The hare's reply was tinged with hopefulness. "Well, thank the seasons for a decent type o' shrew, wot! Yes, mushroom'n'cheese flan, that's jolly nice. Oh, let me see now, I like summer salad with hazelnuts, blueberry pudden, hot scones with meadowcream, lashin's o' the stuff! Er, apple pie, plum tart, heavy fruitcake with a wedge of cheese, anythin' like that!"
Mayon nodded, as if making a mental note of it all. "Well, don't you fret, sir, we'll remove all that jolly ole temptation outta yore way, so that yore breeches'll still fit yer. Don't forget t'put that on our records, sir!"
They went inside chuckling, with the air ringing to Florian Dugglewoof Wilffachop's invective. "Blisterin' salad-swipers! Confounded purloiners of puddens! You mop-pawed ragheaded bread'n'cheese bandits, I hope y'all scoff too much an' explode, see if I'll care? Hah, pish'n'tush I'll say, fiddledy hey an' serves 'em right! Why, I've a good mind t'go to sleep an' allow the flippin' place t'be overrun with water foxes an' Marlrats an' what have you . . . er, I mean, forterwoxes an' ragmats, yes, that's what I mean .. . er, no 'tisn't..."
Chapter 21
Morning was high and bright by the time the travelers left Sollertree's dwelling with their guide. Song had the feeling that though the hedgehog giant professed to be happy with his lonely existence, he would dearly have wished them to stay longer. In normal circumstances the squirrelmaid would have liked to, but there was much to be done and now was not the time to linger. With their packs refilled from Soil's larder they trudged off, their big friend in the lead carrying the boat Swallow across his shoulders with ease. Dann figured that the path they were taking must once have been flooded by water, for thick fernbeds interspersed with clumps of marjoram, woundwort and hempnettle grew around the slender trunks of young rowan, elder and ash, which provided a veritable palisade on either side of the narrow path. Apart from the birdsong all around there appeared to be no signs of other creatures.
"Looks like we got the woodlands to ourselves, mates!" Dippler remarked airily.
Soil's reply caused them to look to their weapons. "Not quite, me young dears, we're bein' watched. Now now, put not yore paws near blade or sling, 'tis nothin' a beast o' my girth cannot deal with! Follow me, look neither left nor right an' be not afeared."
"Oh yiss yiss, keep close t'the big feller, though I don't see as 'ow he'll defend us," Burble whispered to Dippler as they hurried to keep up with Soil. "Yesterday 'e said that 'twas agin' 'is nature t'be a warrior or harm any livin' creature."
Dippler kept close behind the hedgehog's broad back. He had confidence in Soil. "Don't you worry, Burb, mister Soil will take care of us."
Song's sharp eyes soon picked out the shapes flitting amid the screen of slim treetrunks. Whoever it was tracking them seemed well versed in stealth, using sunlight and shadow skillfully, slipping between ferns and bushes.
"Whatever kind of creature comes at us, I'm not afraid," Dann murmured to her. "This time they won't catch me nappin', I'll wager!"
The pretty squirrelmaid restrained Dann's swordpaw gently. "I know you don't fear them, Dann, but let's do what Soli says, just follow and leave things to him. Look out, here they are!"
There were three of them, a stoat and two weasels. Their appearance was eerie and barbaric. Stripes of yellow clay and green plant dye swathed the trio from ears to footpaws, providing perfect camouflage for the type of woodland they hunted in. A mace and chain dangled from the stoat's paw, while the weasels brandished fire-blackened cutlasses. They stood on the path ahead, boldly blocking the way.
Grinning wickedly, the stoat twirled his mace and chain. "Stay where y'are. This's our forest. Who said youse could walk on our path? I never, did you, cullies?"
The weasels were enjoying themselves. They shook their heads.
"Nah, we never gave 'em permission."
"Trespassin', that's wot they're doin'."
Soli unshouldered the boat, placing it carefully to one side. His voice was calm and friendly. "Me'n'my friends are travelers. We don't want trouble."
