I almost opened my mouth to correct Vibi that I was not home to stay, then thought better of it. There was no need to ruin this reunion, just moments after it had started. Gisela had composed herself somewhat, and relieved of Vibi, she turned to go and pick up my daughter, bringing her back to me for me to examine. We regarded each other for a moment, then without any prompting from her mother, she reached out for me to take her. I handed Vibi back to his mother, which he did not like at all, and I swept the girl into my arms.
“Titus, meet your daughter, Livia.”
Holding her at arm’s length, I inspected her closely, as she did the same to me, and I marveled at her. My throat tightened as I glimpsed my dead sister in her features, just a hint in the chin and the set of her mouth.
“She is beautiful,” I said hoarsely.
“Yes, I suspect that we are going to have some sleepless nights when she gets older,” Gisela said dryly.
I hugged her tightly, reveling in the feel of her tiny arms around my neck and the sweet smell of her scent. At the same time, I was struck by an overwhelming sense of shame, shame that I had not given my family as much thought and attention as they deserved, and at that moment, I thought that perhaps it was time for me to end my time in the Legions.
~ ~ ~ ~
Although the time had grown late, Gisela roused the servants to prepare a meal for me. While we were waiting, I played with my children. I had brought presents of course, things that I bought in Dyrrhachium when I was waiting for the ship to bring me across the sea. For Vibi, I had a set of carved Legionaries; for Livia, a doll and a set of combs made of ivory. Finally, for Gisela, I had a gold brooch with a ruby the size of a robin’s egg set in the center of it, though I did not tell her how I had come to possess it, and she knew better than to ask. Women enjoy gifts, but when they come from a dead body, it tends to kill the romance, so to speak. Sitting at the table, I briefly recounted what had transpired over the few months since I had last written, which Gisela did not waste any time in bringing up, I can promise you.
“The only way I knew you weren’t dead was that the money kept coming,” she said somewhat sharply, regarding me with an angry glare and some well-chosen words in her native tongue, and I resolved to myself to start thinking about what I was going to say before I actually opened my mouth.
It is a promise I have made to myself more times than I can count, and broken almost every time I make it. Naturally, being a woman, Gisela was less interested in hearing my accounts of the battles we had fought, preferring instead to hear about Cleopatra.
“So is she as beautiful as they say she is?”
I laughed. “Gods, no. She’s really quite plain. In fact, when I first met her, I was astounded that Caesar would have anything to do with her.”
I do not know why, but Gisela looked pleased at this revelation.
Then, as quickly as it had come, her look of happiness disappeared, her eyes suddenly narrowing a bit. “When you first met her you thought that way? But obviously something changed your mind. What was it? Did she suddenly become beautiful in your eyes?”
I knew trouble when I heard it. Gisela had always had a jealous streak in her makeup, which I did not mind all that much, but now I had to steer a very careful course.
“No,” I said quickly, perhaps too quickly because her lips thinned out, a sure sign that depending on how I handled things, crockery could be flying. “Nothing like that. It’s just that once I spent some time around her, she proved to be quite remarkable in some ways. She has a very quick wit, and she can swap camp stories that would make the saltiest Legionary blush. She has a knack for putting people at ease. That’s all, really. She still was as plain as the planks on this table, but her personality made her seem more attractive than she actually was.”
I was vastly relieved to see that Gisela accepted this, in fact finding it greatly amusing. Like many beautiful women, Gisela seemed to take a delight in hearing that women who were considered beauties in their own right did not live up to the name for one reason or another. In turn, Gisela caught me up on what she knew of the political situation, which was little enough. It was from her that I learned that Caesar had gone to Sicily, and that the Spanish Legions were marching to meet him.
“Which is where you are going, isn’t it?”
It might have been in the form of a question, but it was a statement by Gisela that I only needed to nod my head to verify. When I did, she took it much better than I thought she would, giving a sigh as she bounced Livia on her knee.
“The minute I saw you in the doorway, I knew that was why you had come back to Italy,” she said, and there was no mistaking the bitterness in her voice.
I was about to open my mouth, then thought better of it. There was nothing that I could say that would not make things worse, so for once I managed to keep myself from getting in even bigger trouble, concentrating instead on sopping up the last of the stew with a piece of bread, which I split with Vibi. For his part, he munched happily away, oblivious that shortly his world would be turned upside down just as quickly and suddenly as it had when I appeared. Sitting in silence for several moments, things were becoming almost painful before Gisela suddenly stood up from the table, telling Vibi that it was his bedtime, a fact that he had no intention of surrendering to without a fight. Finally, he gave in only when I picked him up, carrying him to his bed, which was across the room from where Gisela and the baby slept. He was very proud of the fact that he slept by himself, and I agreed with him that it indeed meant that he was almost a grown man.
“Soon you’ll be standing next to me in a testudo,” I teased.
“Over my dead body,” Gisela said.
I looked up to see if she was smiling when she said it, but she was not. I shot her a dark look, which of course she ignored. Kissing Vibi good night, I was happy to see that he was asleep within moments, one tiny fist tightly clutching one of the toy Legionaries. I stood there looking at him for a moment, with the heavy feeling in my chest stronger than ever as I wondered when the next time I would put him to bed and how old he would be then. Coming home to see my family had certainly made me happy in many ways, but it also raised questions in my mind that I had not experienced in some time. I was not getting any younger, and I was already wealthier than I had dreamed possible, particularly since I had not spent much of my money on drinking, gambling, or whores like most of my comrades. This meant that I could leave the Legions and never work another day in my life unless I wanted to, even if I might not have enough to elevate myself and my family into the equestrian class, but it would not be hard for Vibi to do so when he was old enough to start his own career. All these thoughts and more rushed through my head as I watched my son sleep, and then I felt Gisela at my shoulder. Turning, I saw that Livia was fast asleep, her head lying on Gisela’s shoulder as her mother patted her on the back, making me wonder if my mother had done that for my sisters. Gazing at the two of them, with Gisela looking back at me, her eyes glistening with tears, I thought my heart would rend itself at the sight. I moved to her, but she shook her head and stepped away, making my heartache even stronger. Then I saw that I had misunderstood, as she gently laid the baby down on a pallet she had prepared next to the bed. Once she was satisfied that Livia was comfortably tucked in, only then did she come to me, stepping into my arms, and I remembered all the reasons why I loved her at that moment.
~ ~ ~ ~
“I’ve been thinking,” I tried to sound casual, but I had never been able to fool Gisela. This time was no exception.
“Uh-oh, I don’t know if I like the sound of that,” she said in a light tone, though her eyes studied my face carefully.
“By rights, my enlistment is up in a little more than a year.”