“Just as you remembered?” Tanner asks.
I haven’t been here since that night with Tanner. Curtis asked me to come here many times, but I wouldn’t allow him to bring me. It holds too many good memories.
“Yeah,” I mumble over my mouthful of food.
“Good.” He smiles, cutting his own bite.
The silence filling our table is one of comfort as we both enjoy our food.
We’re about halfway done with our meals when Tanner surprises me by beginning to talk again, “Before we discuss it, I want to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened, but most of all, I’m sorry that you got hurt.” He places his knife and fork down and grabs the stem of his glass, bringing it up to his lips.
“Okay.” I mimic his motions.
“The other thing I want you to know is, I love your brother. He’s my brother as much as Dylan is. I’d do anything for Brad. As much as I hate to admit it, I failed him that day, too. When I thought I was protecting him, I did the opposite.”
I tilt my head, confused at his admission. “Failed him?” I question.
He nods. “When I left you in my room, Brad told me his urine tested positive for enhancement drugs. He was pissed and upset. I was already out for the year with my back.”
He looks at me long and hard, but I don’t understand where he’s going with the story.
Tanner confessed they were his drugs that Brad had taken by mistake. They told me that Tanner had left a smoothie on the counter, and Brad had drunk it.
“It all seemed to make sense in the kitchen. We thought we figured everything out. A decision made in two minutes was the most brilliant plan. The consequences never came to the surface until it all crumpled in front of us.”
“Tan, I don’t understand. You were putting the drugs in your smoothies, right?”
He shakes his head. “No, I wasn’t, Piper.” His eyes wander to the window, and he quiets a few minutes. My stomach churns from his silence.
“Then, who did it? How did they get in Brad’s system for him to test positive?”
He turns to me and sucks a deep breath.
“No.” I violently shake my head. “That’s not true. You’re lying.”
“I’m sorry, Piper. That’s what I meant earlier when I said I’d protect your brother forever, and that day, I did, ultimately losing you.”
Here we go again. He picked my brother over me. Even with the anger rising in me, I recognize that he gave my brother an undeserved leg up to try to make it to the Olympics.
“Let me get this straight.” I lean forward in my seat. “You took the fall, saying you put enhancement drugs in smoothies and that Brad accidentally drank one that was left on the counter. When, in fact, Brad knowingly took drugs?”
He nods again. “But I should have made Brad confess. I should have made him realize what he was doing to himself. We rushed to the decision, wanting the problem to go away.”
His eyes weep honesty, and I fight back the tears welling up in my own.
“This whole time, I’ve been treating you like shit when you did nothing wrong. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The more I realize how that one act took my life on a path I hadn’t wanted it to go, the madder I become.
“I tried. You wouldn’t talk to me. Your brother wanted it to be kept sealed shut. What was I supposed to do? Say, ‘Hey, let’s tell your sister, so she won’t break up with me.’ If anything, I feared pissing you off more by telling him about us.”
My body sinks into the leather chair, and now, I’m the one staring out the window.
“Coach said he could keep it wrapped up. The training center in Colorado tested me, and I was clean, so they had no problem with me starting. I begged you to talk to me, Piper, but you refused. Eventually, I had no choice but to leave for Colorado.”
I still remain quiet, processing the fact that my brother was the cheater and Tanner was everything I’d thought he was—add in loyal friend to the mix.
His voice changes from matter-of-fact to determined. “I thought if I didn’t have you, I’d at least have swimming, and I was given a cutoff date for when I had to be there to train. After lying, I could barely face you. It’s taken me two years to get here.” He pins me with his eyes. “I’m done playing games now and I want you back.”
“Hold on.” I place my hand in the air. “I need to process all of this.” I shake my head. “I can’t believe this. All this time, Brad has said nothing to me.”
“He probably thought it didn’t matter. What was it to him if you hated me?” Tanner picks up his knife and fork, cutting another sliver of his steak. He brings it up to his mouth, but then he puts the uneaten piece back down.
“It did. He ruined my life. His constant need to win and beat you ruined me.” My voice escalates and I dig my finger into my chest.
Tanner places his napkin on the table. “Maybe we should leave.”
I wipe my mouth with my napkin and tuck it to the side of my plate. “No, I want you to finish,” he argues.
He leans back in his chair and he glances from my steak to me.
“I’ve had enough.” I reach across the table for his hand. This is the first time I’ve initiated any physical contact between us. “I want to leave, but thank you for bringing me here.”
He studies me for a second and then nods his head before catching the waiter’s attention.
Tanner slips the confused waiter his credit card, and we wait patiently before continuing our conversation.
I have so many questions filling my brain, and I’m trying to process and categorize it all into compartments—for Tanner, Brad, and lastly, myself.
I watch Tanner sitting across the table. His jaw is more defined now. Light stubble covering his chin and cheeks shows how he’s turned into a man these past couple of years. He’s melancholy, quiet, and reserved, momentarily turning off the cocky jokester I love.
I silently observe him thank the waiter, scribble the tip, total, and his signature on the receipt.
“You ready?” He slides his chair out from the table. Standing up, he holds his hand out to me.
I don’t reflexively grab it. I think about it before accepting it. When his fingers wrap around mine, it’s not foreign and weird. It’s peaceful and serene.
The sun is starting to set by the time we walk hand in hand down the sidewalk. Instead of returning to our cars, Tanner leads me toward the gazebo. It’s clear of any kids, which is odd for a warm summer night in Marlowe.
“Want to sit on a bench or in the gazebo?” he asks.
I look around at the few people with dogs fetching balls or couples walking around. “The gazebo.”
He smiles and guides us up the white wooden stairs. Signaling me to sit on the round bench, I am surprised when Tanner leaves space in between us as he sits.
“I have a question,” I meekly announce.
He swivels, so his legs are turned toward me. “Whatever you need to ask, do.” He tips his head my way before staring at the floor of the gazebo.
“If I had given you the opportunity to tell me the truth senior year, would you have?”
He runs his hand down his face, turning his head toward me. I get my answer before he speaks.
“I’m not sure. Honestly, probably not. I was hoping you’d forgive me, and we’d move on.”
“That’s what I thought.” I’m disappointed that Tanner would have continued to put my brother in front of us. “Why now?”
“I never thought you’d stay this mad. Never did I think that you wouldn’t forgive me.”
I appreciate his truthfulness.
“How can you not be mad? How could you take the fall for Brad? As an athlete, weren’t you completely pissed off at him? With how hard you trained and the hours you put in—you did that all, and Brad took drugs in order to have an advantage. So, that’s why I couldn’t forgive you, Tanner.” I point my finger at him, my voice rising. “You failed me when I thought you did drugs. You betrayed me as an athlete when you told me. I didn’t want to be with someone who used shortcuts to get ahead,” I plead my case, the anger surfacing fast.
He glances over to me, hard and stern. “God, I love your passion.”