having an affair with Lauren going? Oh, and what about the reports of you calling Suzanne to cry on her shoulder? I don’t see her doing anything to
squelch those lies either so I let her know how I felt.”
“What is she supposed to do?” he raised his voice to me again.
“She should do her damn job! She’s supposed to protect your reputation, right? And now she also represents me?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. She can’t stop what’s printed,” he snapped back.
“Like hell she can’t! It took her no time at all to put out a public statement pretty much shading over the fact that I’m an imbecile who crossed a
street without looking both ways, but she doesn’t have anything to say about your supposed affairs? How about a big freaking public statement that
says Ryan Christensen is not sleeping with Lauren Delaney or Suzanne Strass?”
“She won’t do that,” he said flatly. “And don’t you dare ask her to do that either.”
“Why?” The tears from his betrayal came to my eyes.
“Because controversy is what’s going to sell tickets.”
I scoffed. “I can’t believe this! My life, my reputation, they are all up for grabs, but Heaven forbid that we mess with ticket sales!”
“Taryn, just stop.”
“No! Screw that. I’m sitting here – banged up – broken – our first child is gone and I have to swallow it all because of ticket sales. You know
what Ryan? Fuck you!” I snapped my phone shut.
His mother’s mouth dropped open but I didn’t care anymore. He just informed me where I rated on his priority list.
Two minutes later he called back. I hung up on him and then turned my cell phone off. The tears were pouring out of my eyes. The pain in my
stomach from my ribs being bruised was no longer stifled by Percocet. I pulled a pillow over top of my ice pack and wept uncontrollably.
“Taryn, Honey.” His mother tried to console me. “Don’t get yourself so upset.”
Her cell phone rang.
“I’m not talking to him right now!” I sputtered through my tears.
“Ryan, you shouldn’t get Taryn upset like this! She needs to heal!” She moved her conversation to my kitchen, but I could still hear her.
“Son, she lost a baby! You need to be more understanding. She’s in the living room crying her eyes out. She doesn’t need this stress right now.
I know Honey – you don’t either.”
Ellen came back into the living room and held out her phone. “He wants to talk to you.”
“Tell him to ask Marla what I should say.” I wiped my eyes with my shirtsleeve.
“Taryn!” She used that stern mother tone with me. That was all I could take.
I grabbed the end of the couch with my unbroken arm and slid my body to the edge so I could stand up. “Ow,” I cried out, hunching from the pain
that rocketed through my body.
“Just stay sitting,” she reprimanded me.
“No, I need to stand up,” I grit through my teeth.
She tried to brace me but there wasn’t a spot on my body that wasn’t bruised or busted. I managed to get my legs underneath me and I slowly
straightened up. Ellen held out her phone with Ryan still holding. I took it from her hand.
“You know, when I was lying in the street, I was so relieved when the paramedics strapped me to that board and finally put me in the ambulance.
It meant that I was no longer on display for the paparazzi to take my picture over and over again while I lay there bleeding. Then when the paramedic
cut every piece of clothing off my body and I felt like I was being raped, I thought that that was the worst moment of my life.
“Then when the doctor told us that our child died inside me, I thought that was the worst moment of my life. But to hear that my life has to
continue in a circle of lies and pain so that people go to see your movies, it just makes it all worthwhile. Thank you for that.” I snapped her phone
shut and handed it back to her. I locked my bedroom door behind me.
A few hours later Ellen gently knocked on my door. “Taryn, Honey? Are you hungry?”
“No thank you.” I had gone through an entire box of tissues from crying. I knew she had talked to Ryan about five times. Her phone rang every
twenty minutes.
“Come on sweetheart, you have to eat something. You haven’t eaten all day.”
I didn’t care; I wasn’t hungry so I ignored her.
Ten minutes later there was another knock on my door. This knock was louder.
“Taryn, it’s Marie. Open up.”
I had to give Ryan’s mom credit; she was resourceful.
“I’m okay, Marie. Just leave me alone.” I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to wallow in my own misery.
“Hey Pete, it’s Marie. I need you to come over to Taryn’s and take her bedroom door down. She locked herself in. Just bring a drill and saw so
we can cut the doorknob off. What? I should just kick it in with my foot?”
Marie smiled at me when I opened the door. She only pretended to call Pete. “That’s what’s going to happen if you ever lock yourself in here
again,” she informed.
I heard Ellen talking on her phone, obviously to Ryan. She scurried for the living room when I came out of my room. She was giving Ryan a playby-
play account of my actions. He called his mom several times that night, but I refused to talk to him each time. I was so hurt that no apology could
fix it. The next afternoon, flowers showed up. Three dozen long stemmed red roses accompanied by an “I love you - I’m so sorry” note. I left them in
the box to rot. Like roses would make everything better somehow – perhaps give me a rosy outlook? Yeah right! So much for a happy Valentine’s
Day. If his mother weren’t here, they would have gone in the trash, but Ellen found my crystal vase and spent a few minutes fussing with them.
“You know this is tough on him too,” she uttered, setting the rose arrangement on my dining table. “He is suffering along with you.”
I knew she wanted me to see his side through my self-centered focus, but I was still so angry with him that I was only worried about protecting
myself now. He obviously didn’t care enough to protect my reputation so I was on my own.
Ellen sprayed polish on a rag and started dusting my furniture. Something made her smile.
“Do you remember that time when Ryan called his father from here and told him that you took him fishing?” She turned to look at me.
“Yes,” I answered her, recalling that evening quite clearly.
“He called me later that night when he got back to his hotel.” She smiled. “He was so elated! He said, ‘Mom, I found the woman I’m going to
marry!’ Of course I was thrilled for him, but as his mother I was also concerned. I mean he had only known you for a few weeks, but he was so sure
right from the very start. Taryn, you know he loves you more than anything in this world, don’t you?”
Her guilt trip was working. I tried to hold firm to my reasons for feeling betrayed so my position in this fight would be validated, but her one-sided
conversation was pecking at my resolve. I started to feel like crap for being mad at him.
“He said last night that he feels completely responsible for the accident. After all, it was one of his demented fans that terrorized you, and you
were on your way to see him when he couldn’t be here.”
“It’s not his fault,” I muttered. “He shouldn’t think that.”
“But he does,” she assured me. “He cried so hard last night when I talked to him.” Her voice trembled with pain and remorse.
“He… he said he killed his baby.” Her hand covered her quivering lips when she spoke the words, stifling her urge to cry out loud. Ellen quickly
dropped the dust rag and shielded her face in her hands when her tears broke.
Tears of my own cracked again and I watched her hurry away to the bathroom through my blurry eyes.