His hands slowly inch up my back, holding me close to his chest. I could stay trapped in his love forever.
Desire sweeps through my body. I pull back just enough to gaze into his sapphire eyes. This man loves me. He may not want to say it, but he does.
Reaching between our bodies, I grab hold of him and sink down. His mouth falls open, his hands grip my hips as I come up a few inches then fill myself with him again.
“Jesus, Lemon Drop, did you come home early because you missed me?”
His fingers travel up my sides, his thumbs brushing against my breasts. Our breaths echo in the small, enclosed room.
I speed my pace, enjoying the friction. Enjoying the feeling that comes before I lose control.
“That’s it, let go, Lila. I’ll catch you … I’ll always catch you.”
Tears prick my eyes as I reach my peak, screaming his name over and over. He’s my harbor from the storm. My safeguard. My shelter. That’s what I still want him to be after I break the news.
I nestle against his chest, enjoying the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me. I cry silently, my tears falling into the water. I just got him back, and I don’t want anything to change us. We’re not perfect, but I still like us.
“Hey,” he says, putting space between us. “Are you crying?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you, Blake.”
He looks away. He can’t say he loves me, how is he going to accept a baby? First comes love they always say.
“You can’t say it. I get it.” Standing, I pull my robe from the hook and wrap it around my body. “I need to go lay down. My head is killing me.”
Anger fills my heart as I lie on my pillow and stare out the window. The sun from earlier has disappeared. Dark clouds cover the sky, rain falling steadily against the windowpane.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be happy. Why is that so hard? I see flashes of bliss, but just as quickly as they appears they’re gone again.
The side of my bed dips. If he only knew the power he holds over me. How I ride the ups and downs with him.
He wraps his arm around me. “I’m sorry. You mean so much to me. I just … I can’t.”
“Do you want children?” I ask. It just comes out.
His arm loosens. No response comes. That pretty much answers the whole question.
“I’m pregnant, Blake.”
He’s speechless, body suddenly rigid behind mine. This little voice echoes in my ear, telling me over and over I’m going to be in this alone. Blake’s a drifter—in and out of my life … my heart. Babies ground you. They give you a purpose outside of yourself—something beautifully unselfish.
Unable to stand the silence any longer, I turn to face him. He squeezes his eyes shut. My heart absolutely shatters.
“Who?” he asks, voice shaking.
“Who what?”
“Who’s the father, Lila? Is it me or is it him?”
I verge on tears. What’s going through his head right now is ten times worse than what’s going through mine.
I reach up to stroke his cheek but think better of it when he rolls onto his back, staring up at the stark white ceiling.
“It’s our baby. I was never with him without protection. Never.”
He hops up from the bed, staring down at me completely naked. “You’re hitting me with a lot right now, Lila. I honestly don’t know if I can do this. Babies deserve nurture and love; I’d be a shitty parent.”
“We’re in this together,” I answer back, attempting to hold him with my eyes. I’ve seen this Blake before; he’s ready to run. It’s easier for him to run.
“I need to think for a while,” he says staring at the open door.
“You said you wouldn’t leave,” I whisper as he starts walking away.
He does anyway. I hear him rummaging in his room then the door slams leaving my heart broken. I laid it all on the line, and now that it’s all said and done, I have nothing left but the baby that’s growing inside me.
BLAKE DIDN’T COME HOME last night. After what happened in the past, it’s something I should have come to expect.
Things got hard.
He ran.
This is all of my worst nightmares coming true at once. Alone. Pregnant. Lost. Unloved.
Life more than sucks sometimes.
A knock sounds at my door causing me to jump up from the kitchen table. I grab my purse and luggage, heading to the door in my carefully chosen silver flats. I’m exhausted. My breasts feel like they’re going to either explode or start on fire. Sore feet don’t need to be added to the mix.
I open the door, and Pierce immediately reaches for my luggage. “I can get that for you.”
“Thanks,” I say, trying my best not to cry over his simple, kind gesture. My hormones are already making me crazy.
After locking the door, I follow him down the steps, through the door, and into the waiting car. It’s just enough time to pull myself together. A Starbucks cup waits, and for just a moment, I smile. My whole world hasn’t completely gone to crap yet.
“Where’s Blake this morning?” he asks as the car speeds down the city streets.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. I never even got a chance to tell him I was leaving today instead of tomorrow.
“That didn’t take long.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, spinning the coffee cup over and over in my cup holder.
“For him to walk out again.”
“He just had some things to do. He’ll be back.”
Pierce laughs sadistically. “Everything is a competition to him, Lila. He only wanted you because I had you. You can sell his sincerity to yourself a hundred different ways but none are worth buying.”
“You don’t know us, Pierce.”
“No, but I know him, and I know you. I was rather good at addition back in school. This is simple math.”
I slouch down in my seat, unwilling to listen to anything else he has to say. Pierce shouldn’t enter judgment when there’s so much he doesn’t know.
The silence continues as we board the plane and wait for the pilot to get the all-clear. Pierce overstepped his bounds, but I can’t decide if I’m upset about that or the fact that he’s right about some of it.
I couldn’t imagine leaving someone after they just told me they were carrying my child.
I also can’t imagine losing someone I loved for years the way he did.
Maybe Blake and I are like a complex math problem, but there are factors Pierce doesn’t know. Factors I don’t know.
Pierce holds a glass of champagne out to me. “This will make it better.”
But it won’t because I can’t drink it. “No thanks. I’m not feeling very well this morning.”
“I know it’s him,’ he says. “I’d say I told you so, but I know my voice doesn’t speak louder than your heart.”
“Can you just leave it?”
“I’m sorry. We should probably be preparing for the meeting and not this.”
The plane takes off. We sit quietly, staring out our windows. I try to think about work, but it’s a blip compared to everything else going on in my life. Not having alcohol for the next nine months might kill me.
“Why aren’t you married?” I ask out of the blue. I’ve wondered that for a while—why a woman wouldn’t have snatched up Pierce Stanley by now.
“I’ve had a few serious relationships, but none of them have lasted long enough to get to that point.”
“Why not?”
“You tell me, Lila.”
I lift a brow, sipping from a bottle of cold water. “How would I know?”
“You’re one of the few.”
If that doesn’t make your heart sink, I don’t know what will. I’ve been with him twice. I’ve left him twice. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but I’ve never met a man more deserving of a true love.
“It wasn’t you,” I finally answer. “I think love has a lot to do with the order in which people walk into it. We all have many people we could love—who we could fall in love with—but it all comes down to who we find first. I’m guessing some of the women you met just weren’t the right match or weren’t deserving of the type of love you give. Blake wove himself into my heart first. Once that happens, it’s hard to get untangled. Not impossible, but difficult.”