“I hope you will forgive me. Isn’t it absurd, I am asking for your forgiveness when I can’t forgive mom or Trent? Is there an act that is unforgivable?” I shake my head knowing there are but what mom and Trent did are not unforgivable.
“I know you would tell me to forgive them you never were one to hold grudges. God, why did you have to die on me?” I put my head in my hands crying. “My life is a disaster dad. Gabe found me at Trent’s apartment today and he thinks I slept with him but I didn’t. Trent wants me to desert Gabe and move right back in with him but I love Gabe, at least I think I do. Now mom tells me she has been clean for two years and she hasn’t told me until now. I have been living my life for three years with no one to look over me or guide me. I am so mad at you for leaving me.” I pound my fists onto the ground crumpling.
“I was mad at first too.” The deep voice speaks behind me. I didn’t hear him come up. “I would sit here and scream at him for leaving us but eventually it stopped. It wasn’t his fault Maddy, he didn’t want to leave us.” He rests his hand on my shoulder.
“Oh Jack, I miss him so much.” I try to wipe the tears but I can’t catch them fast enough.
“I know Maddy, I know. I do too.” He kneels down wrapping his arms around me tight. “Talk to me. I know I haven’t been the most welcoming to talk about your love life but listening to you now makes me feel like a shitty brother.”
“You don’t want to hear it Jack. This week is about you and Lindsey. My problems shouldn’t be your concern.” I say into his chest my breathing still unsteady.
“I want to help you. Come on let’s go get something to eat.” He stands up asking for my hand. My fingers rub across the letters and the angel one more time before I take Jack’s hand.
“Bye, I promise I will be back.” I pull my hand back closing my eyes.
“Hey dad, I’ll come back later. Got to take care of our girl.” Jack speaks casually. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I realize he is in his running gear too. Looking down the hill I don’t see his car. I guess I am getting my exercise in today.
“I picked it up after dad. Wanted to make sure my heart stayed in good shape.” He says noticing my curious expression at his attire.
“Funny, me too.” I admit.
“Hey do you know anything about that angel? One day it just appeared there.” He asks. I bite my lip unsure if I should tell him.
“Huh” I look back at the cement angel that sat on the right of my dad’s headstone. I don’t exactly lie I just don’t divulge all the information. Maybe I can tell him one day but not yet.
We walk over to the diner in town. We are lucky this town is so small, easy to access on foot. The diner is decorated in fifty style with teal, black and red sprawled throughout with the long counter wrapping all around the kitchen area lined with stools. Booths are placed around the windows. It is midafternoon so it is bare with the exception of some older gentleman at the counter.
Jack picks a table in the back that I assume is for privacy. In this town everyone wants to know everyone’s business. The young waitress comes over, maybe a high school student and we order fries and milkshakes. I know I am taking my chances getting into that dress on Saturday if I keep my diet like I have.
“So, I promise I won’t judge.” Jack says laying his forearms on the table. “I know a little of the love triangle, Doug has filled me in a little throughout the years.” He admits and I see the anguish in his eyes that he never asked me before.
“Are you sure Jack? I could always talk to Lindsey or someone else. Is this going to make you feel uncomfortable?” I ask.
“Maddy, I’m fine. We are adults now. I am your brother. I want to help you. Not to mention, I know the Basso brothers the best after their mom and dad.”
Jack has a point there. “Ok, tell me if you want me to stop at some point.”
He makes a face at me so I continue. “Well, I always thought I was meant to be with Trent….” I start to tell my brother the story of my life he isn’t familiar with.
An hour later, our milkshake and fries have been consumed, Jack looks emotionally exhausted and I finally take a much needed rest from talking.
“When I say this I want you to know I love Trent and Gabe like my own brothers. Knowing them both I have a preference of who I want my little sister to be with if I only have them to choose from. But this isn’t my decision and to tell you the truth I think you know who you want to be with but you are just afraid of the answer.” He motions for the waitress. So much for brotherly advice, he heard my story now he is ready to leave.
The little blonde comes over giving my brother a once over. Seriously, he is like fifteen years older than her.
“Can we get two more shakes and some water?” He asks. I look up at him in surprise.
“No, I will have a diet soda.” Jack looks up at me. “I have to fit into that dress on Saturday.” I smile.
“Oh yeah, me too.” I cock my eyebrow at him. “You know what I mean.” He waves me off looking at the waitress. “I’ll have a diet soda as well.”
She nods her head smacking her gum leaving to fill the order.
“How could you possible think I know who I want to be with? Did you not hear how complicated this situation is?” I ask in disbelief.
“I can hear it when you told the story. Your mannerism and voice changed when you were talking about one of them more than the other. There were words here or there where I could tell which one you love more.”
“That’s just it Jack, I don’t think I love one more than the other.”
“Yes you do Maddy. Listen, you couldn’t pick a worse triangle, I mean brothers are bad but the Basso’s are so close. Their brotherly bond is so thick and tight which makes me understand how much they both must love you. No ordinary girl would come between those two, Gabe wouldn’t betray his brother like that for some girl he didn’t love or see a future with. If Trent didn’t love the girl as much as his brother he wouldn’t fight to overcome him. I also know that their love is so deep for each other once you make your decision, your honest no going back decision, the other will step down. Don’t get me wrong it will be hard at first and it might take time for the brothers to heal but they will come back together in time.”
I shake my head in agreement.
“Maddy, the time has come. You have to make this decision and soon. If you don’t I am afraid you will lose them both. From what you say they are both close to their breaking points, Gabe might already be there.”
“I know, I know.” I agree.
“You had to wait for my wedding. Lindsey warned me about this but I thought she was crazy.” He shakes his head in amusement but I see the stress along with it.
“I will wait until Sunday.” I say thinking this will make the situation tolerable.
“Oh no you won’t. I am not going to have some big blow up at my wedding, which is going to happen if you keep stringing them along. You make that decision tonight Maddy. You either pick one of them or yourself. Whatever you decide it has to be it. You need to do it for not only yourself for them.” He seems angry and upset.
“I’m sorry.” I put my head down playing with my straw.
“I don’t mean to be cruel. I am just trying to tell you how it is. I love you Maddy and I hope you pick the person in your heart because you deserve the happiness that you never got. You deserve to have someone there for you and cherish you. Someone who thinks the world of you and will stand by your side when you need them the most and someone you want to stand by when they need you.” He looks like he might cry.
“You’re going to make an excellent husband Jack. Lindsey’s lucky.” I say putting my hand over his on the table.
“I keep telling her that but she doesn’t believe me.” He laughs. Then I realize he is my father. Somewhere in our screwed up childhood Jack developed my dad’s fatherly qualities and he has perfected them.