“Fun’s over. Come out of there now.” One guard motioned them forward.
Iris ushered the other two with her. “Even if they threaten to arrest us, don’t argue. Just go with them.”
Allie craned her neck. “Where’s Justin?”
She rolled her eyes heavenward. What, like that tea-drinking detective was going to rush to their rescue? No one had ever done that for Iris. “Who knows? He booked out of here ten minutes ago.” Right after Mickey. “We’ll be fine.”
Sergei stepped over the railing first, only to be manhandled by two of the guards. He looked to Iris and spoke in Russian. “What if they threaten violence?”
With a grimace, she replied in his native tongue. “It means nothing. Go with them.”
The two guards holding Sergei yanked his arms behind him.
Iris voiced her outrage, in English this time. “Hey, easy there! He didn’t do anything but step on a couple plants.”
Another guard grasped her arm and practically lifted her over the railing. The fourth guard reached for Allie, but confronted by Edgar’s flattened ears and bared teeth, he wisely backed off and allowed her to step over on her own.
The tall, beefy guard holding Iris leaned into her face. “What did you say to each other?”
She leaned in to read his silver name tag. Butcher. That didn’t bode well. She swallowed the initial urge to belt him. “He was worried that you meant him harm, and I told him it would be all right and to go with you.”
“Do you think we should call Homeland Security?” one guard asked the others.
Like this weekend’s experiences wouldn’t be complete until she was labeled a terrorist. She jerked her arm free. “Come off it. We were looking for the rabbit.”
All four guards paused to consider Edgar.
The gardener plowed forward, heedless of the flowers he trampled. Ivy stuck out from the band of his pith helmet as he pointed a trembling gloved hand. “Hold that rabbit for animal control. He could have rabies.”
Iris turned on the ruddy-faced little troublemaker. “It’s not like he bit you.”
“Look at all this damage!” He huffed until he could find more words. “That rabbit destroyed all this work. It took months to shape that topiary. Just look at him-he’s a menace.”
The four guards scowled at Edgar.
From the safety of Allie’s arms, the rabbit raised his ears and wiggled his little whiskered pink nose. Iris would have sworn he was laughing. Even her lips twitched.
Cosmo would have loved this. The thought broadsided her, making it hard to breathe. After all, this was exactly the kind of absurd anarchy he was always perpetrating. The kind she always avoided.
Maybe she’d been missing out on a lot of fun all these years.
The beefy guard addressed her again. “Whose rabbit is it?”
“He’s mine.”
Iris whipped her head to glare at Allie. “No, he’s mine.”
“She’s holding the rabbit,” one guard pointed out.
“Yeah, but this one seems to be in charge,” another replied. He made it sound like it was a flaw for a woman to take command.
Iris resented the hell out of that. She’d always guided her own destiny, ever since she was a teenager. Who else was she supposed to count on?
She drew breath to rip into him, but a boisterous male voice interrupted the scene.
“Ah, here they are! I told you we would find them.”
Like the Red Sea before Moses, the crowd opened a path for Marko Gorseyev to roll his aunt’s wheelchair through.
Iris froze. “What are they doing here?”
Sergei leaned toward her ear. “I texted them. How you say, the cavalry?”
“But I don’t want to see the plants!” Tatiana’s strident voice carried through the conservatory like a bullhorn. Seated in her chair, she gripped her cane across her lap like a quarterstaff, and it vibrated with her frustration. “Who are all these people? I want to go back to the spa!”
Getting a clearer view, Iris’s jaw dropped when she saw that her aunt wore a bright orange swimsuit over her very pale and flabby body. Her hair was covered by an oversized clear plastic shower cap.
One of the guards tried to redirect them. “You’ll need to go around.”
The old lady stared at him so hard, Iris swore she could smell flesh sizzle. Finally her aunt spoke. “Do you know who you are addressing, young man?” Those last two words stole half his power.
“Aunt Tatiana,” Sergei called out with a wave.
She focused on him with a frown. “Where have you been all morning? I never got my back rub.”
The crowd started to thin, but those who were left chuckled at this free entertainment. Even Allie stared at Marko and Tatiana, dumbfounded.
Sergei flushed with good-natured embarrassment. “I’m sorry, aunt, but I had to help Iris look for the rabbit.”
Tatiana’s eyes narrowed as she surveyed the scene, and Iris tried to imagine what the old girl must be thinking. Security guards held Sergei as if he were public enemy number one. Lovely Allie had lifted Edgar’s front paw to wave at the crowd, many of whom snapped more photos for posterity.
Iris had no doubt Aunt Tatiana would lay the blame for this fiasco right at her feet. Realizing she was still barefoot, she jerked free from her captor and slipped into her heels.
“Rabbit? What rabbit?” Tatiana asked tersely.
Iris held her breath. Surely her aunt could see it.
Edgar’s ears swiveled.
“You remember the rabbit, aunt,” Sergei said calmly. He tilted his head toward Allie. “His name is Edgar.”
“Edgar?” Tatiana snorted. “Ridiculous name for a rabbit. From now on we shall call him Boris.”
“Boris?” Iris couldn’t keep the incredulity from her voice. That was all the old girl had to say? Were her Russian relatives all nuts?
Allie, who had moved beside her, elbowed her in the ribs. “Let it ride,” she said softly.
Iris sighed. She’d always suspected Cosmo was teaching the younger woman to be a con artist. This just proved her theory.
Marko laughed jovially for the security guards. “There must be some misunderstanding. This is my nephew and my niece…s.” He neatly added the s to include Allie.
The tall security guard eyed him with evident distrust. “And who are you?”
“Marko Gorseyev.”
The suits stood around, unsure what to do with this information.
More of the crowd dispersed, but Iris could still make out Jock and Pebbles waiting on the fringe.
“Someone needs to take responsibility for the damage here.” The security guard named Butcher stepped forward to address Marko in a more conversational tone. “As head of the family, I assume that would be you.”
Tatiana whacked him in the leg with her cane. “Do not be impertinent young man. I am head of this family. You may address your questions to me.”
Instead of bristling, Butcher had the grace to apologize.
Marko attempted to placate. “We arrived only yesterday from Russia. My aunt, she is still overtired from the trip.”
“Quit telling everyone how you think I should feel. I’m not tired. You interrupted my sauna and dragged me here.”
“I should get her to lunch.” As an aside, Marko added for the guards’ benefit, “Blood sugar, you know.”
This made the guards twitchy, as if they feared the old lady would suffer a diabetic attack any moment.
Iris watched her aunt with new concern and would have sworn the old lady winked at her. Before she could be sure, Tatiana was pounding the arm of her wheelchair with her fist.
“When can I go back to the sauna?”
Butcher pinched his nose, clearly at the end of his diplomacy rope.
That damn gardener wasn’t through yet. “We need to know who the rabbit belongs to-”
“The rabbit belongs to me,” Tatiana said emphatically. “The girls were watching him while I went to the spa.” She speared Iris and Allie with her hawk-like stare. “Bad girls.” She made it sound like they were toddlers.
“And may I get your name, ma’am?” Butcher asked.