The day did nothing to improve my mood and it was in a most depressed state that I went finally to Clarissa's baroque apartment on one of the better streets and dined with her quietly, infecting her, I was darkly pleased to note, with my own grim mood. By the time Cave was announced on the vast television screen, I had reduced Clarissa, for one of the few times in our acquaintance, to silence.
Yet as the lights in the room mechanically dimmed, as the screen grew bright with color and an announcer came into focus, I was conscious of a quickening of my pulse, of a certain excitement. Here it was at last, the result of nearly a year's careful planning. Soon, in a matter of minutes, we would know.
To my surprise Paul Himmell was introduced by the announcer who identified him perfunctorily, saying that the following half hour had been bought by Cavite, Inc.
Paul spoke briefly, earnestly. He was nervous, I could see, and his eyes moved from left to right disconcertingly as he read his introduction from cards out of view of the camera. He described Cave briefly as a teacher, as a highly regarded figure in the West. He implied it was as a public service, the rarest of philantrophies, that a group of industrialists and businessmen were sponsoring Cave this evening.
Then Paul walked out of range of the camera leaving, briefly, a view of a chair and a table behind which a handsome blue velvet curtain fell in rich graceful folds from the invisible ceiling to an imitation marble floor. An instant later, Cave walked into view.
Both Clarissa and I leaned forward in our chairs tensely, eagerly, anxiously: we were there as well as he. This was our moment too. My hands grew cold and my throat dry. Cave was equal to the moment. He looked talclass="underline" the scale of the table, the chair was exactly right. He wore a dark suit and a dark unfigured tie with a white shirt that gave him an austereness which, in person, he lacked. I saw Paul's stage-managing in this.
He moved easily into range, his eyes cast down. Not until he had placed himself in front of the table and the camera had squarely centered him, did he look up, look directly into the lens. Clarissa gasped and I felt suddenly pierced: the camera, the lights had magnified rather than diminished his power. It made no difference now what he said. The magic was working. Clarissa and I sat in the twilight of her drawing room, entirely concentrated on that vivid screen, on the dark figure upon rich blue, on the pale eyes and the hands which seldom moved. It was like some fascinating scene in a skillful play which, quite against one's wish and aesthetic judgment, pulled one to it, became, at least for that short time beyond real time, a part of one's own private drama of existence, all sharpened by artifice, by calculated magic.
Not until Cave was nearly finished did those first words of his, spoken so easily, so quietly, begin to come back to me as he repeated them in his coda. His voice increasing a little in volume, yet still not hurrying, not forcing, not breaking the mood which his first glance had created and which voice and eyes together maintained without once letting go. The burden of his words was, as always, the same. Yet this time it seemed more awesome, more final, undeniable… in short, the truth. Though I'd always accepted his first premise, I had never been much impressed by the ways he found of stating it, even though I always responded to his particular power. This night, before the camera and in the sight of millions, he perfected his singular art of communication and the world was his.
When he finished, Clarissa and I sat for a moment in complete silence, the chirping of a commercial the only sound in the room. At last she said: "The brandy is over there on the console. Get me some." Then she switched off the screen from her chair and the lights of the room brightened again.
"I feel dragged through a wringer," she said after her first mouthful of brandy.
"I had no idea it would work so well, like this, on television." I felt strangely empty, let down. There was hardly any doubt now of Cave's effectiveness yet I felt joyless and depleted, as though part of my life had gone, leaving an ache.
"What a time we're going to have." Clarissa was beginning to recover. "I'll bet there are a million letters by morning and Paul will be doing a jig."
"I hope this is the right thing, Clarissa. It would be terrible if it weren't."
"Of course it's right… whatever that means: if it works it's right… perfectly simple. Such conceptions are all a matter of fashion anyway. One year women expose only their ankle; the next year their derrière. What's right one year is wrong the next. If Cave captures the popular imagination, he'll be right until someone better comes along."
"A little cynical." But Clarissa was only repeating my own usual line. I was, or had been until that night on the Washington farm, a contented relativist. Cave, however, had jolted me into new ways and I was bewildered by the change, by the prospect ahead.
2
That evening was a time of triumph, at least for Cave's companions. They arrived noisily. Paul seemed drunk, manically exhilirated, while Iris glowed in a formal gown of green shot with gold. Two men accompanied them, one a doctor whose name I didn't catch at first and the other a man from the television network who looked wonderfully sleek and pleased and kept patting Cave on the arm every now and then, as if to assure himself he'd not vanished in smoke and fire. Cave, still dressed in his dark suit, was mute. He sat answering questions and replying to compliments with grave nods of his head. He sat in a high brocaded chair beside the fire and drank tea which Clarissa, knowing his habits, had ordered in advance for him.
After our first burst of greetings at the door I did not speak to Cave again and soon the others left him alone and talked around him, about him yet through him, as though he had become invisible… which seemed the case when he was not speaking, when those extraordinary eyes were veiled or cast down, as they were now, moodily studying the teacup, the pattern in the Aubusson rug at his feet.
I crossed the room to where Iris sat on the wide couch. The doctor, in the chair close to her, snuffled brandy and said, as I joined them: "Your little book, sir, is written in a complete ignorance of Jung and all those who have come after him."
This was sudden but I answered, as graciously as possible, that I had not intended a treatise on psychoanalysis. "Not the point, sir, if you'll excuse me… I am a psychiatrist, a friend of Mr Himmell's" (so this was the analyst to whom Paul so often referred) "and I think it impossible for anyone today to write about the big things without a complete understanding of post-Jungian development…"
Iris interrupted as politely as possible. "Doctor Stokharin is a zealot, Gene. You must listen to him but, first, did you see John tonight?"
"I did, here with Clarissa: he was remarkable, even more so than in person."
"It is the isolation," said Stokharin, nodding. Dandruff fell lightly like dry snow from his thick brows to his dark blue lapels. "The camera separates him from everyone else. He is projected like a dream into…"
"He was so afraid at first," said Iris, glancing across the room at the silent Cave who sat, very small and still in the brocaded chair, the teacup still balanced on one knee. "I've never seen him disturbed by anything before. They tried to get him to do a rehearsal but he refused. He can't do rehearsals… only the actual thing."
"Fear is natural when…" but Stokharin was in the presence of a master drawing-room tactician: Iris was, I saw at that moment, a born hostess. For all her ease and simplicity she was ruthlessly concerned with keeping order, establishing a rightness of tone which Doctor Stokharin, in his professional madness, would have completely undone, reducing the drawing room to a seminar in mental therapy, receiving public confessions judiciously, and generalizing to a captive audience. I admired Iris's firmness, her devotion to the civilized.