“What is it?” I run over to him, and he leads me to the bed.
He head shakes, making my stomach churn with the bad thoughts of why my brother is home so early from practice. If anything, he usually stays later to gain an edge on his competition. With Tanner unable to race for at least the next month, Brad is their team’s only hope.
A heavy breath releases from his lips, and he turns my way before taking my hands. My body is on high alert. I know that whatever he’s about to tell me will change things between us . . . immediately.
I SHUFFLE BACK AND FORTH from my dresser to my suitcase. It’s been two weeks since I walked out of Tanner’s room. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I empty my drawers and all the belongings I’ve accumulated in the past four years.
I miss him. I miss us.
Pushing my heart away, I rationalize that he’s not the person I thought he was. He’s not someone for my future. He’s now my past. After a soft knock on my door, I wipe the wetness with my thumbs and take a deep breath. Double-checking my face in the mirror behind my door, I open it.
Wendi is standing on the other side, her glasses low on her nose and her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. The book in her hand is open with a highlighter in the middle, signaling she was studying. I finished my finals yesterday, but she still has two more. That’s why I have every intention of spending tonight at Bea’s.
She limply holds a white envelope in her hand out to me. “This just came for you.”
“From who?” I ask.
“Who do you think?”
“I’m sorry, Wendi. I told him to stop two days ago.”
“It wasn’t him. It was Matt,” she reveals.
Matt is one of Tanner’s teammates.
“Oh.” I take the envelope from her hand. It’s light, and I notice Tanner’s chicken-scratch handwriting scribbled on the outside. “Thanks, Wendi.”
“Sure.” Her eyes soften for the first time in a while. Our one year roommate relationship has been hot and cold lately. “I’m sorry, Piper.”
Her lips straighten, and I see her sympathy for me. She’s been great at lying to Tanner these past two weeks, always telling him I wasn’t home even if I was hidden in my bedroom.
“Thanks. Sometimes, things don’t work out, but thank you, Wendi.” I mean it, too.
We were closer friends before we moved in together. It’s nice our roommate situation might end on a nice note, other than the constant passive-aggressiveness over the past few months.
She nods and then turns around, walking back into the living room. After shutting my door, I sit on the edge of my bed. Flashes of Tanner in front of me and me undressing him run through my mind. Staring down at the letter, it sinks in my hands as though it weighs twenty pounds. My finger rests along the seam, and I tear my finger through the barrier. After taking the letter out of the envelope, I inhale a deep breath while slowly unfolding the paper.
Piper,
I don’t blame you for not talking to me, and I’m hoping you’re reading this letter. It’s my last attempt to get you to listen to me. When you read this, I’ll be on a plane to Colorado already. I’m not going to try to get you to understand anymore. I’ve made my bed.
There are a few things I wanted you to know though. I love you, Piper. Regardless of my actions, it’s the truth. You’re the girl for me, and I doubt a carbon copy of you is out there somewhere. I’m praying, with more time, you’ll forgive me and call me, but your silence these past weeks have proven that I might have hurt you beyond repair.
It’s the first time in my life that I don’t want to swim. I want to sit outside your apartment and wait for you to come back to me. But if I can’t have you, swimming will be the next best thing to fulfill my life.
Just know, you’ll always hold my heart.
Love,
Tanner
The letter floats to the ground, and my head drops into my hands. My throat constricts, and tears build to capacity before shedding down my cheeks. I wish I could go to him and take him back. But what kind of future can I have when, after only a month, he lied to me, deceived me, and made me believe he was someone he wasn’t? Standing up, I walk over to my suitcase. It’s time I move on, time I get on with my life, without Tanner McCain.
ten
Two Years Later
LOCKING MYSELF IN MY CHILDHOOD room, I pile my chestnut hair and pull them into a tight ponytail. The summer humidity of Michigan is stifling, and leaving my hair down is not an option. After a swipe of mascara and a little eyeliner, I look in the mirror, long and hard.
This is the day I’ve been dreading. I have no idea how my body will react to him. It’s been two years since I walked out of his bedroom with a shattered heart. Taking a deep breath, I will those repeated pep talks to take root.
From the day my brother called to tell me he proposed, I’ve feared this day. It was easy to be indifferent to Tanner before our month fling. Should I even refer to it as a fling? Probably not. I doubt my heart would have broken if all he meant to me were a few times rolling around in the sheets.
And that leaves me here, standing in front of my mirror, with perfect makeup, a new dress, and lungs that barely fill with air. The noises float up from the patio outside. Brad’s friends are having fun and razzing each other. Without seeming too interested in Tanner, the only information I have is, he flies in tonight, and he will be staying at his parents’ house. They are thrilled because he hasn’t been home in two years. He’s remained in Colorado this whole time, training for next year’s Olympics. His parents and Brad have gone out to visit him, but I’ve kept my distance. Plus, it’s not as though he’s tried hard to reach me.
Just as I exit my room, the doorbell rings, and I debate on running back to my room.
“Piper, can you get that?” my mom asks, noticing me from her own bedroom while putting an earring in.
I should be blunt and answer no, but she raised me better. “Sure, Mom.”
Descending the stairs, my body slowly limps. By the time I’m on the last step, sweat is forming under my dress, and it’s not the humidity but the fear of who is on the other side of the door.
“Calm. Be calm,” I softly repeat.
The damn yoga class has done nothing to center myself the last few weeks.
My palm covers the doorknob, and I suck in a breath, twisting the metal with my hand. I easily breathe it out and smile when I see a couple reminding me of Tanner standing outside.
“Mr. and Mrs. McCain, how are you?” I open the door further, welcoming Tanner’s parents to our house.
“We’ve talked about this, Piper. You’re old enough to call us Lana and Patrick.”
Mrs. McCain looks as impeccable as ever with her perfect brown bob haircut and cute sundress. She steps over the doorway, opening her arms for a hug, which I happily reciprocate. From her short stature, one would never guess she is Tanner’s mom.
Then, seeing his dad confirms that Tanner is theirs.
Mrs. McCain steps aside, and Mr. McCain smiles warmly at me, his own arms open for a hug.
“It’s nice to see you, Piper.” Once I’m in his arms, he goes to kiss my cheek and whispers, “You’ve been hiding.”
I freeze, assured he knows something. Did Tanner confide in him? What is the meaning behind his words?
Then, he pulls back, his hands firmly grasping my upper arms. “You look as beautiful as ever.” He smiles one last time and releases me.
“Thank you . . . Patrick.” His name seems odd coming from my mouth.
He winks, and my stomach drops as I’m reminded of his son’s signature move for me. Tanner doesn’t shoot it to everyone. It was mostly just for me. It took me a while to figure it out, but when I did, my heart would drum in my chest.