“So what do we do about it?” someone else asked, stopping the muttered conversations as we all looked at Torquatus, who rubbed his face wearily as he thought. I remember thinking then that perhaps the cost of ambition and my goal of rising to Primus Pilus bore a price that ultimately was too high for me to pay, yet I quickly shrugged it off, thinking that somehow I would never find myself in this position.
Waiting for several moments as Torquatus stared at the ground, he finally spoke. “Nothing. There’s nothing we can do until it happens.” He glanced up to see how his decision was being received, and encouraged, he continued, “We can’t very well start dragging men out for punishment because they’ve been the loudest complainers about this bonus. Especially when it’s clear that a number of their Centurions agree with them.” He glared around as he said the last bit, and was rewarded by a few heads bowing, some of the Centurions suddenly finding something about their boots incredibly interesting at that moment. Torquatus then gave a tired shrug. “I think we just have to wait and see what happens, and whether Balbus is right. And then,” he looked meaningfully around at the Centurions of the 10th, “we’ll see who stands where, won’t we?”
And with that, we were dismissed to go pass the word to our men to make ready to move out. Or to mutiny, we weren’t sure which.
~ ~ ~ ~
As matters turned out, Balbus was about as right as he could have been. When the order was given to make ready to march the men of the 9th, led by their Centurions, simply refused to budge. They were followed quickly by the 8th, then the 7th, and thanks to the warning that Balbus had raised, the only person shocked when the 10th followed suit was Caesar himself. Stepping in front of the Cohort, despite my belief that I had prepared myself, I was still a bit shaken when Vibius was not standing there ready to receive my orders. Instead, he was standing in his former spot in the formation, and I think I was trying to postpone the inevitable because I did not order him to me.
Instead I acted like everything was normal, turning to the cornicen to sound the call for the men to pick up their gear, who actually hesitated for a moment, opening his mouth as if to say something before I said to him quietly, “Don’t. Just carry out the order, and whatever happens will happen. Don’t compound your crime by refusing a direct order.”
His face darkened, but he obeyed and blew the call, whereupon the men of the Cohort followed the lead of the rest of the army. Instead of picking up their gear, almost in unison, they sat down on the ground next to it. Even knowing it was coming, actually watching it happen was a blow almost physical in nature. I stood for a moment, not sure what to do at this point, looking over at the First Cohort to see if Torquatus had any ideas, but he just looked at me and shrugged helplessly. Finally, I walked towards Vibius, who sat calmly watching me approach, but did not come to his feet.
The anger that was building inside me at being put in this situation flared up through my chest, and I spoke sharply, “Get on your feet when your superior approaches, Optio.”
For a moment, he did not move, then slowly got to his feet, coming to intente. For moments that seemed to last forever, we stood staring at each other, neither knowing what to say. Finally, I shook my head.
“Why, Vibius?”
He looked at me as if I had gone mad. “Why,” he said incredulously, “why? You know very well why, Titus. He lied to us, Titus. Surely you can see that?”
I shook my head. “First, I don’t believe that just because he hasn’t given us our bonus it’s a case that he’s lying to us. If you haven’t noticed,” my voice was heavy with sarcasm, “he’s been a little busy the last few weeks.”
“I know exactly how busy he’s been because it’s been thanks to our sweat and blood,” he shot back, and this I could not argue.
For a moment, we stood there, neither of us speaking and I could almost pretend that we were just two friends standing in comfortable silence, but we both knew it was just that, a pretense.
Finally, Vibius placed a hand on my arm and said, “Titus, you know that I’m right. You know that he owes us, and he owes us more than just some bonus.”
Now, all these years later, I will finally confess that at that moment, Vibius had almost convinced me. The surprise of that realization almost undid me, because I nearly opened my mouth. I had not realized until that moment that I had some resentment built up inside me that I was unaware of, some numen that inhabited my soul, feeding a flame of bitterness and anger that I did not even know was there until that moment. And standing there thinking on it, I also realized that I did not really know why I felt this way. After all, Caesar had favored me, not as much as some other men, but more than most; however, I was also tired. I was tired of all the marching, and I was tired of watching my men bleed and die. When all was said and done, was it not really for the reasons that Vibius had been arguing about all these years, that we were just pieces on the board of some great game being played by Gaius Julius Caesar? That all of his high-flown rhetoric about preserving the Republic and stopping tyranny were just empty words, that this was about little more than one patrician trying to gain ascendancy over another? These thoughts rushed through my mind staring down at Vibius’ hand resting on my forearm, and through all of the confusion and emotions running through my body, I remembered how Vibius and I had met, and how much we had seen together. When I first saw that hand, I thought, it was so much smaller and white. Now, it was as brown as a piece of leather, the knuckles scarred from hard work and fights. So was the forearm it rested on, his hand partially covering the long scar that ran down my arm, and I frowned, trying to remember where I had gotten it. What battle had it been, I wondered? Then I remembered; it was from the Gallaeci all those years ago, and one thing I knew was that Vibius had been by my side.
“Join us, Titus. Caesar will listen if you’re with us.”
And there it was; all I had to do was say yes, and my friendship with Vibius would be preserved. Besides, was there not something to what he was saying? Perhaps the way the men were going about it was not the right way, but surely they had just cause, and ultimately, did Caesar not owe us what he had promised? I do not know how long I stood there, looking down at that hand resting on my arm, but then I shook my head. Looking up, I saw Vibius frowning at me, and I was suddenly filled with a sadness that I had never felt before, because I knew that this time, our friendship could not survive.
“No, Vibius. I won’t join you. You’re rising in mutiny against our general. And I can’t justify that, no matter what the cause.”
Vibius jerked his hand away as if I had suddenly become red-hot. His face turned bright red, something I had seen so many times over the years, telling me that he was not just angry; he was enraged.
“Mutiny,” he hissed between clenched teeth, his jaw muscles bulging. “This is no mutiny! This is a just act by Roman citizens who are simply demanding their rights. The men of the 7th, 8th, and 9th have been wronged. .”
I cut him off with a harsh laugh. “Spare me, Vibius. You could give a fart in a testudo for those faithless bastards. You hate them as much as I do, so please refrain from acting with such righteous indignation about their rights.”
For a moment, Vibius said nothing, his jaws working as he chewed on his rage. “Fine,” he spat, “you’re right. This has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with what Caesar owes us. And while we’re being honest,” he continued hotly, “let’s not pretend that the reason you won’t join us has anything to do with what’s right or what’s wrong. It has everything to do with wanting to be in good with Caesar. You’ll do anything to be his lapdog!”
Before I had conscious thought, my hand gripped my sword, whipping the blade out but not bringing it up, pointing it at the ground instead. Vibius’ eyes widened, but he stood his ground, his own hand reaching down.