Everyone else gradually comes and we all head out. Jack and Lindsey have an itinerary for us. Where to meet for lunch and all the other controlling things they want the rest of us to do. I take the itinerary out of Lindsey’s hands perusing it. We have specific times and places to meet during the day. I swear this couple thinks everyone else’s life should revolve around their wedding.
Caroline is cozying up to Gabe already and the look of disapproval crosses my mom’s face. Shawn Edwards is walking towards me and I decide that is my time to get out.
“Come on Ian.” I grab his hand. “See you all at first break.” I wave my hand while walking away.
“What is wrong with you?” Ian says hooking his arm with mine.
“Nothing.” I respond curtly.
“Great this is going to be a fun day.” Ian mumbles to himself.
“Don’t worry Ian, she needs a cotton candy and then she will cheer up.” My mom says along side of me. “It has always cheered her up.” She smiles over to me.
“Cotton Candy. I will have to remember that. Blue or Pink?” Gabe chimes in next to Ian and my mom’s face beams up to him.
“Blue, even though she is all girly girl she always loved Blue.” My mom answers his question. I wonder how she remembers that.
“Shouldn’t you be back there, with the rest of Belcrest’s prom court?” I ask Gabe looking behind us. I see the scoff on Caroline’s face watching us walk away.
“I am right where I want to be.” Gabe winks at my mom and she smiles. Seriously, what the hell is going on between them?
“Let’s go, I am dying to get on Superman. I have never been here.” Ian exclaims like a nine year old.
“Never?” Gabe asks.
“My parents preferred educational vacations. If you ever want to go to Wilmington, VA I could be your tour guide.” Ian remarks and we all crack up.
“Well, I’m going to be your tour guide today. After we are done you will wish you were in Wilmington.” Gabe jokes.
“Sounds good. Now point me to the roller coasters.” He looks around waiting for Gabe to tell him where to go.
“Superman this way.” Gabe points to the left.
“You two have fun, I am going on the carousel.” I stop in front of the two-story carousel filled with little kids riding their horses and animals as they go up and down. It is a feat for me to ride on the top floor.
“What?” Ian screams. “We aren’t five, let’s go.” He pulls my hand.
“I don’t ride roller coasters.” I look him in the eye with seriousness. I know he is going to push me. Everyone does but there is only one person that ever got me to ride and he isn’t here.
“Oh come on.” Ian begs.
“No” my answer short while I plant my feet on the ground.
“I will hold your hand the whole time.” He says.
“Ian, just go I will catch up to you guys.”
“We aren’t leaving you alone Maddy.” Gabe says. “I will stay, you two go ahead.” A warm feeling spreads across my stomach.
“Nonsense, you two go. I would love some alone time with my daughter.” My mom says putting her arm around me.
Gabe winks his eye at my mom and if I were counting that would have been at least the fifth time today. “Alright then, catch up with us down there ok?” He says.
“We will, just have fun.” My mom says.
If I didn’t already know I would believe I was in another life. My mom wants to spend time with me on purpose. I smile spreads across my lips. I guess what people say is right, no matter what you always want to have a relationship with your mother.
My mom and I go up the stairs to the top floor of the carousel. Since we are here early there isn’t much of a line so we get our pick of animals. My mom lets me pick first and takes the one next to me. I can’t help but ask her the questions that have been eating me up the last few days.
“So Mom, you look really good. Is there a reason for the change?” I ask gripping the pole in front of me.
“I don’t know, it was time I guess.” She smiles looking down. I could tell she is hiding something from me but can’t tell what it is and I pray like hell it isn’t a man for the change.
“I love it mom, you look beautiful.” I say and when she looks over I don’t think I have ever seen her this happy.
The ride starts and mom and I go up and down with the music. Little kids are screaming in delight and I can’t help but smile. This is the last place I remember being when my parents were together. I can practically feel my dad next to me laughing while standing next to me. His hands on my back and the way he would kiss my temple before pulling me down after it was over.
My mom is laughing at the kid in front of us because he keeps trying to get off and his dad keeps putting him back. “You were like that.” She motions her hand in front of her. “I always lacked the patience but your dad would go over and over with you until you felt comfortable.”
“I remember.” My smile dim compared to hers. She instantly sees the sorrow in mine.
“I know honey.” She reaches over and pats my knee. “This week is hard.”
I shake my head in agreement afraid I would lose it right here on the carousel.
When the rides stops my mom puts her arm around me on our way to the stairs. “Let’s go get that blue cotton candy.”
We start walking around the park sharing a blue cotton candy. “Thanks mom.”
“For what?” She asks taking a piece off putting it in her mouth.
“For knowing just what I needed.” Plopping a piece of blue sticky bite onto my tongue.
“Can we sit for a second?” My mom motions to a park bench.
“Sure” I am hesitant and think this is the time she is going to tell me about the new man in her life that is the reason for her transformation and newly remodeled house. The reason she is being nice and concerned over me the last couple days. Once I say ok and she introduces us it will go back to Maddy go away and hello my new man.
“I wish this would be enough for you but I know it isn’t. There wouldn’t be anything I could say that would make it better.” She rambles.
“I’m not following mom.”
“I’m sorry Maddy, for everything. I should have been a better mother. I should have been there for you to protect you and watch over you. Instead I did the opposite putting you in danger.” Tears stream down her face but she wipes them with the back of her hands. “God, I didn’t want to do this here but you haven’t been home much since you got back.”
“It’s ok mom, it was a long time ago and I am fine, see.” I place my hands at my side.
“You’re beautiful, smart and caring. It kills me that I had nothing to do with that. You practically raised yourself.” She remarks.
“Oh mom. I can’t say I wasn’t bitter towards you but seeing you like this makes me happy.” I bring my hand down from her head to her toes. “You look like…”
“A mom” she finishes my sentence.
“Yeah, a mom.” I confirm.
“It took me awhile to get used to it but I like it too.” She grins back at me.
“I’m glad.” I smile genuinely.
“How did I get such a great daughter?” She puts her arm around my shoulder pulling me into her.
“I don’t know, lucky I guess.” I shrug my shoulders up against her.
“The luckiest mom ever. Thank you Maddy. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“Oh mom. You stay this way and you won’t have to worry about it.” I let her hug me. It’s the closest I have been to her since that night and before that it had been years.
We get off the bench and start walking again towards the rides.
“Maddy I have to talk to you about something else. I was going to wait until later but after our heart to heart back there I think now is the time.” She doesn’t face me just looks straight.