“Gentlemen, we are about to embark on the last phase of this operation, one that should culminate in the end of this unfortunate and unhappy war.” We stood silently at intente, watching him gather his thoughts for what he would say next. Looking down at some papers on his desk for a moment before resuming, he continued, “I intend to launch an amphibious operation, an operation in which the 10th will be accorded the signal honor of accompanying me in the first wave.” So far, nothing was a surprise, the rumor mill being extremely accurate to this point. Caesar noted our lack of expression, and his face darkened for a moment before he expelled his breath with a harsh chuckle. “And I’m not telling you anything you don’t know already, am I? I should remember that there are no secrets in the army.” Pursing his lips, he let out a sigh. “Very well, that’s the gist of it anyway. I will also be taking the 11th, 12th, 25th, 26th, and 27th, along with the Cohorts of the 28th that held faith with me instead of going over to Pompey like the rest of that lot.”
While our role was not a surprise, the identities of the other Legions were, and I exchanged a sidelong glance with Crastinus, who raised an eyebrow, which did not escape Caesar’s attention.
“Is there anything you care to say, Primus Pilus Crastinus?” Caesar asked mildly.
Crastinus reverted back to the age-old soldier’s trick of going rigid and staring off into space. “No, sir, nothing at all, sir.”
Caesar picked up a stylus, tapping it thoughtfully against his chin, then replied, “I would prefer it if you spoke your mind, Gaius Crastinus. You know I value the opinions of my Centurions.”
Crastinus was now off the hook; he had just been ordered to speak his mind, no matter how politely it was phrased, and he did not waste the opportunity.
“It’s just that, given everything we’ve heard from the intelligence reports, that bunch over there has had a lot of time and put in a lot of effort in fortifying the possible landing spots.” Caesar nodded his agreement with that statement, and Crastinus continued, “Given that, sir, it just seems a bit. . chancy to include green Legions like the 25th and the rest in the first wave. I mean,” he added hastily, “we’re happy that the 11th and 12th are with us as well, but wouldn’t it be good to have the boys from Gaul in the first wave?”
When Crastinus finished, Caesar looked to the rest of us to see if we had anything to add, but we did not. Not only was Crastinus our senior and therefore our spokesman, he had summed up exactly what constituted our fears. More than half the army would be untested troops; granted they had been in the army for more than a year, but they had not seen any action.
Seeing us remain silent, Caesar nodded, heaving a sigh that seemed to contain all the weariness of the world in it. “Ideally, you would be correct, Primus Pilus. It would indeed be better to put all my veterans together in the first wave to ensure the highest probability of success. But I’m sure I’m not telling you anything that you don’t know when I say that the men of the 7th, 8th and 9th and I had a bit of a. . falling out.” Despite the seriousness of the topic, a ghost of a smile played about his face at the understatement, eliciting a couple of chuckles from us. He grew serious again, and continued, “Given that, I’m not sure how far I can trust the men of those Legions, and until I am sure again, I'm not willing to risk the consequences if they should decide to switch their allegiance.”
Although we understood and accepted his reasoning, it was still sobering to hear our general voice his fears about the loyalty of part of his army aloud, and I think he read in our faces our consternation.
“I do not make this decision lightly, because I know that some might see it as an insult.” His voice hardened, the memories of Placentia evidently coming back. “But it’s no more of an insult than was given me by their attempted mut. .” he clamped his mouth shut, biting off the last word before it could be uttered fully. Such is the specter of dishonor associated with that word that our general did not even want to speak it aloud. Instead, he substituted the word “misunderstanding,” which I thought was a bit generous. If only I knew what lay ahead of us, I am not sure how I would have felt.
~ ~ ~ ~
We departed headquarters a few moments later, Caesar telling us that written orders would be coming our way shortly, but we now had a lot of work to do, and a short amount of time in which to do it. Caesar also informed us that he would be addressing the entire army later that day to announce his plans, so we hurried back to get the men ready for the formation. Delegating the task to my Optio, Scribonius, and confident that the other Centurions would get their own Centuries ready, I plodded across the depot for the main gate, and headed to our apartment to break the news to Gisela. I had learned, to my own peril, the folly of delaying bad news where Gisela was concerned and I prided myself, as I do to this day, on not making the same mistake twice. That does not mean I was looking forward to it in any way, and I remember thinking wryly that I had to remember to put in an order for more crockery, because I suspected there was going to be some breakage in the very near future. I did pause for a moment outside the door to gather myself and was struck by the thought that this was becoming a habit, but unlike other times, I was aware for the first time that there was an alternative, that I did not always have to do this to Gisela and my family. Vibi, as we called him, was too young to know this time, but if I stayed in the army there would be a time when he would be just as hurt as his mother. I shook my head angrily; these were unwelcome thoughts, particularly at this moment, except the idea that I might have a life outside the army had taken root and would not seem to die. Forcing this from my mind, I entered the apartment by way of a stairwell on the outside of the building so I did not have to go through the cloth merchant’s establishment. Gisela was feeding Vibi, who appeared like most of his meal had somehow missed his mouth, and he beamed up at me with outstretched arms, giving me a gummy smile sprinkled with a few white, even teeth. Despite the mess, I welcomed the distraction, swooping him up into the air as he laughed with delight.
“And what brings you home in the middle of the day, Centurion?” Gisela had almost as much food splattered on her as Vibi, but she still looked desirable to me, and she must have sensed it because she added, “Are you here for a quick romp? Can’t you wait until tonight?”
Despite her words, she was smiling up at me, and I knew that if I wanted, I could have had her right then, making me feel even worse. I am not good at hiding my feelings and just as quickly as it had appeared, her smile fled as she searched my eyes. Before I could speak, she took a staggering step and sat back down on the chair from which she had been feeding Vibi.