“It’s sad, Major. Truly sad. If you’d only known what gifts I would bring. The knowledge that I would share.”
“Maybe you should have asked first,” Karnage said. “See if we even wanted any of it.”
The Intelligence forced Sydney’s features into a scowl. “Excuse me? I never ask for anything. I see what I want, and I take it.”
“Why do you want our world? What’s so special about it?”
The Intelligence made Sydney shrug. “Nothing. My world was dying, and I needed a new one. So I came here. That’s all.”
“But why here? Why not somewhere else?”
“Why not here? It was available, so I took it.”
“But it wasn’t available! We were already here! This is our world!”
The Intelligence drew Sydney’s lips up in a smirk. “Your world? Really? You think just because you happened to be here when I arrived that it somehow makes you the legitimate owners? I chose this world long before your kind could even think of rising up out of the primordial ooze. Just because it took a few million years to get to this planet, that doesn’t grant you the right to claim it in the meantime. The fact you were stupid enough to evolve here isn’t my problem. You’re like a bunch of fleas jumping up and down on a dog’s back, proclaiming, ‘Hey, this dog is ours! We were here first! No one can take it from us!’ And while you’re all jumping up and down and talking about what great owners you are and what a great dog this is, the real owner is just above you, getting ready to slap on a new flea collar. This planet isn’t ‘yours.’ Jump up and down all you like. You’ve no rightful claim. You’re squatters. Nothing more. And I will dispose of you as I wish.”
“If you think so little of us, then why are you savin’ everything? Preserving it in all the spheres?”
The Intelligence shrugged. “It’s my hobby. Some collect insects. Others collect butterflies. I collect biospheres.”
“Why?”
“Why not? I enjoy seeing how the universe works. How each species has learned to adapt and survive. It also helps me to understand how best to adapt a planet to suit my needs.
“This world wasn’t perfectly suited to my needs in the beginning. No planet ever is, so don’t bother to start whining to me about finding another planet that’s a better fit. I’ve heard it all before and I’m sick of answering that question. This planet had to be carefully transformed. Its atmosphere altered. Global temperatures raised. Thankfully, your beloved Dabney Corporation was very eager to help me in my efforts.”
“They’re no friend of mine,” Karnage spat.
“So I’ve heard. You’ve been quite a thorn in their side. Practically the bane of their existence. Do you know how stupid you’ve been, Major? I’m not talking slightly stupid here. I mean bone-headed, drool-running-down-the-chin level of stupid. Nobody was ever out to hurt you, you know. They were never trying to harm you. They were acting as my agents. You were to be the vessel from which I would rule. My intellect would have been yours, as yours would have been mine. Our minds would have become one. It is the ultimate gift the universe can bestow upon anyone, and you threw it away. ‘Thanks but no thanks, fellas. I’d rather just run around yelling at things while I pretend that I’m saving the world.’ It has been embarrassing to watch, Major. Beyond embarrassing. To think, I was supposed to be bonded to you. I get nauseated at the very thought.
“Fortunately, I was able to find something a little more to my liking. Do you like it?” The Intelligence forced Sydney to arch her back and place an arm suggestively on her hip. “It’s a bit of a tighter fit than I would have liked, but I’m sure it will stretch a bit with wear. Like an old shoe.”
Karnage lunged forward, his teeth bared. “Leave her the fuck alone, you squidbug freak!”
“Ah yes. Squidbug. What a completely inappropriate name for my followers. Still, it does do a good job of degrading them, doesn’t it? ‘They’re not intelligent creatures. They’re nothing like us. They’re squidbugs.’ It always helps to dehumanize your enemy, doesn’t it?
“Tell me, Major, how will it make you feel once I ‘dehumanize’ the entire human race? What then? Will you attack them as quickly as you’ve attacked my people? Would you gleefully destroy your own kind in some ill-conceived desire for racial purity? There’s a part of me that’s curious to know the answer. And it’s that part that has brought you here.”
The Intelligence forced Sydney to step back and spread her arms wide. “Here you are: faced with your own kind. One who holds a certain amount of affection for you. But she’s no longer your kind anymore. She’s a squidbug now. One of us. The Enemy. She may not look much like it now, but give me some more time. I’ll make her beautiful. Like Flaherty. Or maybe more like Captain Riggs. Oh, I love that look in your eye. You really want to do something about it, don’t you? Tell me, Major: do you have it in you? Would you kill her? I’m thinking no. You couldn’t bring yourself to kill Flaherty or Riggs. And if ever there were two men on this planet who you would want dead, it would be those two. So what about Sydney, Major? What about someone you truly care about? Will you have an easier time killing her? Let’s find out, shall we?”
The Intelligence stuck out Sydney’s pinky fingers and raised her up on her toes. “I’ve been dying to put her martial arts skills to the test. Her knowledge of human anatomy is surprisingly extensive. I look forward to absorbing this ‘Uncle’ character. He should prove to be an interesting conquest. But first…”
Green energy shot from the tips of Sydney’s hair. It ran up the walls and around the myriad hatchways lining the walls. The hatches sealed over with a translucent grey film. The floor shuddered, and the tunnels beyond the hatches whisked away in a blur of motion, replaced with misty grey, then brilliant blue sky.
Karnage felt himself thrown to the ground by powerful G-forces. Sydney stood above him, completely unaffected. The sky outside quickly faded from blue to dark purple, then finally worked into a rich, deep black. Tiny points of white dotted the sky. A curve of blue earth emerged through the hatchways, rapidly shrinking until it was just another tiny dot of light in a sea of sparkling black.
The Intelligence looked out the window approvingly. “There you are, Major. We are finally alone. No one around for millions of kilometres. It’s just the two of us now. Mano a mano, as they say.” The Intelligence raised Sydney up onto her tiptoes. “I look forward to thrusting you harshly into that good night.”
At the Intelligence’s insistence, Sydney leaped forward.
Karnage recognized the familiar attack pattern of fingers and toes flying at him from all directions. He tried to dodge, tried to defend himself, but the spacesuit slowed him down.
He felt a touch to the small of his back, and his legs buckled. A second touch to his shoulder shot pain up and down his spine, temporarily paralyzing him as he fell hard to the ground. He quickly rolled onto his back, his entire body screaming in agony. The Intelligence as Sydney sprang up onto his body, and perched on her pinky toes on his chest. Karnage could barely gasp and wheeze as she stood over him, her squiggly eyes glinting.
“Well, that wasn’t exactly fair, now was it, Major? Those touches should have killed you. And yet, you live. Your spacesuit turned out to be of use to you after all. Oh well. Live and learn. I’ll be sure to apply a bit firmer pressure this time. Say goodbye, Major.”
Karnage looked up into those squiggly eyes. He was overwhelmed by their malevolence, their sheer self-assured arrogance.