“I’ll see you at Masquerade tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah…” My voice is husky.
Maddox climbs on his bike, puts his helmet on, and nods toward the door. Smiling, I shake my head at him, then go to the door and let myself in. After he pulls away, I realize two things: I still have his jacket, and it felt kind of good to have him want me safe inside before he left.
Chapter Twenty ~Maddox~
Sitting on my bike in front of Bee’s house, waiting to take her to Laney’s, I try not to think about the fact that her legs will be wrapped around me in a couple minutes. I’ve done good all week not acting on the impulses I felt like at Lunar that night. Done well not imagining her hands on me and my mouth on her and remembering how she felt and wanting more of it.
Okay, so I thought about it but that’s all. And then… there were times we just work at Masquerade or talk like when we started redoing my art portfolios. In those times it’s like we are. Where I don’t fight the attraction or succumb to it either. Times like sitting in my living room drawing pictures of each other where we’re two people like any other. In those moments we’re not keeping distance neither of us wants. We’re not sleeping with each other and then pretending like it didn’t happen.
It’s easier than I thought. I’ve never really had those things with someone before and there’s a part of me that really likes it. Maybe more than a part. She’s cool, and I’m working toward tattooing. I try not to focus on it all because I don’t want it to go away.
“Hey. I brought your jacket. Sorry I forgot it all week.” Bee steps up to me.
“You can use it. I have another one.” I shrug and she slips it on before putting on the helmet and climbing on behind me as though it’s something she’s done a million times.
The October air feels colder on the bike as we ride toward Laney’s. November’s right around the corner but we’ve had some pretty decent days.
It doesn’t take long to get there. I wait for Bee to get off the bike before I do. “There’s a little courtyard out back. Laney said they’d be out there.” I grab my bag and start walking with Bee toward my sister’s.
My sister’s. With Bee. I reach into my pocket to pull out my cigarettes and light one.
“Haven’t seen you do that in a while.” I wait for more. Wait for her to tell me how disgusting it is or wonder what’s up. She doesn’t do any of it.
This little pang of regret hits me. This strange part of me that wishes she would have. What the hell is going on with me? I’m taking this girl to a party with my family. The only real family I have and I keep waiting to freak out or to get pissed at myself for doing it but none of it’s coming.
“Do it when I feel like it.” I shrug, then stop to put the smoke out. Laney will complain and I don’t feel like fighting with my sister today.
We walk around the building to the courtyard. There are two picnic tables there. The graffiti I’ve seen on them before is covered by tablecloths. Balloons and streamers decorate light posts and trees. Orange and brown leaves are all over the ground, a stereo sits on one of the tables, and the grills are going.
Laney, Adrian, Colt, and Cheyenne are all standing there with their backs to us, and something makes me stop. Makes me take it in. These people love my sister. They did this for her, and maybe it’s not much for a lot of people but it’s huge for her, which makes it important to me.
Mom didn’t do shit for our birthdays after Dad got locked up. We were lucky if she acknowledged us, and even though Laney never said it bothered her, I know it did. She’s happy and wants everyone else to be happy.
My stomach sinks as I take it in, wishing I was the kind of brother who would have thought to do something like this for her.
“He loves her… Most of the time love doesn’t make sense but it kind of does with them,” Bee whispers, and I wonder how she knew what I was thinking. Adrian’s standing behind Laney with his arms around her as they talk to their friends.
After everything that’s happened, he really fucking loves her and that makes the guilt churn inside me more.
“She deserves it.” Before I get the chance to walk toward them, Bee grabs my wrist.
“You’re a good brother. She loves you.”
Half of her sentence is true. “I know she does.” We’re facing each other. Standing here looking at her, I struggle to remember what I was thinking about. What had me upset because she’s gorgeous and she’s so fucking different from anyone I’ve ever known. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have her. No… She’s not really mine, though, is she?
Still, I’m glad she’s here. I don’t remember ever really being glad to be around someone like that.
“Maddy!” Laney yells. “Get your butt over here.”
Bee’s hand slips off my wrist and I realize I’d forgotten she was holding on to it. “I have a feeling we better go or she’ll come drag us there,” Bee says.
That makes me laugh. “You know her already.”
When we get to the tables, I set my bag by the gifts. “Hey.” I hug Laney and then nod at Adrian and Colt. “What’s up?” I say to Cheyenne.
“How are things going at the shop?” Cheyenne asks. I’ve hardly spoken to her but I know she’s my sister’s best friend and she’s trying to be cool to me because of it.
“Pretty good. I’m not tatting yet but—”
“He will be soon,” Bee interrupts. “He’s doing well. He’s a natural. Kind of pisses me off how good he is for a scratch.”
Everyone except me laughs. Her words were light and playful, yet for me they feel heavy. No, not heavy—deep, important because I want this. Want to be good at this one fucking thing because all I was ever good at was ball and that’s not me anymore.
“Jealous?” I tease her back.
“Of what? I taught you everything you know.”
This time I laugh too. Something makes me wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me. “You wish. I’m a natural, remember?”
“You have a naturally big head.” She tries to pull away. I hold her tighter.
Bee’s pretending to pout, with her arms crossed and I really want to suck her bottom lip into my mouth. I’ve never seen her act like this before. I don’t want it to stop either.
Turning, I put my mouth next to her ear. “My head isn’t really a conversation I want to have around my sister.” She tenses and then jerks away. Honestly I’m a little freaked out I just pissed her off but she bends and lets out the biggest laugh I’ve ever heard from her. The sound vibrates through me and I wish I could hit repeat to hear it over and over.
“What did we miss?” Cheyenne asks.
“I’m pretty sure you don’t wanna know, Tiny Dancer,” Colt tells her.
Bee’s still laughing and my skin starts to prick, so I look over and Laney and Adrian are both watching… dissecting me. I wish I could put up a shield between us so they can’t find whatever they’re looking for. With Laney, I know what it is. Know that I’m not being like myself right now and she sees it. Or am I being me? Who I used to be?
That can’t be it because Adrian’s looking for something too. He’s seeing something and he doesn’t know shit about who I used to be.
“You’re such an ass!” Bee’s voice breaks through me and I turn away to look at her. Tears are on her face she was laughing so hard and damned if it doesn’t feel good. Seeing her that happy and knowing it’s because of something I said makes me want to find a way to do it again.
* * *
I’m sitting on the top of one of the picnic tables with my feet flat on the seat. We finished eating some barbeque not long ago. Colt and Adrian are standing by the stereo talking while Bee, Laney, and Cheyenne are under one of the trees. Laney says something to Bee and then she laughs before shaking her head.