'ma'am,' am I right?"
"Yes sir," said Byron.
"Affirmative action," said Byron, even though it wasn't true. It was what he always said to other professors when they asked him questions like that. It wasn't even a joke anymore, just a habit, because it was so fun to watch the white professors look at him without a clue how they were supposed to answer when a black man said something like that. He could see their brains turning the alternatives over and over: Is he joking? Or does he mean it? Is he a Republican? Or does he think I'm a Republican? Is he making fun of me? Or himself? Or liberals? Or affirmative action? What can I say that won't make me look like either a racist or a politically correct brown-noser?
But Bag Man just grinned and shook his head. "Here I tell you about your mama's mama and how she love you, and all you answer me with is a joke. But that's okay all the same. I don't take back no blessing once I give it."
"Thank you for your blessing, sir," said Byron. "And for my grandma's blessing, too."
"Well, ain't you the polite one. Now you just go on home and have dinner with that sweet pregnant wife of yours. I'll be all right here."
So Nadine was pregnant—and hadn't even told him! Wasn't that just like her, to keep a secret like that.
Byron watched Bag Man walk right up to the chain-link fence and open the gate and go on through into the meadow. Then he knew he shouldn't watch anymore. So he closed the passenger door and walked back to the driver's side and got in.
Not two minutes later he was pulling through the electric gate into his driveway and waiting for the garage door to open. Nadine's car was there, and it made Byron happy just to see it.
And then, suddenly, it wore off all at once, and the anger that had seemed so far away just moments ago now erupted. He beat on the steering wheel with his open palms until his hands hurt.
"What did you do to me? What did you do to me?" He said it over and over again as he thought of that man just getting in his car as if he had a right, and the way he made Byron do things and say things. Making him buy See's chocolates for him! Saying Nadine was pregnant and he believed it!
Was Bag Man a hypnotist? In the moment when Byron looked away from that motorcycle mama, was that when Bag Man caught his eye and hypnotized him without him even knowing it?
If I see him again I'll run him over even if they put me in jail for it. Nobody ought to have power like that over another living soul.
Word, his ten-year-old son—named for Wordsworth—came through the door from the house and rushed to Byron's car window. The boy didn't look excited, he looked worried.
Byron turned off the engine and opened the door.
"All right, I'm on it." Byron headed toward the house. Then he stopped and looked back at Word. "Son, would you get dinner out of the back seat?"
"Sure," said Word. "I'm on it." And without a word of argument, the boy headed right back to get the sacks from I Cugini. That's when Byron realized that whatever was going on with Nadine, Word thought it was serious.
She was in the bedroom and when he knocked on the door, she said, "Go away."
"It's me," said Byron.
"Come in," she said.
He came through the door.
She was lying on her back on the bed, naked, breathing rapidly. Or was she crying? Both. Short sobs.
She wasn't just pregnant. She was as big as she had ever been with any of the children.
"By, what's happening to me?" she said. She sounded frantic, but kept her voice low. "I just started bloating up. An hour ago. I got home from work and I had to get out of my clothes, they were strangling the baby. That's what I kept thinking. Only I'm not pregnant, By."
He sat on the edge of the bed and felt her stomach. The skin was stretched as tight as it ever was at the peak of pregnancy, completely erasing her navel. "You sure feel pregnant," said Byron.
And then, without thinking, he blurted: "That son-of-a-bitch."
"Who?" she said. "What are you talking about?"
"He said you were pregnant. He called you my pregnant wife."
"Who? Who who who who?"
"I don't know who. A homeless man. I gave him a ride home. I gave him a ride here."
"You let a homeless man into our house?"
"Not our house, I dropped him off at the bend. But it was crazy. I did whatever he wanted. I wanted to do it. He made me want to. I was thinking he hypnotized me."
"Well this isn't hypnosis, is it," said Nadine. "It hurts, By." Then her body tautened. "Merciful Savior make it stop!"
Byron realized his hand was cold and wet. "Baby, I think your water broke."
"What water!" she hissed. "I'm not pregnant!" get through her fully dilated cervix.
"Just hold still, baby, and push this thing out."
"What thing!"
"It looks like a baby," said Byron. "I know it's impossible but I can't lie about what I see."
"It's not a baby," said Nadine as she panted. "Whatever it is. It's not a baby. Babies don't.
Come this. Fast."
But this one did. Like popping a pimple, it suddenly squished out right into Byron's waiting hands. A little boy. Smaller than any of their real children had been.
Not that this baby didn't look real. It had the arms and legs and fingers and head of a genuine baby, and it was slithery and streaked in blood.
"It was nice of him to let you deliver this one without an episiotomy," said Byron.
"What?" asked Nadine, gasping as her body convulsed to deliver the afterbirth. The bed was soaked in blood now.
"He didn't tear you. Coming out."
"What?"
"I've got to cut. The cord. Where are there any scissors? I don't want to go clear to the kitchen, don't you have scissors here?"
"Sewing scissors in the kit in the closet," she said.
The afterbirth spewed out onto the bed and Nadine whimpered a couple of times and fell asleep.
No, fell unconscious, that was the right term for it.
Byron got the kit open and took out the scissors and then found himself hesitating as he tried to decide what color thread to use. Until he finally realized that the color didn't matter. It was insane to even worry about it. Except what was sane about any of this? A woman who wasn't pregnant this morning, she gives birth before dinner?
He tied the umbilical cord and then tied it again, and between the two threads he cut the springy flesh. It was like cutting raw turkey skin.
Only when he was done did he realize what was wrong. The baby hadn't made a sound.
It just lay there on its back in a pool of blood on the bed, not crying, not moving.
"It's dead," whispered Byron.
How would they explain this to the police? No, we didn't know my wife was pregnant. No, we didn't have time to get to the hospital.
And something else. Nadine still had her legs spread wide, and she was smeared with blood, but her belly wasn't swollen anymore. She had the flat stomach of a woman who takes her workouts seriously. There was no sign that a few moments ago she was nine months pregnant with this dead baby.
There was a knock on the door.
"What?"
"Man here to see you," said Word.
"I can't see anybody right now, Word," said Byron.
The door opened and Byron moved quickly to hide his wife's naked body. But it wasn't Word in the doorway. It was Bag Man.
"You," said Byron. "You son-of-a-bitch. What have you done to my wife?"
"Got that baby out already? That was quick." He looked downright cheerful.
"I got news for you," said Byron. "The baby's dead. So whatever you're doing to us, you blew it.
It didn't work."
Bag Man just shook his head and grinned. Byron hated that grin now. This man virtually carjacked him tonight, and somehow made him like it. Well, he didn't like it now. He wanted to throw the man against the wall. Knock him down and kick his head.
Instead he watched as Bag Man shambled past him and picked up the baby. "Look at him," said Bag Man. "Ain't he as pretty as can be?"
"I told you," said Byron. "He's dead."
"Don't be silly," said Bag Man. "Baby like this, it can't die. How can it die? Ain't alive yet. Can't die less you been alive, fool."