Although, considering where Wellsie was, the idea that he had been looking for a way to stop the connection with No’One was craziness. He should be rejoicing at the idea he was thinking of another female.
Instead, it still felt like a curse.
THIRTY-NINE
Back at the Brotherhood mansion, No’One sat upon the bed she shared with Tohrment, her robe lying on the duvet next to her, her shift covering her flesh.
Silent. So silent this room was without him.
Wherever was he?
When she had returned herein following her work down in the training center, she had expected to find him waiting upon her, warm and mayhap asleep upon the duvet. Instead, the covers were all arranged, the pillows ordered at the headboard, the extra comforter, the one he used to warm himself, still folded neatly at the foot of the mattress.
He had not been in the weight room, the pool, or the gym. Nor had he been in the kitchen when she had stopped briefly to gather a refreshment for herself. Or the billiards room or library.
And he had not appeared for First Meal, either.
The knob turned and she jumped—only to release a deep, easing exhale. Her blood in the warrior’s body announced his arrival even before his scent came upon her nose or his body filled the jambs.
He still didn’t have a shirt on. Or boots upon his feet.
And his stare was dark and desolate as the corridors of Dhund.
“Where have you been,” she whispered.
He ducked both her eyes and the question by going into the bathroom. “I’m late. Wrath’s called a meeting.”
As the shower came on, she gathered her robe and drew it over her shoulders, knowing that he was uncomfortable with her in any manner of undress out of bed. But that wasn’t the cause of his mood; he’d been as such afore he’d even looked her way.
His beloved, she thought. It had to have something to do with his beloved.
And she should probably leave him be.
But she did not.
When he came out, he had a towel wrapped around his hips, and he went directly to the closet without sparing her a glance. Propping a palm on the doorjamb, he opened up and leaned in, the name upon his shoulders spotlit under the ceiling fixture above him.
Except he didn’t take any clothing out. He hung his head and fell still.
“I went home today,” he said abruptly.
“Today? As in… during the daylight hours?”
“Fritz took me.”
Her heart beat hard at the thought of him exposed to sunshine— Wait, hadn’t they lived together here?
“We had our own place,” he said. “We didn’t stay here with everyone else.”
So this was not his mated room. Or his mated bed.
When he didn’t say anything further, she prompted, “What did you… find there?”
“Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.”
“It had been emptied of your things?”
“No, I left it all exactly as it was the night she died. Down to the dishes that are clean in the dishwasher, the mail on the counter, the mascara she left out right before she took off for the last time.”
Oh, the agony for him, she thought.
“I went there looking for her, and all I got was an exhibition of the past.”
“But you are never far from her—your Wellesandra is ever with you. She breathes in your heart.”
Tohrment pivoted around, his eyes hooded, intense. “Not like she used to.”
Abruptly, she straightened under his gaze. Fiddled with the edge of her robe. Crossed her legs. Uncrossed them. “Why are you looking at me like that.”
“I want to fuck you. That’s why I went back home.”
As No’One’s face registered high-octane shock, Tohr didn’t bother to temper the truth with pretty words or apologies or any kind of fanfare. He was just too done with everything: fighting his body, arguing with destiny, wrestling with an inevitability that he had been refusing to yield to for too long.
Standing in front of her, he was naked in a way that had nothing to do with a lack of clothes. Naked and tired… and hungry for her—
“Then you may have me,” she said in a soft voice.
As her words sank in, he felt himself pale. “Do you understand what I said?”
“You were blunt enough.”
“You’re supposed to tell me to go to hell.”
There was a short pause. “Well, we do not have to proceed.”
No rancor. No begging. No disappointment—it was all about him and where he was at.
How could she be so… kind? he wondered.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, feeling like he wanted to return the favor.
“You won’t. I know you are still in love with your mate, and I do not blame you. What you had with her is a once-in-a-lifetime love.”
“What about you?”
“I have no need or desire to take her place. And I accept you just as you are, in any fashion you choose to come to me. Or not, if that is the way it must be.”
Tohr cursed as a part of his pain unexpectedly eased. “That isn’t fair to you.”
“Yes, it is. I am happy to simply have time with you. That is enough—and more than I could ever have expected out of my fate. These past few months have been a complicated joy that I wouldn’t have traded anything for. If it must end, then at least I’ve had what I did. And if it goes further then I am luckier than I deserve. And… if it puts you in some small way at peace then I have served my only purpose.”
As she fell silent, that quiet dignity of hers slayed him, it truly did. And it was with a sense of utter unreality that he walked over to her, bent down and took her face into his palms.
Rubbing her cheek with his thumb, he stared into her eyes. “You are…” His voice broke. “You are such a female of worth.”
No’One put her hands up to his thick wrists, her touch soft and light. “Listen to my words and believe them. Do not worry about me. Take care of your heart and your soul first—that is what matters most.”
Kneeling in front of her, he worked his way in between her legs, filling the space he created with his body. As always with her, he felt both awkward and at ease being so close.
With his eyes, he traced her face, that beautiful, kind face. And then he zeroed in on her lips.
Moving slowly, he leaned in, not really sure what the hell he was doing. He had never kissed her. Not once. For all he knew about her body, he knew nothing of her mouth, and as her eyes flared, it was obvious she had never expected the intimacy.
Tilting his head to the side, he shut his lids… and closed the distance until he met a whole lot of velvet.
Softly, chastely, he pressed in and pulled back.
Not enough.
Dipping down again, he lingered at her mouth, brushing, plying. Then he abruptly broke off the contact and shoved himself to his feet. If he didn’t stop now, he wouldn’t at all, and he was already running late for Wrath and his brothers. Besides, this wasn’t about a quick sex session.
It was more important than that.
“I have to get dressed,” he told her. “I have to go.”
“And I shall be here when you return. If you want me to be.”
“I do.”
Turning away, he wasted no time in throwing his clothes on or gathering his weapons, and as soon as he nabbed his leather jacket, he had every intention of going right out the door. Instead, he stopped and looked at her. She had her fingertips up to her lips, her eyes wide and full of wonder… as if she had never felt anything even close to what she just had.
He went back to the bed. “Was that your first kiss?”
She blushed in the most lovely pink, her eyes dropping shyly to the carpet. “Yes.”
For a moment, all he could do was shake his head at everything she had been through.
Then he leaned down. “You gonna let me give you another?”