Poseidon never forgave the Trojans and soon inflicted pain and grief on them. The upshot of this was that Laomedon's daughter, Hesione, had to be put on the slab and offered up as an appeasing sacrifice. She was rescued in the nick of time by Hercules; but Laomedon did him down, too, so a few years later Hercules returned, did in the King and gave Hesione as a birthday present to one of his pals. However, she managed to wheedle Hercules into sparing her favourite brother, Priam, and letting him succeed his father as King of Troy.
Priam and his Queen, Hecuba, had lots of children, the noblest among them being Hector and the handsomest Paris. But before she had Paris, Hecuba dreamed that she would give birth to a fire-brand. The soothsayer who was called in said that meant the child she was about to have would put paid to Troy; so the usual drill was followed. A slave was sent off with the newborn babe to leave it to die up on the mountain. But, of course, it didn't. These Kings never did swipe the kitty when playing games of one-upmanship against the Fates.
In the case of Paris, it was a lady bear who came along and suckled him, until he was found by some herdsmen and brought up by them. He made quite a name for himself, pinning back the ears of cattle thieves, and got hitched up to Oenone, the highly desirable nymph of the mountain; so he might have continued to live a quiet and very happy life, if only the Immortals had left him alone.
But no. One fine day, Hermes came zooming down out of the bright blue sky with the three goddesses in tow. Handing the golden apple to the flabbergasted Paris, he said: 'Look, feller, the Big Chief sent me to give you this, and tell you to pass it on to whichever of these—er—ladies that you think would make the best selling picture on the cover of a glossy magazine,' or words to that effect.
Of course, all three of the claimants simpered at him like mad. Then they introduced themselves and each of them tried to bribe him. Hera said: T am the Queen of Heaven. Give me the apple and I'll make you a great King with lots and lots of lolly.' Athene said: 'Fame brings more happiness than money. Give the apple to me, and you shall be acclaimed the wisest guy on earth.' Aphrodite said nothing. She just took off her clothes.
Paris shut his eyes, swallowed hard, then looked again. Handing Aphrodite the apple, he said: 'The fruit's yours, ma'am.'
She dished him out one of her sweetest smiles and said: 'You're a nice lad and if these other—er—ladies weren't present I'd have found it a pleasure to—er—help you with your education. But not to worry. I'lf fix things so that the most beautiful girl in the world will fall in love with you, and you can have her for keeps.' Then the four Immortals all winged it back to Olympus.
As the reader will, I am sure, agree, such an experience would prove somewhat unsettling for any young man. For some days Oenone must have wondered what had got into her handsome husband. Then he put on his best goatskin coat and, for the first time in his life, went down to the city.
It happened that his papa was about to hold some public games. Naturally he went in for them and, naturally, he won all the prizes. This created quite a stir, and one of his sisters, named Cassandra, went up and had a word with him. This wench had the gift of second sight, and at once declared him to be the infant sent out to die on Mount Ida. King Priam and his Queen were so delighted to find that they had such a splendid son that they seem to have forgotten all about the prophecy that he would prove the ruin of Troy. Paris was naturally as pleased as Punch to learn that he was really a royal Prince, and took to the life like a duck to water.
The thoughtful reader will not have forgotten that, when Hercules had given King Laomedon the works, he had more or less white-slaved Priam's sister Hesione. Somewhat belatedly, Priam appears to have remembered her. As Paris had, in no time, made the grade as a general in the Trojan Army, his papa mustered a great fleet and sent him off to Greece to rescue his aunt.
Unfortunately for all concerned, instead of getting on with the job he had been given Paris turned aside to say 'hello' to Menelaus, the King of Sparta. Helen was the King's wife and, as Aphrodite thought her the most beautiful girl in the world, the moment her husband introduced Paris to her the fat was in the fire.
That Helen really was a sort of mortal edition of Aphrodite there can't be much doubt. Of course, she had very exceptional parents. As most people know, Zeus thought Leda so beautiful that to have a few minutes' conversation with her he turned himself into a swan. That night she had the same sort of conversation with her husband, King Tyndareus, and all this chat resulted in her giving birth to two babies and two eggs. The babies were Castor and Clytemnestra, and out of the eggs came Pollux and Helen.
But quite apart from Helen being out of the very top drawer, she was already such a poppet when only ten years old that the hero Theseus could not resist the temptation to abduct her from her parents. Her brothers, Castor and Pollux, hurried after him and got her back, but naturally this titbit of gossip went all round Greece. The result was that chaps from all over the place came to Tyndareus's palace out of curiosity, just to take a look at this budding Venus. The moment they set eyes on her, they all agreed that they could think of far better ways for her to spend her time than studying to pass her Eleven-Pius.
In fact, so many princes went absolutely potty over her that her step-father, old Tyndareus, saw that, unless he did something about it, she was going to be the cause of a whole packet of trouble. He did his best to solve the problem by getting all these young Lotharios together and saying to them:
'Listen, boys. I want my little Helen to have a happy marriage and enjoy her life; but she won't stand an earthly as long as you are set on cutting one another's throats to get her. Whoever I give her to will find a ticket for Hades under his pillow before the honeymoon is over, and before he is a fortnight older the chap who carries her off will be done in by another of you. To be hauled willy-nilly into a whole succession of beds is no life for a girl. What is more, the papas of those of you who get bumped off are certain to take it badly; so, before we know where we are, there will be half a dozen wars ravaging Greece to avenge the "goners".
'Now, to prevent such a slaughter, what I suggest is that when I have decided to which of you I will give Helen, the rest of you should take a solemn oath not only to refrain from any attempt to take her away from the lucky guy but also, should anyone do so, to combine in a war against him until you have got her back for her husband.'
The Princes saw the sense in this; so when Menelaus was chosen as the lucky lad, they all swore to get together and come down like a ton of bricks on any Dirty Dick who tried to take Helen from him. That is why, when she ran away with Paris, pretty well every warrior in Greece started yelling for his field-boots and feathered hat and went chasing after them.
But I've got a bit ahead of my story. When Paris stopped off at Sparta, Menelaus put out the red carpet for him and for a week or two a good time was had by all. Then, as Paris showed no sign of packing his grip and Menelaus had a job to do up-country, he rashly left his wife to entertain their guest. By this time they were batty about one another, so Paris found no reason at all to complain to the management. Since Aphrodite had decreed that Helen should fall for Paris, I don't feel that she was to blame; but he behaved like a most frightful cad. When Menelaus got home, he found that not only had his guest run away with his wife but that he and his Trojans had looted the palace and made off with the whole vast treasure of Sparta.