“We’ll be there,” I said nervously.
“You can bring a dessert if you’d like, but we really don’t need anything. His Uncle Stephen will be there as well. He’s looking forward to meeting you, too. If Jayden is with you, can I speak with him briefly?”
FUCK. SHIT. PISS. HELL. DAMN.
“Actually, I’m at home. He isn’t feeling well. Under the blanket, he said.”
“He said under the blanket?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her voice was alarmed when she said, “Have you seen him today?”
“This morning. He was sleeping.” Now who’s lying to the parents?
“Okay, thanks for letting me know,” she said, her voice now uneven.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, becoming more nervous.
“No, sweetheart, it’s fine. I’m...just...He’s my only brat.”
I laughed at that. “Honestly, I think he’s hungover, but please don’t tell him I told you if you get in touch with him.”
“Of course I won’t. I’m going to run, but I look forward to meeting you Saturday.”
“Me, too. Goodbye.”
Great, within a two minute phone call I had confessed my love regarding her son, lied to her, and then ratted him out.
Way to go, Hil!
Something in the way she hesitated didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to go to him, but decided to text instead.
Me: Let me know you’re alive or I’m coming over to have a long and torturous conversation about our relationship. You’ve got two minutes to answer me.
A minute later, I got a reply.
Jayden: I love you too.
Tears burst from my eyes as I sighed in relief.
Me: I miss you.
Jayden: I’ll call you.
Me: Let me be there for you. I can handle it.
He didn’t reply. I resigned myself to give him the space he asked for. I knew it was so he could avoid showing me the ugly side of him.
In bed, I wrapped myself in my blanket, dipping pretzels in peanut butter and watching The Brady Bunch until sleep claimed me.
Two days later, I still had not received a phone call. I’d stopped texting him the day before. The understanding girlfriend was now bitterly pissed. He’d replied to two of my texts, but still insisted he’d call me later. Deciding that when he did come around we were going to have a serious talk, I left him alone. My worry for my relationship was still brewing in the background as my pride and self-respect took the forefront. I wasn’t going to beg to see him. It was beneath me. But the fact that he didn’t want me around hurt the most.
I busied myself with work and spent my nights cooking, something I’d missed with all my time with Jayden. I would make it a point to let him know I wanted to do it more often. I walked into my apartment, determined to make the best mushroom risotto in the history of the world, followed by a homemade tiramisu and chocolate wine. I heard music coming out of the bathroom and greeted Gerri.
“Hey, woman! I bought a ton of good food to make tonight. My asshole boyfriend still hasn’t called so it looks like I’ll be using my vibrator for the first time in almost four mon—” My sentence was cut short when I reached the kitchen. Still holding my grocery bags I slid halfway across the floor before I landed flat on my back. I blinked and then realized I was staring at the ceiling when the pain shot up through my hips and burst in a shockwave right above my ass. The burning from the wind being knocked out of me reminded me I was alive as I began to bitch at the pain. “Ow! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!” In one moment I saw ceiling and the next I saw Jay’s face pop into view.
“Oh my God, baby, are you okay? Fuck, I was trying to catch you before you walked in here!”
Mentally assessing the damage to my screaming body, and completely confused, I realized there was liquid pooling between my legs. “Am I bleeding?”
“No, it’s your wine.” He picked up the leaking bottle, setting it aside, as well as one of the grocery bags I was still hugging to me as he hovered over me. I tried to get up, but he stopped me.
“Stay still. Did you hit your head?” I took in his violet-blue eyes looking down at me, his perfect full lips, the sweet divot in his chin, and had to remind myself I was mad at him.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, let’s do this slowly.” He reached behind me, pulling my upper body to rest in his lap. I winced in pain and he mimicked my wince. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I wanted to surprise you.”
“So you decided to break my ass!”
“I just got done mopping in here. I was in the bathroom when I heard you come in.”
“Great, then you know you’re an asshole!” I was angry about my wipeout, but more furious that all I wanted to do after days of him shutting me out was throw my arms around him and beg him never to do it again. I knew I was head over heels, but needy was not my style.
“I know,” he said, rubbing my face gently with his hand that reeked of Pine-Sol. Or maybe I did, or maybe my ass did. I felt the cold seeping through my back and shivered.
“Help me up, I’m good.” He helped me to my feet and we both slipped momentarily. He picked me up and put me on the carpet before he started to clean up my mess of groceries while I stared after him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Gerri let me in,” he said, avoiding my bitch face and my question.
“Fine, let yourself out.” I walked into my room and shut the door, tearing off my clothes and throwing them in a heap on the floor before freezing when I noticed all the candles lit around my room. His iPod was on my dock as The Beatles serenaded me with If I Fell. I instantly felt guilty, but had to remind myself that I was pissed and I had a right to be. I walked into my bathroom and gasped. It was lit with even more candles and on the side of the tub sat two tins, one filled with white rose petals, the other with a lavender bath perfume. He was going to make me a bath. I started the water and did his bidding, filling my nose with what turned out to be vanilla and lavender tonic—a smell I’d mentioned I was addicted to during one of our first conversations. Sitting on the toilet seat was a new, long, white silk negligee and a fluffy robe.
“I figured I’d be practical with the robe. You’d want it comfy.” I turned to look at him and saw he was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, attempting to read my mood, which had continually shifted in the last ten minutes.
“I feel like I’m going crazy,” I said with tears in my eyes. “I can’t decide whether to love you or hate you from one minute to the next.”
“I told you loving me wasn’t easy, Hil,” he said hoarsely, his eyes begging for forgiveness.
“It’s so easy to love you, Jayden. Too easy. It’s only hard when you won’t let me.” In two strides he was in front of me, cupping my face.
“You are it for me. You need to know that. I won’t be the perfect man, ever. I won’t even come close, but for you I’ll fight hard to be. I have all this shit going on in my head twenty-four/seven. It never ends. It’s incessant and can turn me into a ticking time bomb, and I won’t let you be a casualty.”
“I don’t need anything more than what you’ve given me already, Jayden. You don’t have to be anything but yourself. I’ve never felt like this, ever. It’s so strong what I feel for you. You can’t shut me out like that. It hurt so much.” He wiped twin tears away from my cheeks. “Please don’t shut me out again.”