He turns toward me, and he’s not like the man who I met months ago. There’s no cocky smile or hungry stare, just a man biting the inside of his cheek studying me, wondering if I’m going to run or stay. I wonder the same thing.
“How did you get in?” I ask, breaking the spell.
He pulls a set of keys from his jeans pocket, dangling them in the air. “I’m moving back into town and need a place to stay for a couple days until I get one of my own.”
“What’s wrong with your studio?”
“It’s fine for sleeping, but it doesn’t have fun stuff like a refrigerator or stove. I’m partial to food.”
I expect him to turn around, but he stares instead, his eyes slowly traveling the length of my body. “I like your new pajamas. They’re very telling.”
When I got home last night, I was so tired, I’d just thrown on a long white t-shirt. I didn’t realize the material was so thin. Crossing my arms over my chest, I step back into the doorway of my room. “I think you should leave.”
He turns his attention back to the stove. “You could at least let me eat first.”
“I’m going to get ready for work, and I want you out of here by the time I’m done. This isn’t going to work for me.”
“We’ll see,” is all he says before I lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on as hot as my skin can bare. I go through the motions slower than usual, giving him time to disappear from my apartment.
It’s quiet when I step back into my bedroom, and as I open the door, I can see why. Blake sits at the table with a plate full of eggs, bacon and toast reading a page in the newspaper. “I thought I told you to leave.”
“You should know by now that I’m not good at following directions,” he replies without looking up.
“Fine then. Forget looking for an apartment. I’d rather you stay here and make my life hell.” I throw a few things in my bag before heading to the kitchen to find something to eat on the way to work. The pans he used for breakfast are wiped clean. “If you’re going to come into my apartment to make yourself breakfast, you could at least make enough for both of us.”
“Lila.”
“What?” I shout, realizing he used the last of the milk.
“Come here. I want to show you something.”
I do as he asks not out of obedience but because I’m ready to unload on him. “You’re such an asshole, Blake! Why don’t you go into somebody else’s apartment and eat all their damn food.” I’m about to unleash more fury on him when I spot the second plate sitting across from him. “Is that for me?” I ask, timidly.
“Yeah. I probably would have told you a while ago, but you were too busy making assumptions.”
I feel like a hypocrite sitting across from him, but my stomach aches from skipping dinner last night. “I guess I should say thank you.”
“That would be nice.”
“What are you doing back in Chicago anyway?”
He looks up, holding my eyes for a few seconds before answering. “We have a project to work on. I thought it would be easier if I were here, especially since we have a babysitter now.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, between bites of delicious buttery scrambled eggs.
“Oh, your boyfriend didn’t tell you? He threatened to pull funding for the project if I stayed on. Wade talked him into letting me complete my contract, but we’re not allowed to meet unless Pierce is present. Sounds like you’ve got yourself a relationship built on trust.” He sips his milk, waiting for me to react. Inside I’m boiling, but I’m not going to let him see that. It’s exactly what he wants.
“Why do you hate Pierce so much?” I ask. While I don’t agree with how Pierce feels about Blake, I don’t get Blake’s hatred. It’s puzzled me for months.
“He’s never liked me. Even when Alyssa was still here, he hated me. He thought she could do so much better. I think when she died it validated everything he’d already assumed.” I still hear the sadness in his voice when he talks about her. It lessens my anger. It reminds me that for weeks after he left, I was ready to forgive him for leaving if he would just give me the chance.
“Where have you been all this time?”
“Trying to forgive myself.”
“And?” I ask.
He sets his fork down on his empty plate, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know if it matters because she’s not my only regret. I have a lifetime of mistakes to work through.”
I stand from the table. “I have to get to work.”
He steps behind me as I rinse my plate in the sink, caging me in with his arms. “Tell me I still have a chance with you. That’s all I want … a chance.”
“Do you want me to lie to you?”
He comes even closer, his body aligned with mine. “I see it in your eyes. I’ve always been able to read your eyes.”
“Sometimes hurt is too much. You left a scar, Blake. There’s no getting over that.”
“I can’t make you forget, but I can fix it. That’s the difference, Lila. Some of my mistakes can’t be fixed, but if you’d let me, you wouldn’t regret it.” His warm breath tickles my neck. If he kissed me there, I don’t know that I could stop him.
Then I think of Pierce, and I can’t do this to him. There’s something real there I can’t ignore, and even if I could, I’m not the type of girl who holds two men on a string at once.
“He told me he loves me,” I whisper, feeling his body stiffen against mine. “And, I told him I love him, too. I love him, Blake.”
He steps back, giving me space to breathe. I walk away without looking back. The thing is, I love Blake too—enough that I can’t chance seeing the pain on his face. I grab my keys and bag and make a hasty retreat out the door.
I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.
I SKIP MY USUAL MORNING office routine, electing to visit Reece before finding my own desk. “Hey,” she says, standing to hug me. “How was your trip?”
I throw my bag on one chair and slide down into the other. “A mess,” I say simply.
“Oh, no! What happened? Did they not like your designs?”
Shaking my head, I say, “No, that part went better than expected, but guess who else signed onto the project?”
She stares at me blankly.
“Blake,” I answer for her, rubbing my fingertips against my temples.
“I thought he’d disappeared. I mean, I didn’t think anyone knew where he was.”
“I guess Wade is better at hide and seek than the rest of us. Damnit, Reece. Every time I think I have my life together, something or someone has to come in and mess with it. Sometimes I feel like I’m a player in the game of chess, but someone else is moving the pieces.”
She moves my purse, taking the chair next to me. “But you’ve been pining over him for months. Aren’t you at least happy that he’s okay?”
“Of course, I’m happy that he’s back with the living, but he’s everywhere I go. He was even in my apartment this morning making breakfast.”
Her eyes narrow on me. “Let me get this straight; a guy who you’ve been missing finally came back into your life and he won’t leave you alone and this is making you angry because…”
I throw my hands up in the air. “Because I’m falling in love with someone else. He’s too late.”
Her mouth falls open. “Who? Who are you falling in love with?”
“Pierce,” I whisper, careful not to let anyone in surrounding offices hear.
“Shut up!”
I shake my head. “He’s been there for me, and somewhere along the way, things changed. I trust him more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. After everything I’ve been through the last year, that means the world to me.”
“How does Pierce feel?”
“He told me he loves me. He made love to me. I don’t question his motivations or intentions. He’s real, and that’s exactly what I needed. I’m done being with guys who make me question where I stand every other day.”