“Oh. Oh yeah.” Riggs looked at his half-empty martini glass. He wondered if it truly was only his third. “Well, you know what I mean.”
“I do. And may I say, it’s refreshing to meet such an optimist,” Patrick said.
“Yeah. Me, too.” Riggs leaned back in his seat, then leaned forward again. “It sounds pretty exciting though, doesn’t it?”
“What does, sir?”
“This job. This new gig.”
“I suppose.”
“Malcolm Riggs: fast, free-wheeling consultant.”
“That’s one way of looking at it.”
“Hot and cold running booze.”
“They may prefer you not to drink on the job.”
“And the babes, Patrick. The babes!”
Patrick smiled. “You might find it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, sir.”
“Oh, let me dream, Patrick. Let me dream.”
“Dream all you like, sir. I just wouldn’t count my chickens before they hatch if I were you.”
Riggs swished a mouthful of martini in his mouth, then swallowed. “Good point, Patrick. Good point. Wouldn’t want to end up with a basket full of rotten eggs, right?”
Patrick nodded. “Or something other than chickens.” Patrick pulled the car over to the side of the road, and shut off the engine.
“Here we are, sir.”
Riggs looked outside. Nothing but empty desert stretched out in all directions. “Where?”
“Your destination.”
“But there’s nothing here.”
“No,” Patrick said. “There isn’t.”
Riggs stared at Patrick blankly. “You’re just going to leave me here?”
Patrick nodded. “That’s what I’ve been asked to do, yes.”
“But…”
“But what, sir?”
“There’s nothing here!”
“I believe we covered that already.”
“You… you can’t just leave me out here!”
“I can.”
“I’ll die!”
“You won’t.”
“I will!”
Patrick let out an exasperated sigh. “Trust me, sir. If Mr. Dabney wanted you dead, I would have made that happen quite some time ago.”
Riggs did a double take. “What? Wait a minute. What are you saying? Did you… did you just threaten me?”
Patrick checked his watch. “I’m sorry, sir, but I just don’t have the time for this.” Patrick leaned forward. His expression hardened into an ice sculpture of cold hate. “Exit the vehicle, Captain. Now.”
While Patrick hadn’t raised his voice, something in its tone came out so hard and sharp that Riggs practically tripped over himself as he scrambled out of the car. Before he even realized what was happening, he was standing on the side of the road, watching the car speed off down the highway, leaving a cloud of choking dust in its wake.
Riggs was alone.
He could feel the sun beating down on him. He could feel his shirt already starting to stick to his sweaty back. He wiped his forehead. This is just great, he thought. What a hell of a first impression I’m going to make. He looked down and realized he still held the remnants of his martini in his hand. Just looking at it made his mouth go dry. Should he drink it now? Or save it for later? Oh hell, what does it matter anyway? Riggs threw his drink back.
Violent winds picked up around him, blowing sand into his mouth. Riggs spat sand out of his teeth, and looked up. The sky had gone pitch black. Flickering panels of light ran up and down the sky.
Riggs dropped his glass.
A panel opened directly above him. A giant phallic object emerged from the hole, crackling with green energy. Riggs turned and ran.
“Major!” Riggs screamed. “MAJOR!”
Riggs’s world filled with an intense painful green.
CHAPTER FIVE
The closer Karnage got to Camp Bailey, the more alien the landscape became. The tar pits became a thick, black marsh covered in a crosshatch of orange and pink. The squiggly cries of The Worm became more frequent. With each cry of The Worm, Stumpy grew paler and shakier. The only thing that kept him going was Karnage’s steady banter. So long as Karnage reminded Stumpy that he was at his side, he knew Stumpy would find the resolve to keep going. He hoped things would improve once they reached Camp Bailey.
But Camp Bailey was anything but reassuring to either of them. They reached the base after dark. The stoic buildings looked like giant tombstones against the starry night sky. As their eyes adjusted to the gloom, details of the buildings emerged from the darkness. Orange creeper covered everything. The roads were covered with pink and brown scrub. Orange vines slithered across the road from one building to the next. The whole base looked infected. Bits of crumpled paper blew by on the wind. In the distance, they could see the faint orange glow of campfires. Stumpy’s eyes locked on the fires. “Spragmites,” he whispered.
“Good news.” Karnage grabbed Stumpy’s shoulder and gave him a shake. “The fires are on the west edge of the camp. The Godmaster Array is to the east. All we gotta do is stay quiet and lay low. Those Spragmites won’t even know we’re—”
The trunk exploded with an ear-splitting bang. The duffel bag flew out and twisted across the road.
“Sonofabitch!” Karnage exploded out of the car. He chased after the squirming bag and stamped a boot on it. He ripped open the zipper. Sydney’s head flew out.
“You picked a hell of a time to wake up,” Karnage hissed.
“Why?” Sydney said. “Because you haven’t got us killed yet?”
A squiggly torrent of sound shot across them, shaking the windows in the cruiser.
Stumpy’s head appeared out of the car, his eyes wide with fear. “Major?” He whispered.
Karnage jerked a thumb at the car. “Break out the supplies, Corporal. We’re gearin’ up.”
Stumpy saluted and got out of the car.
“You’re just going to get yourselves killed,” Sydney said.
Karnage didn’t answer. He walked to the car, and took the keys out of the ignition. He walked back to Sydney, and tossed them beside her.
“What’s this?” Sydney asked.
“This is where we part company, Captain. From here on in, you’re on your own.” Karnage turned his back on her.
“That’s it?” Sydney asked. “I’m free to go?”
“That’s it,” Karnage said. “Try and chase us down if you like. But somethin’ tells me you’re gonna want to steer clear o’ this place.”
“Aren’t you going to at least untie me before you go?”
Karnage turned and smiled. “Give me a little credit here, Captain. You probably got yourself at least half untied already. I’d do you the honour of untying you myself, but I think it’d be better if me and Stumpy were well clear o’ here when that happens. Somethin’ tells me the blast radius is gonna be pretty big.”
Sydney smirked. “Maybe you’re not quite as crazy as they say you are.”
A violent torrent of squiggly sound hurtled across the landscape.
Karnage’s face darkened. “Don’t be so sure.” He saluted. “It’s been an honour, Captain.”
He walked back to Stumpy. Stumpy had arranged their equipment in rows on the ground. Karnage surveyed the collection of goober rifles and grenades laid out before them. All of it was non-lethal. He picked up a goober grenade. Dabby Tabby’s grinning face had been etched into its surface. Karnage hefted it in his hand. Not even a goddamn pistol.
“Pack light, Corporal.” Karnage clipped the grenade to his belt. “We’ve got to stay mobile. Get in, get out. We fix up the Godmaster Array, find out what those alien bastards are up to, then get the hell out. Is that clear?”