“It was late, I just spent the night because we had both drank.” I am talking so fast because I know when the doors open he is gone.
“How convenient. I don’t want the details of your drunken fuck Maddy.” He clenches his teeth.
“No, Trent slept on the couch. It wasn’t like that.” I am pulling on his arms trying to make him look at me. The elevator is dropping floors so fast I can almost feel him leaving me already.
“You just happened to bring pajamas with you?” He raises his eyebrows.
I stare down at my tank top and pajama pants. The ones Trent never got rid of.
“No!” I scream. “Trent had these in his drawer from before.” I can tell he doesn’t believe me though.
“I’m such a fool Maddy. I actually thought you picked me yesterday. I should have known. It’s always been Trent, hasn’t it?” He starts talking louder.
“No, I do. I pick you.” I answer in a panic. Third floor passes by and I can’t have him leave like this.
“Answer me one question Maddy.” He finally looks me right in the eye and I want to breakdown right there. I have torn this man apart; his eyes are turning dead right in front of me. “Do you still love Trent?”
The bell beeps and the doors open. I don’t answer Gabe, I can’t. I do love Trent but I don’t know to what degree or in what capacity.
“That’s what I thought. Good-bye Maddy.” He sneaks past me and out the doors.
“Please Gabe.” I beg falling to my knees in front of the door. I can’t hold my cries in any longer. I move over on my knees to press Trent’s floor, then collapse against the wall staring at Gabe’s blood drops on the floor. What have I done? I think I just let the love of my life slip through my fingers.
Chapter 17 – College Junior Year
Finals are over and I can’t be happier. One more year left and I will be a college graduate with a Bachelor of Arts. I am packing my dorm room because Mackenna, Bryan and I rented a house for our senior year. I am thankful I don’t have to spend another summer at home with mom and her boyfriend of the week. No more cleaning her mess or locking my door at night in case a stranger stumbled in. I won’t have to wait in my room until I hear her leave for work or act like I am sleeping when she returns in the middle of the night with some guy smelling of booze and cigarettes.
I already lined up a job at the rec center, a requirement from my dad since he is paying my rent along with tuition. He will be coming out in a couple weeks to see the house he has only seen in the pictures I sent him.
My clothes are all packed in suitcases, my books in boxes. My closet still has a mass of miscellaneous things scattered across the bottom. There is the purple plaid box in the corner. I forgot all about it, transporting it home and back the last few years. I open it and then shut it quick. I shouldn’t do this now. This is going to be a happy day, moving on my own. Don’t ruin it I tell myself but I open it anyway.
The pictures are scattered in the box along with little trinkets from the trip. It includes a bottle of sand with seashells in it. It isn’t the one you bought in a souvenir shop, we made them together, each taking one home. As a tear runs down my cheek I realize I should have listened to myself, I shouldn’t have opened this box.
After that night in Cancun when Gabe kissed me, he showed up at my doorstep at nine o’clock the next morning.
“What on earth are you doing here this early? It’s vacation.” I rubbed my eyes opening the door but crawling back under the covers.
“We have four days, twenty-one hours, thirty six minutes and eighteen seconds get your lazy ass out of bed.” Gabe pulled the comforter off of me.
“What the fuck is Asshole number two doing here?” Mackenna asked throwing a pillow over her head.
“Let’s go, both of you. It’s vacation we have places to be.” Gabe striped us both of our blankets.
“Where?” I asked reluctantly sitting up.
“Breakfast, pool, beach.” He jumped onto my bed crossing his ankles resting his arms behind his head. “Now go get ready, I want to spend every waking hour with you before we leave here.” He whispered in my ear.
My face turned a nice shade of pink and I automatically stood up digging for my swimsuit. Gabe and I were standing by the doorway waiting for Mackenna to join us but she threw a pillow at us to get the fuck out. Laughing we left the room and I shut the door and Gabe pushed me against the wall kissing me. “Good Morning Maddy.”
“What a nice morning it is.” I smiled.
Gabe and I spent the next four days together. We hung out at the pool, went parasailing and shopped. Gabe showed up every morning at my room and kissed me goodnight every night at my door. Although we did nothing more than kiss each other it was the most intimate time for me which is why it surprised me the morning Kenna and I were to leave to find a note from him tucked under my door.
Maddy,
I hate that I am writing you this letter instead of telling you. I tried a million times tonight but I couldn’t say it.
Let me start off my saying how amazing these five days have been. When the boys dragged me down here I never thought I would not only run into you but be able to spend almost the whole trip with you.
Being able to touch you, grab your hand or kiss you whenever I want has been a luxury I’ve wanted for a long time. I meant what I said on the beach that night, my feelings for you run deep. Even though I can’t explain them completely, I know you could be the one for me. You could be the one that makes me forget all others and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, I am not the only one that feels that way. I hope you understand why I have to do this. You could never hate me as much as I hate myself for walking away from a woman so perfect for me but my brother saw you first. I have to honor my promise to him. I have to let him have his chance with you. Let him prove us both wrong. Let him prove he does deserve you.
I ask that you give your whole self to him and see where it takes you both. As much as it kills me it won’t be with me I hope you find happiness with him.
I will love you always Madgirl.
Gabe
I fold the letter back up putting it in the plaid box. Wiping the tears in my eyes I contemplate how I let him slip out of my life. I have only seen Gabe a handful of times after that letter and we gave each other politely awkward hellos and good-byes.
I took Gabe’s advice after that letter and starting talking to Trent about a month after we got back from spring break. He came home that summer for a month and I let him court me but like always Trent was more concerned about his life than my own. When he got a call to play in Europe for the rest of the summer he was on the next plane swearing we could do the long distance relationship.
The phone calls went from daily to weekly to finally it had been two weeks and I hadn’t heard a thing. When I would call him it sounded like a party, with girls and guys hollering in the background. Trent too distracted to have a true conversation. He never came home that summer before he went back to Thrayer University and I didn’t hear from him until about a month after school had started.
I had already written Trent off at that point but like always he begged for forgiveness stating if he wanted a career in soccer he had to take this serious and couldn’t be distracted. Of course I forgave him and we rekindled our friendship. We didn’t talk every day or every week. We lived out the next two years of our college life as friends, e-mailing and texting with the occasional phone call. We never asked if either one of us was dating someone not that I was anyway.