Sydney rifled through the nest of blankets on her cot. “Where the hell is it?”
“Where did you leave it?”
“Right here!”
“Looking for this?” Karnage turned and saw Patrick step out from behind some medical equipment. He held Sydney’s gun belt in one hand and her goober pistol in the other. He fired, and Sydney flew back in an expanding ball of goober. It stuck her to the wall, covering her left hand and head. She kicked and struggled at the goober.
“There.” Patrick tucked the goober pistol back into her gunbelt, and dropped it to the ground. “That should even things up a bit. No last-minute surprises this time, eh, Major?”
“How’d you get up here so fast?” Karnage said.
Patrick smiled. “I’m sure you’d love to know, wouldn’t you? But a good magician never reveals his secrets. Though I must admit, a part of me would love to let you in on the secret. A shame I have to kill you now.” He drew his pistol. “I’m dreadfully sorry it has come to this.”
“So your orders have changed, then.”
Patrick pulled his pistol. “Indeed they have. And may I say, I’m dreadfully sorry it has come to this.”
Karnage looked around. There was nowhere he could hide. He was trapped. He already knew how good Patrick was. He couldn’t dodge a bullet. Not at this range. You’ve got to use your head, Major.
Karnage shook his head disapprovingly. “And you call yourself a professional.”
Patrick looked injured. “What do you mean?”
“You say you know everything about me, and you want a chance to really fight me. And yet, here you are, holding a gun.”
“I told you, I’m a professional. It’s my job.”
Karnage sneered. “Sure. Go ahead.” Karnage turned his back. “Make it quick.”
“Oh, Major, please. I can’t shoot you in the back. It’s just not sporting.”
“It’s about as sporting as you shooting me in the front. Or did you forget about this?”
Karnage punched the wall. His Sanity Patch buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Daffodil. Please refrain from violent behaviour.”
Karnage turned back to Patrick. “You gettin’ it yet? You want a chance to fight me. Well, here it is. Let me go down fighting. It’ll be messy, but your boss won’t care. I’ll be dead. And you’ll have had your chance to fight me. That’s your life-long dream, isn’t it? To fight the legendary Major Karnage? Here’s your chance.”
“And you can die like a true warrior.” Patrick grinned broadly. “That’s very tempting.”
“I thought it might be,” Karnage said.
Patrick bit his lip, considering his options. Finally, he smiled. “Oh, why not?” He put his gun away in his jacket. He approached Karnage cautiously, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, yet tense with energy.
Karnage raised his fists. All the while, he repeated his mantra in his head: Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch. Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
He hoped it would be enough.
They circled one another like lions. Karnage threw the first punch. His Sanity Patch buzzed “Citrus Blast.” Karnage cursed himself. Don’t feel! THINK! Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
Patrick easily ducked the punch and tried to strike Karnage in the gut. Karnage blocked the blow. The Sanity Patch crooned “Peachy Keen.” Focus, dammit! FOCUS! Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
He tried to remember how it felt to trade blows with Sydney. Just sparring among friends. Nobody’s tryin’ to kill each other here. Even though we are. But we’re not. Fuck! How do I sort this out?
Patrick’s moves were long and fluid, his arms and legs like blades. Karnage blocked and dodged, all the while trying to get back into the right mindset. He tried to focus on why he needed to do this. He tried to focus on his long-term goals: Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch. Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
Patrick swept out with his leg and knocked Karnage off his feet. Karnage went down hard. He spun away from a foot coming for his head and leaped back to his feet. He shoved a table on casters at Patrick. Patrick tumbled out of the way, and the table smashed through one of the oval windows. Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Tangy Orange. Please refrain from violent behaviour.”
He cursed silently. Come on, mister, get it together! Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch. He dodged another blow, trying to prepare himself. They ain’t just names. They’re people. Your people. If you don’t win this, they’ll die! You can’t let that happen. They’re countin’ on you. You’re the only one they have left! Cookie! Velasquez! Heckler! Stumpy! Koch!
Karnage saw an opportunity to strike Patrick’s exposed throat. Do what you have to do, soldier. Do what you have to do! He took it, throwing a punch into Patrick’s neck. Patrick gasped, and reeled back.
The Sanity Patch stayed silent.
Keep it up, mister. Keep it up! Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
Patrick sliced the air with a gloved fist. Karnage dodged and landed a punch to Patrick’s stomach. Patrick doubled over. The Sanity Patch ignored the blow.
Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch. Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
Karnage ripped open the front of Patrick’s jacket, exposing the pistol.
Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch. Cookie. Velasquez. Heckler. Stumpy. Koch.
He whipped the pistol out of its holster and kicked Patrick away. Patrick staggered back, dazed. He looked at Karnage in amazement. “You’re not supposed to be able to do that.”
Karnage levelled the gun at Patrick. “I wasn’t sure I could.”
Patrick smiled. “You are far more magnificent than I could have imagined.” He looked at the pistol pointed at his chest, and smiled. “Are you that good? Can you do it? Can you get away with killing me without taking your own head off?”
“Only one way to find out,” Karnage said.
“Please,” Patrick said. “Do it.”
Karnage fired.
The Sanity Patch buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Sharp Cheddar. Please refrain from violent behaviour.” And then it was silent.
Patrick staggered back, a shocked look on his face. He looked down at the small hole in his shirt. Blood poured from the wound, staining the fabric. He looked up at Karnage, and smiled. Blood poured from his mouth.
“Brilliant,” he said, then fell back through the broken window.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Karnage grabbed a can of goober solvent from Sydney’s belt, and sprayed down the goober holding her to the wall. It fizzled and bubbled and melted away. Sydney slid down the wall, wiping the remnants from her face. “You all right?”
Sydney pinched at her nose and sniffed. “I’m gonna blow pink snot for a few days, but other than that I’m fine. How about you?”
“I’m not dead.”
“Sounds like you’re doing pretty good, then. What happened to Patrick?”
Karnage jerked a thumb out the broken window. “He’s dead.”
Sydney blinked. “You killed him?”
“Yep.”
“How?”
“With my fists,” Karnage said. “And a gun.”
“And the Sanity Patch didn’t go off?”
Karnage shrugged. “It went off a little.”
“But not enough to kill you.”
Karnage grinned. “Nope.”
Sydney looked out the window. “Where’s his body?”
“What do you mean where? He should be right—” Karnage looked down at the square. There was a smear of blood at the base of the water tower, but otherwise the square was empty.