“It’s true. He has.”
As Blay spoke up from behind, it was a surprise. And kind of nice.
I went to see Xhex, okay. Right now, she’s my priority.
Qhuinn threw up his hands. “Great. So when V is stabbing my pink slip into my chest, you can still feel good about yourself. Thanks.”
“John, you can’t light-head stuff like this.” Blay went around and grabbed a glass, like he was afraid their buddy was going to suck the bottle down whole. “Give me that.”
He took the booze, poured a healthy dose, and…
Drank it himself.
“What,” he muttered as he got stared at. “Here, take it back if you want.”
John took a swig and then stared into space. After a moment, he shoved the Jack in Qhuinn’s direction.
Rolling his eyes, Qhuinn muttered, “At least this is the kind of apology I’ll accept.”
As he took the bottle, it dawned on him that it had been ages since the three of them had been together. Back before their transitions, they’d spent every night after training in Blay’s old room at the guy’s parents’ house, pissing away the hours playing video games and drinking beer and talking about the future.
And now that they were finally where they’d wanted to be? Everyone was going in a different direction.
Then again, John was right. The guy was properly mated now, so of course his focus was somewhere else. And Blay was having a rockin’ good time with Saxton the Slut.
Qhuinn was the only one pining for the GODs.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered to John. “Let’s just forget it—”
“No,” Blay cut in. “This is not okay. You cut the shit, John—you let him come with you. I don’t care if you’re going to be with Xhex or not. You owe this to him.”
Qhuinn stopped breathing, focusing everything he had on the male who had been his best friend and his never-been lover… and the ever-after that was never going to happen.
Even after all the things that had gone on between them, and all the fuckups on his end, which were legendary, Blay still had his back.
“I love you,” Qhuinn blurted into the silence.
John lifted up his hands and signed, I love you, too. And I’m really fucking sorry. This thing with Xhex and I has…
Blah, blah, blah. Or, Blah, blah, blah, as the case was with the ASL.
Qhuinn wasn’t hearing a thing. As John went on and on, explaining his sitch, Qhuinn was tempted to interrupt and cop to not just what he’d said, but who he’d said it to. Except all he could think of was Blay coming in with Sax, and that f-in’ blush.
It took everything he had in him to look at John and squeeze out, “We can work it out, all right? Just let me follow you—I won’t look, I promise.”
John was signing something. Qhuinn was nodding. Then Blay started pulling away, taking a step back and then another and then a third.
More conversation. Blay talking.
And then the male turned and strode out. To get food. To go up to Saxton.
A low whistle made him shake himself and focus on John.
“Yeah. Sure.”
John frowned. You want to have a parking ticket stapled to your forehead?
“What?”
Sorry, I had a feeling you weren’t tracking. Guess I was right.
Qhuinn shrugged. “Look at it this way, I don’t feel like coldcocking you anymore.”
Oh, good. Bonus. But Blay is right. I won’t do this again.
“Thanks, man.”
Drink?
“Yeah. Good idea. Great one.” He headed around the bar. “Matter of fact, I’ll get my own bottle.”
NINETEEN
“She’s dead.”
At the sound of the male voice, Lassiter looked over his shoulder. Across his bedroom, Tohr was standing in the doorway, holding himself up by the jambs.
Lassiter put down the fleece he’d been packing. The suitcase routine wasn’t because he could take any of his shit with him, but rather, because it seemed only fair to get his stuff in order for the summoning that was coming: After he got sucked back into the In Between, the staff was going to have to ditch the clothes he’d worn and the few things he’d collected.
The Brother entered and shut them in together.
“She’s dead.” He limped over and sat on the chaise lounge. “There, I said it.”
Lassiter lowered his ass down on the bed and stared at the guy. “And you think that’s enough.”
“What the fuck do you want from me?”
He had to laugh. “Please. If I were running this show, you’d have had her back down here months ago and I’d be long fucking gone.”
Tohr laughed a little in surprise.
“Aw, come on, my man,” Lassiter muttered. “I don’t want to screw you. You’re too flat chested, for one thing—I’m a boob man. And for another, you’re a good guy. You deserve better than this.”
Now Tohr looked downright shocked.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Lassiter got up and went back to the open drawers of the dresser. Pulling out a pair of leathers, he messed them up, and then folded them again.
Futzing around with his hands was supposed to help his brain focus. Didn’t work all that well, though. Maybe he should just slam his head into the wall.
“Going somewhere?” the Brother asked after a while.
“Yeah.”
“Giving up on me?”
“I told you. I don’t make the rules here. I’m going to get pulled out, and it’s going to be sooner rather than later.”
“Pulled out to where?”
“Where I was.” He shuddered, even though it was a pussy move. But an eternity of isolation was hell for a guy like him. “It’s not a trip I’m looking forward to making.”
“Would you be going where… Wellsie is?”
“I told you, everyone’s In Between is different.”
Tohr put his head in his hands. “I can’t just turn myself off. She was my life. How the hell do I—”
“You can start by not trying to castrate yourself with a fist when you get a hard-on for another female.”
When the Brother didn’t say anything, Lassiter had a feeling the guy had teared up. And yeah, wow, didn’t that make things awkward. God. Damn.
Lassiter shook his head. “I’m the wrong angel for this job, for real.”
“I never cheated on her.” Tohr inhaled sharply through his nose, the sniff entirely manly, as sniffles went. “Other males… even bonded ones, I mean, they look at females from time to time. Maybe they screw around a little on the side. Not me. She wasn’t perfect, but she was more than enough to keep me satisfied. Hell, when Wrath needed someone to keep an eye on Beth back before they were mated? He sent me. He knew I wouldn’t come on to her, not just out of respect for him, but because I wasn’t going to be interested in the slightest. I have literally never had an instant when I thought of anyone else.”
“You did tonight.”
“Don’t remind me.”
Well, at least he copped to it. “Which is why I’m about to take my one-way trip to Never-coming-back Land. And your shellan is staying where she is.”
Tohr rubbed the center of his chest like it hurt. “Are you sure I didn’t die and go to this In Between already? Because this sure as shit feels like what you’ve described. Suffering but not Dhund.”
“I don’t know. Maybe some people aren’t aware they’re in it—but my directive was clear as a bell, and it was all about you letting go so she could move on.”
Tohr dropped his hands like he was so done with the world. “I never thought there was going to be something worse than her dying. I couldn’t fathom any course of events that would hurt more.” He cursed. “I should have known that fate is sadistic as well as endlessly inventive. Imagine—my fucking some female gets the one I love into the Fade. Fabulous equation. Just frickin’ fantastic.”
That wasn’t the half of it, Lassiter thought. But why bring it up now.