bedroom.
He shoved the door closed behind him with extra force and glared at me.
“How long have you been surfing the web like that?” he growled between his gritted teeth.
I didn’t answer. His anger caught me off-guard.
“Why the hell are you looking up shit on the Internet? Do you need more reasons in your head not to trust me?”
“Please keep your voice down. We have guests, remember? I’m sorry,” I whispered. I felt terrible that I upset him.
“I am trying so damn hard to make sure our relationship stays on track, knowing full well that we have more obstacles than most. And then I see
you doing that shit! What the fuck, Taryn?”
I didn’t know how to fully explain my actions. “I was curious to see what the public was being told.” I was so ashamed my words were barely
audible. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
“What else do you need to know? This is our life, right here! It’s happening right now! I am standing in this room with you. I’m not out there in
those pictures. I don’t give a damn what the public is being told!”
“What if the situation was reversed and the magazines were printing stories that I’m some whore who’s screwing three different guys at once.
You don’t think that would concern you?” I asked.
“But you’re not! And I certainly am not doing what they accuse me of. I have no control over what trash they print.”
“Yes, you do.” I thought about several ways he could get the point across to the world that he was a one-woman kind of man, that he in fact was
currently involved with just one woman, but he’d have to make that move on his own.
“How?” Ryan barked.
I chickened out and bit my tongue. “I thought you had a publicist?” I stated calmly.
He scoffed. “If all those Seaside fans want to fantasize that I’m actually living the shit that’s filmed, that me and Suzanne are some star-crossed
lovers, what am I supposed to do about it? Put out a public statement that they’re all deluded?” He threw his hands up in the air.
“And that picture of me and that girl from New York, that little picture is going to still pop up years from now. Those trash magazines are going to
say that I’m cheating on you with her one day!”
He took a deep breath. “You have to realize that some of that shit is printed specifically to generate public reaction. They will post pictures of me
and Suzanne just to keep the public interested in the film. They will print shit just to keep my career controversial and fresh. I may be asked to do
stuff that might upset you just to pique public interest. It’s all part of the game.”
He sat down on the bed, facing me. “Honey, our relationship has to be built on trust. That stuff is just going to tear it down.”
I looked down at my hands. He was right; my behavior was incorrigible but I wasn’t alone there.
He took my hand and pressed it to his chest. “This… this is real.”
“So if your PR team asks you to screw some actress to pique public interest, is that what you’re willing do to keep your career controversial? I
just want to be clear on how far you’re willing to go.”
His tone was angry and sarcastic. “Yes, Taryn. I’m going to throw away our relationship, forget that I’m in love with you, and screw every woman
that throws her legs up in the air. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you need to believe that I truly am? Just like your ex-fiancé? That I’m no
different from every other asshole who has ever cheated on you?”
I looked away and winced from the sting of his words. That was a low blow but in a way I deserved it. Pain cracked in my chest and the tears of
shame formed in my eyes.
He stood up from the bed and knelt down on the floor in front of me.
“I’m not them, Tar. I don’t know what else to do to make you have faith in me. Why don’t you trust me?”
“I do trust you,” I muttered, wiping the tear from my cheek. “This whole conversation has nothing to do with trust. There are just so many other
influences out there. It’s hard to keep up with it all.” I looked him in the eyes.
“Ryan, your life is public. I want to know what’s being said about you. I want to protect you from all the daggers that are flying in your direction.
Shield you from the lies.” I picked a tissue out of the box on the nightstand and wiped my face.
“You can’t protect me from it - you’re way outnumbered,” he said, defeated.
I took a deep breath. “It’s more than that. The other reason I look is, sometimes I feel like I’m living with two people… the man I’m in love with and
some other guy I barely know. The photo shoots, premiers, public appearances, magazine spreads, interviews, all of that is in here too.” I pressed
my hand back on his chest. “I look so I can understand it all; so I can be connected and in love with all of you.”
Ryan rubbed his face and sighed. “I didn’t see it that way. I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered, staring solemnly into my eyes.
I sniffed back my tears and acknowledged his apology with a nod.
“I don’t want your mind to get clouded with the lies, Taryn. That’s all.” He picked up my hand, wrapping it in his. “It’s so easy for fabricated
stories to appear believable. They even merge pictures and try to pass them off as real.”
“Regardless Ryan, all those real pictures of you, all those poses, stills, and magazine spreads, those are all little bits and pieces of you – of who
you are, of things you’ve been through, things you’ve experienced. All of that is a side of you that I don’t know. In a way it helps me understand you.”
He breathed out another sigh and tapped our gathered hands into his forehead. He looked up into my eyes.
“I think this is the part where I apologize and we kiss and make up,” he suggested softly.
I fidgeted a bit, still wiping the remnants of tears from my cheeks.
“I think this is the part where we realize that we still have a lot to learn about each other. That it takes a lot more than physical love to keep
people together.”
He stood up in front of me, pulling me up off the bed by my hands.
“You’re right,” he agreed. “I’m so sorry for blowing up at you.”
“I’m sorry for giving you a reason to do so, but I hope you see the reasons why I look and don’t get upset with me if I do it again.”
He shook his head, exhaling harshly. “You’re going to see stuff and think it’s true. I really wish you wouldn’t.”
I spent the next few hours trying to look happy in front of our guests, careful not to let on that I was still mulling over the heated discussion he and I
had.S uzanne and Francesca showed up later in the evening; tonight was their last night in Seaport. Both of them had flights to catch the next day.
Scott was trying to pump Suzanne full with shots - I suppose to loosen her up again - however she continued to watch every move that Ryan made.
She would flirt with Scott and then check to see if Ryan saw it. Unfortunately for her, Ryan had other things on his mind that he was worrying about -
fans.
It didn’t take long for word to get out that Ryan Christensen was in Mitchell’s Pub again. Girls started to arrive in droves. Cory’s friend Trevor
was working the door for me and after a while I had him stop allowing people in; we were crowded enough with obsessive females.
Ryan was doing his best to just deal with it all. I could see he was trying to have fun and blend in and not worry about the extra attention he was
getting, but he had to work at it.
Suzanne did not like it at all when Scott left her side to become Ryan’s wingman. Just standing in close proximity to Ryan provided Scott with a
hearty selection of new women to talk to. It didn’t take her long to slip her way in between Ryan and Scott.