The stoat turned to his weasel companions, putting on a mocking tone. "Did y'ear that, buckoes? They don't want trouble. Ain't that nice?" Turning swiftly, he slammed the spiked metal ball of his mace and chain against a thin laburnum tree, tearing off a chunk of bark. His voice hardened as he shook the weapon at the hedgehog. "Well, you've already got trouble whether y'want it or not. Now drop those foodpacks an' yer weapons too, an' leave the pretty boat where 'tis. Then run back the ways yer came an' I'll let yer off wid yore lives. But yer better do it quick!"
Soli held up a large paw. "I hear you, friend. Let me have a word with these young 'uns first." Without waiting for a reply, Soil turned and addressed his followers quietly.
"Steady now, me liddle dears. I know yore warriors an' you could deal with yon vermin, but why waste life? They're only bullies an' loudmouths, or they'd 'ave acted afore now. Leave this t'Soll."
The giant hedgehog turned back then, and took a few resolute steps forward. Seeing the size of him reared up to his full height, the vermin trio fell back a pace. Soil's face was stern and unrelenting, and his voice rang like iron. "Y'see those four young 'uns back there? Well, each of 'em is a Redwall Abbey Champion. They're born warriors. Any one of 'em could lay all three of you out!"
Both weasels looked apprehensive at this statement, but the stoat kept up his swagger. "Yore lyin', 'edgepig. Those four, ha! I'll wager that four seasons back their mammas was still tuckin' 'em in bed!"
Soil raised his bushy eyebrows, widening his eyes until he began to look quite insane, and his voice rose to a roar. "But I only keep my friends for special occasions, an' this ain't nothin' special, three painted popinjays like you. Yore all mine!"
Soil's powerful paws began clenching and unclenching, his eyes popped even wider and his voice swelled like thunder. " 'Cos you've left it until too late to run away now! Y'must deal with me! I'm the son of a gutripper an' skullcrusher! Born in dark moon an' storm! My enemies don't 'ave graves, I et 'em all! First I'll bite off yer ears an' tails! Then I'll build me a great fire, a roastin' fire! I'll cut me a sharp green spit, one that can take three vermin at a time! Then I'll get my skinnin' sword an' I'll..."
But the vermin were gone, whizzing away through the woodlands like minnows with a pike on their tails.
Sollertree sat down on the path, placing a paw across his eyes and shaking his head woefully. "Oh dearie me, grapevines'n'gravel! Dearie goodness gracious me!"
Song hurried forward and held his paw sympathetically. "Mister Soil, whatever's wrong with you?"
The giant hedgehog waved her away. "Leave me a moment, my pretty maid. I've gone an' upset meself with all that temper an' shoutin'. It had t'be done, though I don't like meself when I must resort to anger. Leave me, I beg you."
Song went with her friends to sit a short distance from Soli. Dann's eyes were shining with wonder. "Did you see him? Whew! Imagine what he'd 'ave done if the vermin'd stayed! I shudder t'think!"
Dippler had enjoyed the encounter immensely, once he was over the first fright of Soil's roaring tirade. "Heheehee! Did you see their faces? I thought they was gonna break all their teeth, they was chatterin' so 'ard, eh, Burb?"
"Oh yiss yiss. Meself, I was hopin' that good ole mister Soll'd skin 'em an' roast the rotten toads, like 'e said 'e would. Yiss!"
Song tweaked the watervole's ear. "You bloodthirsty little maggot, mister Soil wouldn't have done any such thing. He knew they were only bullies, so he outbullied them. Look at him, poor creature, he's quite upset."
However, Soil's depressed state did not last too long. He sniffed quite a bit, wiped his eyes and stood up smiling broadly. "Well, that's enough o' that, my liddle dearies. There's plenty o' creatures in this land to upset me, without my upsettin' meself. Life is given t'be lived happily, that's true enough!" Picking up the mace and chain that the stoat had dropped, Soil twirled it above his head until it was a humming blur, then he flung it up and out. They watched in awe as it sailed out of sight over the treetops.