His mom is dead and I know it hurts him. It has to, no matter what his family situation has been.
When we pull off the freeway, I watch as the other car goes left, and then Maddox turns right.
“We’re not going to the hotel?” They’d decided to meet there, no one wanting to go to his mom’s apartment.
“No. I called when we made a stop. I need to go to the morgue to ID her. I don’t want Laney to have to see that shit.”
I never thought I would be the type of girl who would say a guy made her melt. Maybe this isn’t the right time and the circumstances are all screwed up, but the way he loves his sister makes me do just that. My hand reaches for the door handle because I need something to do with it. He loves her with the kind of strength that makes people do crazy things.
“Maddox.”
His cell rings before I can say anything else. I’m surprised when he answers it but not shocked when he says, “I need a few minutes to process this. I’ll meet you at the hotel. Don’t leave without me.” Maddox tosses the cell down.
“You shouldn’t do this alone,” I tell him.
“And she shouldn’t have to.”
“What about you?”
At that Maddox glances at me. “It was her fucking birthday yesterday, Bee. My mom hung herself on Laney’s birthday after making her life shitty for years. Laney never deserved any of it. She never could have stopped all of the stuff that happened.”
Crossing my arms, I turn in the seat, fighting the urge to reach for him, to touch him, to soothe him. “You don’t deserve it either and you also couldn’t have stopped it.”
His jaw tightens and he doesn’t turn to look at me, doesn’t even reply.
My heart hurts because he’s shutting me out when he usually lets me in. Looking at him, I realize that’s what I want. He’s trusted me, and he let me come here with him. It’s scary—that part of me that wants him to continue to let me in. For it to go farther so I know even more about him. The fact that we’re here together speaks volumes for what we have become.
When we pull into a parking spot at the morgue, I push the door open and step out. I don’t make it more than a couple steps when Maddox’s hand grabs on to me. There’s not a bone in my body that even slightly tries to pull away from him. In fact, I squeeze him tighter.
“I’m not trying to be a dick. I…”
Maddox’s jaw is still tight—that angry look that makes people want to back up—but his eyes are telling a different story. It’s those that make me pull out of his grasp and wrap my arms around his neck. “You’re not being a jerk and if you were, you’d have the right. You’re taking care of your family. You’re doing something I never could.”
His hands fist in my sweatshirt, gripping me tightly to him. It feels as though he’d climb inside me if he could and I let myself revel in that.
“Thank you.” Maddox’s voice is low in my ear.
“No problem. Whatever you need. I’m… I’m here. If you want to talk or anything.”
At that he pulls away. “I’m fine. I…” He slides his hand around to the back of my neck. “I’m glad you’re here.”
My heart free-falls over the edge of a cliff. When I open my mouth to reply, no words come out. Maddox leans forward and kisses my forehead again. It’s the second time he’s done it and I feel it all the way to my toes. Instead of finding words, I grab his hand. It’s the best way I can think of to tell him I’m here for him. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be enough.
Chapter Twenty-Six ~Maddox~
Peaceful. That’s the first word that comes to mind as I look at Mom’s cold, empty body. For the first time in years, she looks peaceful. As fucked up as it sounds, I almost envy her for that. I hate what she did, hate it so fucking much that there’s this crippling ache in my chest. I hate how she treated Laney. Hate that she still loved my bastard dad. That she loved me, but there’s a part of me that is glad she found peace.
When my hand twitches with the urge to reach out and touch her, I squeeze Bee’s hand tighter, so fucking glad that she’s here. I need her at my side.
“Yeah… yeah, it’s her.”
The gray-haired man standing across from us nods. “I’ll give you a few minutes alone with her.”
Fuck that. I don’t want it, plays through my head, but the words don’t come out. He walks away, followed by the quiet click of a door closing behind him. There’s a sting in my eyes that I ignore. I haven’t cried since I was a kid and I don’t plan to start now. I hate myself for wanting to cry over her after the way she treated Laney. Still… when I look at her, I see my mom. The woman who used to play with us and laugh with us until my father betrayed her. Until I helped him do it.
I tense when Bee’s arm goes around me and she leans into my side. “I’m sorry, Scratch. So damn sorry.”
My lips don’t move but the urge to smile slips through me. Hearing her call me Scratch somehow helps. It feels normal when everything else is so fucked up.
“Me too.” That sting starts again, making me back up. Bee is right beside me as I turn to go from the room.
“You can stay. I can go out if you want to say good-bye.”
Good-bye… How do I say it to someone I both hate and love? To someone who hurt me and hurt people I care about but only because I’m the one who let her get hurt?
“I’m good.”
This is where my sister would try to get me to talk. Where she’d tell me it’s wrong and I should grieve and talk to her or whatever the hell else she thinks is important. Bee doesn’t say any of that, even though the words play in her eyes. She knows me and in this moment, that’s more important to me than anything ever has been.
We step out of the room and turn the corner, down the hall and then outside. The second we step out, I can’t stop myself from kissing her. From trying to tell her thanks in a way that is comfortable for both of us. She opens right up for me, letting my tongue stroke hers. It’s comforting and I don’t remember anyone ever making me feel like this. Fuck, I don’t remember wanting anyone to but then I think about the fact that my mom is dead inside that building. That she wrapped a rope around her neck and hung herself in her apartment and I’m standing out here being as selfish as I was when I kept Dad’s secret.
Pulling away from Bee, I say, “We should go.” The sun peeks through the clouds and sparkles off the piercing in her nose, reminding me of the ink I put in her back. I’m a part of her and fuck if I don’t like that.
It doesn’t take us long to get to the hotel where my sister got a room. Bee and I get our own before I text Laney to find out where she is. She sends a room number back to me, and even though I wish like hell I could turn around and walk right out of here, I head toward my sister. She needs me and I’ll be damned if I let her down again.
Adrian opens the room when we get there. There are two beds, Laney sitting on one and Colt and Cheyenne on the other.
“What’s up, man?” Colt nods at me. Adrian doesn’t say anything, just moves back to sit by my sister.
“I went to the morgue. Everything down there’s done. You don’t have to worry about it.” Except for paying for the services. He’d made sure to talk to me about that first thing.