“Remember, if you need me, call me,” Dr. P. admonishes before leaving the room.
“You can get dressed now,” the nurse says before following him out the door to give us some privacy.
“Can you hand me my top?” I ask Eric, not wanting to start an argument until we get out of here.
Eric immediately starts in on me. “Ivy, I think we should schedule that procedure before we leave.”
“Eric, didn’t you hear the man? He said to take some time and think it over. We don’t have to jump to any rash decisions,” I respond, sticking my head through the collar before hopping down off the exam table.
“I’m not playing Russian roulette with your life,” he insists, bending down to help me, but I swat him away.
“You’re not,” I reply, getting angry. “Everything’s fine. For now, the baby’s fine.”
“Yeah, for now,” he huffs.
“We’re not having this discussion here, okay?” I slip a foot into one of my Ugg boots, holding on to his arm as I pull it on.
“But we are having it.” He’s determined to get the last word, so I let him. He may think he’s won the battle, but no way in hell is he winning the war. He can badger me all he wants. Unless the placenta ruptures, I’m going to hold on to this baby for as long as I possibly can. I owe it to the kid after starting it off on such a bad note. I don’t think I’ll drink alcohol again for the rest of my life, as long as this baby survives.
“Please don’t turn this into a day I’d rather forget.” I reach for his hand, placing it between mine. “Eric, we just saw our baby for the first time and heard its heartbeat. It was such a magical moment. Nothing should ruin that for us.”
He gazes deeply into my eyes before raising his head to look out the window. It’s like he’s trying to decide what to do. He’s conflicted, but I know what I want, and I’m not going to deviate from it. He’s just going to have to trust me.
“Let’s go home, okay?” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. He shaved this morning and his skin is soft. I let my lips linger, thinking back to the day I shaved him. I’d readily give him anything, but not this.
We created this baby together, and we’re going to see it through to the end—whenever that may be.
Chapter Twenty
Eric
I was planning on driving Ivy out to the Hideaway Cliffs after her doctor’s appointment, but Dr. P. axed that idea.
I thought it’d be the perfect way to celebrate hearing our baby's heartbeat for the first time. I was hoping for the best, but the news we received isn’t good. Ivy could die at any time. And I’m not about to sit back on my heels and wait for that to happen. I need to take action. Sometimes even the best intentions require a change in plan.
My mom advised me to take my time and make my proposal to Ivy special. But that was before. Things are different now. We don’t know how much time we have left together. It could be decades. It could be days.
I have my grandmother’s ring in my pocket. I almost whipped it out in the exam room but thought better of it. I’ve been carrying it around with me since I boarded the plane to L.A. I’ve been waiting for just the right moment, but it just hasn’t presented itself. I’m so ready to pull the trigger and make her my wife that I almost didn’t care that we were surrounded by posters depicting the proper way to conduct a breast self-exam.
I glance over at Ivy, and she’s staring absently through the truck window at the snow flurries filling the air. Her hands are on her belly. I noticed she’s been doing this more and more, as if to protect the life growing inside her that’s threatening to extinguish her own.
“Are you hungry?” I ask, and she looks over at me, a smile forming in the corners of her mouth.
“Actually, I’m starving,” she proclaims, causing me to chuckle.
“I’m glad to see that you’re getting your appetite back.” I exit the parking lot and merge into traffic. “Why don’t we get some McDonald’s and enjoy the first snowfall together?”
“You had me at McDonald’s,” she jokes.
It’s just down the block, so it’s not long before we’re at the drive-thru. I don’t even have to ask what she wants. I already know. Not a big fan of the cafeteria meal plan, she told me this place was her addiction in college. She grew up on Happy Meals since her mother was usually too lazy or too loaded to cook. I learned early on in our relationship that fast food is a source of comfort for her. I don’t know how she’s not three hundred pounds after eating so much of it, but I’m willing to grant her this one indulgence. Even if she can’t cook worth a damn, she sure knows how to feed my hunger in ways that are a lot more satisfying.
“Welcome to McDonald’s. Would you like to try our new chocolate chip frappé today?” the automated voice regurgitates through the speaker. I give Ivy a tortured look and she starts to laugh. We never want what they want us to try.
“No thanks,” I reply as the snow begins to accumulate on the side-view mirror.
A fully human voice crackles on the other end. “How can I help you?”
“I’d like two number one Extra Value Meals,” I reply, already anticipating the next question.
“What size?”
“Medium.”
“And what would you like to drink?”
“Two chocolate shakes.”
“Will that be all?”
“Yep.”
“Your total is $12.06. First window, please.”
I reach into my back pocket for my wallet before turning the corner. I only have a few crumpled ones. I’ll have to use my credit card. I hate to charge little things like this because they tend to add up in hurry, but I used all my cash for the $100 co-pay on Ivy’s office visit. In my head, I rapidly do the math. If the baby makes it to twenty-two weeks, that’s an additional $1,400 I’m going to have to come up with for the weekly doctor visits. Thank God she finally reached the deductible on her insurance plan and I didn’t have to pay for today’s ultrasound. The fall attractions at the garden center were a success, but I still have to make payments on the loan, plus utilities, groceries, gas, and so on. Things are going to be tough until spring. We’ll just have to hold on and tighten our belts. It sucks having to live on such a strict budget, but there’s no other way with all these added medical bills. I try to ignore the dollar signs racking up in my head as I hand over my credit card to pay for the food.
Ivy’s taking it all in, but she’s not saying anything. She knows money’s tight. She hates being reminded that she can’t contribute, but I don’t mind providing for her. I just wish I had more to offer except a mountain of debt and a cabin without central heat. She’s going to be spending a lot of time inside. I’ll have to look into getting some space heaters for the bedroom. The fireplace downstairs isn’t going to cut it.
I hand Ivy the two shakes to keep her occupied as I slide something into the bottom of the bag while it’s on my lap. She’s sticking the straws through the lids as I pull into the first available parking spot and keep the engine running. It’s too cold not to. I reach for my drink and place it between my legs as she starts opening the bag, propping the containers of fries on the dash. The only thing to look at is the used car dealership across the street, so I don’t care if the windshield gets covered with snow. It’s kind of depressing actually.
I wait as she passes me my Big Mac and rummages through the bag for her own. Until she gasps, drawing out a tiny black box. “Eric, what is this?”
It’s definitely not how I envisioned it happening, but if I can’t drive her out to the Hideaway Cliffs then I’m not about to wait a second longer.