The hippie and the scout slept together like siblings. They hadn’t done it since that time in the desert, probably because now they were even more shell-shocked and self-conscious. They never referred to their post-ER Morongo moment; it was clear they’d copulated as a reptilian reaction to death, a fairly common occurrence from what Chess had heard. People came back from war zones or funerals or what have you and their animal instincts kicked in. In the face of death, the species shouted (or grunted): breed.
LAXMI was stoned. She sat on the couch tearfully watching The Jungle Book for about the hundredth time.
The vultures were singing, “We never met an animal we didn’t like.” The couple stared at the screen very seriously before beginning to laugh, and they didn’t stop for 5 whole minutes. Laxmi started playing the McDonald’s What’s-A-Fruit-Buzz game. “What’s a fruit buzz?” she asked piquantly. “It makes me feel better than knowing my ex boyfriend is still single! It’s that feeling you get when everything’s 60 % off!” Chess retorted: “What’s a fruit buzz? It’s like snorting coke off a choirboy’s cock! It’s like doing meth and coming on a fat chick’s tits in Bakersfield while her army brats watch cartoons in the same room — and her husband’s getting triple-amputated in Tikrit! It’s like puking in Maya Angelou’s mouth! It’s like having diarrhea during sex—”
“With Maya Angelou?”
“—but you keep on truckin!”
They howled and did bong hits and ate Trader Joe’s chicken dumplings and watched more of The Jungle Book.
Then Chess had an epiphany.
He went to the bedroom and called Remar DeConcini.
“Remar! It’s Chess Herlihy.”
“Hullo, Chester!”
“Listen. Um, I know you’re not going to like this — but I think I want to settle out.”
“Whoa! You’re right. I don’t like it. What’s goin on, bro?”
“I don’t know. I guess, it’s just — I’ve seen what lawsuits do to people, man.”
“So have I, bro! I’ve seen lawsuits make people extremely rich. Dude, what have y’all been smoking?” Remar sounded a little fruit-buzzed himself. “Are y’all up in the trees?”
“Listen. Lawsuits create…shitty karma. I mean, I’m starting to feel like it’s controlling me, not like I’m controlling it.”
“And here I was thinking your life was being controlled by the pain you’ve suffered because of your injuries. You’ve got to chill, Chester. This is the pain talking. Sometimes it’s your worst enemy.”
“I just don’t know if I want to spend the next 3 years of my life on hold.”
“1st of all, Chess, it’s not gonna be 3 years. OK? There’s just no way it’s going to go on that long. No way. 2nd of all, your life does not have to be on hold. Because that way, they win. Understand what I’m saying, Chess? You go on with your life. Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart — remember the song? You’ll never walk alone? Well you better fucking believe you won’t be walking alone, you’re gonna be walking along, with a satchel full of cash! 3rdly, this is a perfect jury case, we’ve talked about that. There is simply no way you are not going be awarded with something in the 6 figures. Maybe 7. I’m thinking 7. And 4thly, you don’t need to be making a decision like this right now, aw-ite? Look. I know it can feel like this, like you’re in some twilight zone. And that’s normal. Everyone who was ever involved in a case, in my experience, no matter the merit, gets a bug up their ass and says, ‘I’m outta here.’ The higher the stakes, the more fucked up people get. Cause there’s a part of everyone who can see the armored truck coming with them sacks filled with cash and we get all, ‘I’m not worthy!’ So I totally get where you’re coming from. But what you don’t want to do is throw the baby out with the bathwater — my fear, Chester Herlihy, and I’ve been doing this a long-ass time so you gotta hear me, my fear is, if we move to settle, the bad guys are gonna smell that bathwater desperation and they’ll either stonewall us — now, they won’t succeed, but they’ll try, and they’ll eat up that precious time you were talking about — or lowball us. Stonewall or lowball. And believe me, that’s the game they like to play. And you deserve more than that.”
Chester sighed, thinking things over.
“You still with me?” laughed Remar. “Still on the line?”
“Yeah. And I hear you, Remar, I really do. And I appreciate it. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’m pretty sure it’s the way I want to go.”
“This isn’t about the girl, is it? Or anyone else? Have you been discussing the case with anyone, Chester?”
“No, man. It’s just about me.”
“Because that’s like poison. People’s opinions are like assholes, OK? You heard that one. But right now, I’m the only asshole you should be listening to.”
“I haven’t been talking to anyone.”
“Can we discuss this tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“OK, cool. Now get back up in the trees.”
Remar laughed again. Chess could hear music and the low sound of voices. A faraway laugh.
“But I really think I want to end this thing.”
“Listen. You’re not a young guy. You’re not old, my friend, but you’re not young. This is your life we’re talking about, your security. We’re talkin about you never having to work again, OK? Remember that? A little thing called getting up every day and working for a living? Well, that’s a pretty big deal. People usually don’t get this kind of opportunity handed to them on a silver tray. Aw-ite? They offered $50,000. A fuckin insult! But we try to settle out now, and I’m not so sure we’re gonna get much more. And my friend, that would be tragic. Aw-ite? And remember, my fee is a 3rd. The doctors will have to be reimbursed. Even if you were covered, the health insurance folks would want to be made whole. So you’re cutting your nose to spite your face and why you’d want to cut your nose to spite your face at this point when everything is comin up roses and you’re about be crowned Miss Fucking America, I don’t know. Miss West Hollywood. Aw-ite? So think about it. This is your life, Chester Herlihy, not mine. I happen to have a very nice one and this particular case ain’t gonna rock my world one way or another. At the end of day, and the night, it’s your life. So think about it in those terms. Do you want to cash a check that may very well be negligible? Just to line your pockets with a little bit of green? Now when I say ‘little bit’ I mean little bit! Hell, what we’re talking about isn’t even enough for pockets, we’re talkin pock-ette! So do you want to line your pock-ette? Or do you want to play in the major leagues? Here’s another thing, Mr Herlihy: what if maybe next month, or next year, or 5 years down the line—what if you need some medical work to improve your quality of life? What if this thing—which is causing you a fair amount of pain, from what all you’ve told me, and has you rattlin those Vicodin bottles like a voodoo doctor — what if this thing, which don’t seem to be gettin any better, unless there’s something you’re not telling me — what if this thing comes back and bites you on the ass, hard, and you need surgery? So far (correct me if I’m wrong) so far I haven’t heard the doctors saying, ‘Oh, you’ll be fine! Thing’s going to heal itself.’ You know, nerve damage can be funny, Chess. Aw-ite? And I don’t mean ‘joke’ funny. Hard to test for. It’s important to have the resources to do something about it if it flares. So I want you to carefully consider. Or reconsider. I don’t want you left holding the bag. Because more than not, the bag will have shit in it.”