into the hallway just in time to see a man emerging from the elevator. It was dark down there.
Don’t look.
I think it was a robe but could have been a coat. He turned around.
Don’t let him think you noticed him.
What launched his getting back into the elevator was a glance at me. I indicated to this man that he was not where he belonged. Unless the man was merely trying to avoid me. If to see me meant wrong floor to him then
whether below
above
I told myself
he must be staying
vertically
that is
in
302
the same room as my
502
Unless
I told myself
he’s staying in the room next door
Unless
which
404
Regardless
Seeing me was something that the man had wanted to avoid. If that is true I told myself then I am likely onto something here.
I hurried back into my room where the unexpected sight of my tote bag pocketbook along with other little bags all loaded on the chair my coat draped over it convinced me to leave the floor lamp on for the rest of the night.
But then one blustery day the calls began to
Concerning the calls they had received since he had disappeared there was a new development about which only one of them was
Then the calls started to change he said to me.
Night Four: We stood within the ENTRANCE
BUSINESS
underneath the taller narrower gable left of ENTRANCE
MAIN.
Originally built he said for secret access to and from the study.
She had gone to check on dinner. He was there with me alone.
So this is how it is I told myself. The three of us. The smell of dinner. Rest of the world be damned.
According to his story she away for weekend errands he home washing dishes tidying up a bit
Staff’s off on weekends he had (Night One) told me.
Night Four: when the phone rang. This most recent call he answered from this no one calling them from nowhere was a call about which he decided not to tell her.
But I’m telling you he said. I thought I felt his leg approaching mine.
This time unlike the other times there was a noise in the receiver.
Hey you two she called out from the STUDY
door popped open showing us a tempting glimpse into the STUDY
I’ve been looking everywhere for you.
She often asks herself how she can best receive these sentiments of deep affiliation that attempt to reach her from she knows not where. She’s deeply conscious of the sender but she cannot reach the sender. Therefore she has nothing to do but wait inside this room
all blue
all patternings
varieties of undulation.
Feelings that had once been shock now float about her like a galaxy of silver dots.
Day 3
Next morning exiting through the automatic doors then crossing through the patio to take the two steps up into the little ivy covered archway I was for the second time confronted with the vision of abandoned businesses across the street. However on that dreary morning those uneven overhangs doors windows boarded painted overpostered mismatched signs seemed oddly unified.
We have a favor to ask you she had said.
How could I find someone in such a place as this I asked myself. When staying in the patio for any length of time to see who comes who goes is not an option. Same for watching from across the street.
Instead of going out for breakfast I had waited out the morning rain repacking polishing off my snacks. Now headed back to (Recommended: Y) I felt so disappointed. Worried. Even fearful. I was wondering if this whole trip wasn’t just a serious underestimation of the challenges in finding someone who so clearly
On my left the drugstore then the market suddenly I realized
Public Library at my back
I found that I had turned the corner going in a new
I walked. I headed in a new
She said I just can’t tell you what this means to me.
I walked.
He said To us.
Until I stopped. I checked the guidebook. Started toward the concrete ramp.
Divided into thirds by swooping golden banisters the massive staircase had been made entirely avoidable by the presence of the concrete ramp off to its left.
I rolled my suitcase up to enter through the double doors then followed the sign to where I checked my (Bag Storage: Y) then stuffed my other things inside a (Lockers: Y) before I got into the nonmembers line for (Family/Senior/Group Rates: Y).
But are you absolutely certain that they don’t know where I am?
The evening when this journey first began I felt no little trepidation for the task that I was taking on. However as I went through my belongings one last time despite the guidebook’s lack of anything encouraging to say about it I imagined my accommodations as a small oasis
respite from a life that I had wanted for so long to find a way to
Grateful for the circumstances that had like a miracle
Because you can anticipate the needs of other living forms you also understand the need for sacrifice.