With two steps, he is standing right in front of me lifting my chin until our eyes are level. “Did you sleep with him?”
I shake my head vehemently until his hand falls away. “No, I’d never do that to you. We kissed, but that was as far as I let it go. I was going to talk to you tomorrow. I—”
He interrupts. “Think about it overnight. Don’t do anything you’re going to regret when you wake up in the morning.”
“That’s the thing, Pierce. My thoughts may change, but my feelings won’t. You deserve someone who can give all of herself to you … someone who’ll love only you.”
Walking past me, he peers out the window, hands tucked deep in his suit pockets. “This is partially my fault.”
“Why do you say that?” I ask, staring at his back. I wonder if he can see my reflection in the window … the tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I knew you weren’t ready, but I pushed you anyway. You can’t blame a guy for wanting a chance.”
I cautiously walk toward him. “I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to,” I answer, hoping it’ll erase his guilt. I couldn’t have predicted things would work out the way they did. I didn’t even love Derek the way I love Blake.
“What about work?” he asks.
“I hadn’t even thought about it. I’ll put my resignation on your desk tomorrow if you’d prefer it.”
He finally turns back around. “That’s not what I want.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, nervously rubbing my fingers together.
He nods, closing the distance between us. “Yeah, I’m going to be out of town the rest of the week, so that will give us both time to adjust. We’re scheduled back in New York in a few weeks, and I need you there for that.”
“I just want you to be okay,” I whisper, doing everything I can to hold myself together. He’s too good of a man to have ever gotten mixed up with me.
His hands cradle my face as he leans in to kiss my forehead. I close my eyes as his lips linger there, tears streaming. “Loss isn’t something that’s new to me. It may not be tomorrow, but I’ll be okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeat over and over again.
“I should have asked you to dinner the night we met.”
The knife he’d already lodged twists. I’m not the only one with what ifs. Something tells me I’ll always be one of his.
“I should get going so you can get some rest. I have an early flight to catch in the morning.”
I nod, wondering if the trip was planned before he got here, or if it’s just his way of running away.
He starts toward the door.
“Hey,” I say, pulling his attention back to me. “Why did you stop by tonight?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he says reaching for the door.
“I was just curious.”
There’s a pause. I practically hear him thinking from across the room. Then, in a moment I’ll never forget, he pulls a little black box from his pocket holding it in the air without looking back. “You’re my Blake.”
Disbelief and sadness render me speechless as I watch him walk out my door for what will probably be the last time.
Falling to the floor, I fold my arms over my legs, resting my forehead on my knees. If I didn’t get this one right, I’ll regret it every second for the rest of my life. Every. Last. Second.
Time passes as I let the tears fall. I relive the memories. I thought having Blake back would make it a little easier, but it doesn’t. I hurt someone I love, and what’s to come after doesn’t matter so much right now.
When I’m too tired to cry, I finally pull my phone from my purse.
Lila: Come home, please.
Ten seconds later, I have a reply.
Blake: Open the door.
I climb to my feet, practically running for the door. He’s standing on the other side of the threshold, staring down at me. The color drains from his face then he pulls me into his arms, letting me soak his t-shirt in tears. “I hate that I put you through that,” he murmurs against my hair.
“You didn’t make me do anything,” I cry.
“If I’d never left, you wouldn’t have been with him to begin with.”
There’s truth to that, but I made my own choices. “How did you get here so fast?”
He walks us slowly back into the apartment, shutting the door behind us. “I’ve been standing outside the door for twenty minutes waiting for you to tell me you’re ready.”
“Can you just hold me tonight?” I ask trying to see him the best I can with swollen eyes.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
I FELL ASLEEP LAST NIGHT knowing my old idea of perfect walked out the door, but that my new ideal was curled up next to me.
I woke up this morning only regretting that someone had to be hurt in the process. I don’t regret my choice or how quickly I made it. Blake is still worth risking everything for.
You fall, and you get back up, but it shouldn’t be enough to just walk. Floating is better. Seeing the world from another angle. And when you decide to walk again, you should control where you land.
He kisses my shoulder then brushes my hair away to place another on the back of my neck. He held me until I fell asleep, and every time I shifted during the night, he reined me back. Blake isn’t the safe choice, but he makes me feel protected. The rest doesn’t really matter.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asks, his lips blazing a path to the other shoulder.
“Once I fell asleep, I did. You?” It’s hard to talk when he’s touching me.
“I kept waking up to make sure you were still here … making sure my dream didn’t turn into a nightmare.”
I open my eyes, too scared to admit I fear the same thing. Since I was young, I swear that every spoken fear that slips from my lips comes true. Some things are better left unspoken.
“You can catch up on your sleep while I’m at work,” I mumble, closing my eyes and sinking further into him.
His lips still against my skin. “I don’t want you working with him anymore.”
“I need to work, Blake. Besides, we’re in the middle of the hotel project, and I can’t just walk away from that.”
“Work with me.”
I laugh, nervously. “I’m not a painter.”
“I’ll teach you.”
“It’s not good for us to spend all our time together. The nights will be better if you haven’t seen me all day.”
He sits up, looking over me. “My days will be agony knowing you’re with him.”
“He’s gone the rest of this week, and it’s not like my desk is in his office.”
“Have you ever thought about moving away from here? Starting somewhere new.” He grabs my hand in his, his gaze bouncing from my face to the bed then back to me.
I shift, sitting up next to him. “I’ve done that before. It doesn’t work.”
“Is Chicago where you always want to be?”
Leaning in, I press my lips to his. “I want to be where you are,” I whisper.
He smiles. I smile. Everything else just melts away.
“What if we compromise? I’ll finish up this project, and then I’ll look for something else. We’ll be working together anyway.”
“I trust you,” he says, lifting my hand to his lips.
“Thank you.”
We sit side by side, hand in hand until time leaves me no choice than to get out of bed. “I need to get ready for work.”
“Can’t you call in?” he asks, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
“No. I have to work on those penthouses Wade wants before I go back to New York.”
“But you’re all mine tonight, right?”
I nod, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “All yours.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“I do to,” I admit.
As I get dressed, I realize that Blake hasn’t actually said he loves me since that night he left so many months ago. Deep down, I know this isn’t a game to him, but those three words would mean so much. It would solidify my belief that I made the right decision … that they weren’t just spoken in a moment when he thought he’d never see me again.