"That is what I said, for the first time on that day. I was trying-"
"I don't want to get tripped up," I said.
"Okay."
"Now," I started again, "the first time that I saw him, and I knew for sure that it was him-the man who had raped me-was when he was crossing the street and said, 'Hey, girl, don't I know you from somewhere,' and the first time I saw the same body was on the other side of the street, when he was talking to the man in the alley between Way Inn and Gino's and Joe's." I was being as exact as possible. I had first spotted his body from the back-not becoming certain it was him until a few minutes later when he spoke to me and I saw his face."
"He was talking to someone in the alley there?"
"That is how far from where you were?"
"From where I was when?"
"Where you were standing when you saw him."
"I was walking, and when I saw him and it-it is just the street, he was on the sidewalk, and so it was just the street."
"You didn't say anything to him?"
"No. I said nothing."
"He didn't say anything to you?"
"He said, 'Hey, girl, don't I know you from somewhere?' "
Paquette was suddenly excited. "Did he say that? Are you saying that he said that then or after he came back down the street?"
"He wasn't in the alley," I said. I wanted to make certain of what I said now. I couldn't imagine the cause for Paquette's excitement. Wouldn't know for fifteen years that the defense had claimed Madison had been talking to Officer Clapper when he said, "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" I backtracked. There was something Paquette was after and I didn't know what. "He was talking to a man in the alley. He said that to me when I was on the other side of the street, the Huntington Hall side, and walking up and away from the Varsity. He said that as he was crossing the street and coming toward me."
"That would be the second time of that day that you saw him?"
"Yes. That was the first time that I knew for sure that that was the man who raped me."
"A lot of things happened," Paquette said. The tone he used was breezy, as if it had been a big and overwhelming day at the fair for me. As if I couldn't get my story straight because there was no straight story. "Did you contact the police and make a statement to the police on October fifth?"
"Yes, I did."
"That was the sworn statement that you signed?"
"Yes."
"You did ask the lieutenant to indicate that was full and accurate and complete?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did you tell the police on October fifth, 1981 that the man you saw on Marshall Street was the man who raped you, or did you say that you had a feeling that he might be the man?"
"I said that that was the man who raped me on May eighth."
"You are sure of that?"
He was setting something up. Even I could see that. The only thing I could do was stick to my story as he pinned me down.
"Yes, I am."
"So if the statement says something else, then the statement is wrong?"
I was in a minefield now; I kept walking.
"Yes, it is."
"But you signed the statement, didn't you?"
He was taking his time. I looked right at him.
"Yes, I did."
"Did you have a chance to read it over?"
"Yes, I did."
"Did they review it with you before you signed it?"
This was excruciating.
"They didn't review it. They gave it to me to read."
"Who are they?" he asked belligerently. He checked a note he'd made. He was grandstanding now. "You've had fourteen years of school," he said, "and you read it, and that was no problem, and you understood it all?"
"Yes, I did."
"Your testimony today is that you were sure that that is true. Even if the statement on October the fifth doesn't say that-"
Mastine objected. "Perhaps we could have a question and answer?"
"Sustained," said Gorman.
"Do you recall," Paquette began again, "saying in the statement to the police, 'I had a feeling that the black male-' "
Mastine stood. "I will object to the counsel reading from the statement or using the statement to impeach credibility; reading from the statement is improper, and in fact I object to it on that basis-"
"He could read from the statement," Gorman said to Mastine. "I believe, Mr. Paquette, you should form the question something like this, 'Do you recall giving the statement to the police, on such and such a date?' and read the statement. If you would, please."
"Sure," Paquette said. Some of his steam had been lost.
"Do you recall giving the statement to the police on October fifth?"
"Yes."
"Do you recall telling the police that 'I had a feeling that the black male might be the person that raped me last May in Thorden Park'?"
I had caught on to the game now. "I would like to see a copy of it just to be sure," I said.
"Sure, be happy to. I would ask that this be marked as defendant's C for identification, the statement made by Alice Sebold on October fifth.
"I ask you to review the statement and ask you if that refreshes your recollection as to the information you gave at the time?"
I scanned the contents of my affidavit. Immediately I saw the problem.
"Okay," I said.
"Did you advise the police in that statement that you were sure-"
I interrupted him. Suddenly I knew that the last few minutes were ones I could wrestle back from him.
"The reason why I said that I had a feeling at that point was because I had only seen his back and his mannerisms at that point. I was sure when I saw his face on the second time, when I was on the other side of the street. I had a feeling, because of his build and mannerisms on the first time, when I saw him from the back, but since I had then not seen his face at that time, I was not sure. When I saw his face I was sure that that was the man who raped me on May eighth."
"This statement was made after you had seen him both times on Marshall Street, wasn't it?"
"Yes, it was. They asked me to describe it and in chronological order, which I did."
"Does that statement in any way reflect a change in your stance from 'might be' to 'is'?"
"No, it does not."
"Thank you." He acted as if he had won something. He wanted out of that line of questioning and he took what he could get. He opted to muddy the water. Wasn't it clear from all this feeling to sure, might be to is that I was too confused to be believed?
"By the way," he said, reapproaching again, "on the day of the lineup in November, were there people from the Rape Crisis Center present in the building?"
"Yes, there were."
"Had you had counsel with them just prior to the lineup?"
"Counsel?"
"Did you talk to them and were they available?"
"Yes. She accompanied me to the Public Safety Building."
"As soon as you left the lineup, were they still available to you?"
"Yes, she was."
"She was?"
"Yes."
"You talked to her before and you talked to her after; is that right?"
"Yes."
"Are they here today? Is there anyone from the Rape Crisis Center here today?"
"No, they are not."
"They are neither in the courtroom or in the building?"
"No."
Paquette hadn't liked the point Mastine had made earlier, that Paquette, by not allowing Tricia in the room, could himself have had a hand in undermining the lineup as evidence.
"Now, there was a lineup procedure held, wasn't there?"
"Yes, there was."
"I believe that that was on November fourth?"
"Yes, it was."
"Do you remember an Investigator Lorenz being there?"
"Yes, I do."
"Had you recognized him from seeing him before?"
"Yes, I had."
"Where had you recognized him from?"
"He is the man who took my affidavit on May eighth."
"Did he ever tell you that he didn't believe the statement that you made on May eighth?"