Janisette’s face crumpled into tears. Tan-Tan stalked out to the verandah, went round to the back verandah. Power thrummed through her so strong she could scarcely breathe. She had never stood up to Janisette like that before! Is the last time she would let Janisette shame her like that. Oh yes, Tan-Tan thought. I big woman now, sixteen tomorrow. She go have to leave me alone.
She heard the front door slam, and the tinkle of Janisette’s gold ankle bracelets going away up the walk. She must be going to weep on Glorianna neck. Good for she.
She sat there on the back porch, legs swinging through the railings, taking in the afternoon sun and thinking about how she go talk plain around Janisette from now on. Pride? I have every right to be proud. I speak my mind.
Shame? You have every right to be shame. No better than your mother.
She ignored the silent voice.
Someone was coming round to the back house, whistling. It was Melonhead’s favourite tune. Tan-Tan smiled, craned her neck. There he was, wearing as ever a much-mended pair of khaki shorts and a holey singlet. Dust powdered his bare feet to the ankle.
“Girl, is what you do Janisette, eh? I just pass she fleeing up the walk sobbing with she whole head bury in a kerchief.” The dreads on his big round melon head bobbed with his stride. Tendons flexed in his bandy thighs as he walked. His broad smile was full of fun.
Tan-Tan chuckled. “But eh-eh. Ain’t she is big woman and me only pickney? What I could do she?”
He leaned against the banister beside her, picked a windblown leaf out of her hair. “Not no pickney no more. Full adult come tomorrow. You bags pack?”
Tan-Tan got serious. “No. Later.”
Melonhead frowned. “You tell them yet that you leaving?”
“No. Don’t talk so loud, Daddy somewhere round the place.” Tan-Tan rubbed her arms. Sun had gone behind a cloud. “I done tell you already, I just want to leave quiet-quiet tomorrow night. Daddy and Janisette go be bassourdie with liquor and the two of them going to be asleep. Let them wake up next morning and find we gone, nuh?”
Melonhead sighed, cocked a foot up onto the verandah floor. His legs were really too short to do that gracefully. Tan-Tan absent-mindedly brushed some dust off the knobby knee he presented. Melonhead said, “Girl, talk sense. How we going leave at night, eh? Is bush we go be walking through. You want ground puppy chew up we tail? You want grit fly to suck we eyeball-them dry?”
“It have trails to Sweet Pone.”
“And bush all round. You have a water jug to carry?”
“I can’t share yours?”
“What food you taking? You have dry bouilli beef and buju and congo peas and thing?”
“Some,” she said quietly. “I thief little piece from Janisette.”
“You have pot to cook in, and firestick?”
“I have a knife,” she said, indicating the sheath at her waist.
“And what? You going to catch wild boar with that and your bare hand? How you going eat? How you going sleep? Come to that, you have tent and bedroll?”
“I thought I could share your—”
“Nanny give me strength! Tan-Tan, you is big woman or you is pickney still? These is the same questions I been asking you for two months now, and still you ain’t prepare. Like you ain’t really want to go, or what?”
“Sshh!” Tan-Tan hissed. “Daddy go hear you!” Melonhead scowled at her, ran a hand through his hair. He always did that when he was upset. She tried to explain: “I just want to do this quiet, get away quick before they know.”
“When you going to stop hiding from them?” he asked. Hesitated. Then softly: “I know them does beat you.”
The flurry-fear of panic rose in her throat like wings beating. Hush it, mock it, make it small. She cackled, “Melonhead, is what that big head of yours working overtime on in truth? I get two-three little slap when I was pickney, same like you. Not for years now, man.” She made a dismissive gesture with her hand, looked away from the hurt in Melonhead’s eyes.
“Tan-Tan, don’t make mako ’pon me, I not going let it confuse me. You frighten of Antonio and Janisette and you frighten to leave. I could see it, I know you too good.”
Tan-Tan could only stare at him.
“You want me to tell them for you?”
“No! Don’t say nothing!”
“I serious, girl. Then me and Daddy could help you get ready, if your family not going to do it.” His look softened in a way she’d never seen before on Melonhead’s jovial, easy-going face. He said awkwardly, “I, ahm… Nanny hear me, Tan-Tan; I would do anything for you.”
“What?” The first “huh” of a laugh fell from her lips. Then she looked into his eyes, felt wonder rearrange her features. “What?” she breathed, scared to death of the answer.
He looked embarrassed, backed away a little. “Look, never mind. I go come back later, all right?” With hurried, awkward steps he started away.
“Stay, Melonhead.” He stopped, kept his back to her, looked down at the ground.
“Is what you saying?” Tan-Tan asked.
He returned slowly, still not looking at her. “You go laugh.”
“I ever laugh after you yet? Tell me.”
“I… so long I want to tell you, to ask you…” He took her hand, Melonhead took her hand, played nervously with one of the beads of her bracelet. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You think you might ever want to partner with me?”
“Me?” The sound could have been a sob. She pulled her hand away from him. “Why you want me?”
“You and me does walk good together, talk good together. Me nah want that for stop, ever. You don’t like me, Tan-Tan?”
This was not her friend Melonhead, this was a new creature standing in front of her. “I never think—”
He rushed to cut her words off: “I know we never talk about it before, I know you got plenty next boyfriend, I know my face favour jackass a-peep through tear knickers…”
A giggle bubbled to Tan-Tan’s lips. “Don’t say so! You not ugly!”
Melonhead’s eyes searched her face. He smiled uncertainly. And waited. He always knew when to wait, just let her talk, or think. This wasn’t a new Melonhead, she was just seeing him differently. He had always looked out for her. He cared for her. Who could care for mud in the street, whispered bad silent Tan-Tan, but for the first time in years the voice didn’t wound, didn’t matter. “When we would do it?” she dared to ask quietly.
Hope made Melonhead incandescent. “The ritual? Before we leave, so everybody could come.”
“No. Not here. In a new place, with new people. Please, Melonhead, not here. When we settle in Sweet Pone we could send for your father to come and have it with him there. In we own house.” We own house; was it her saying those words?
He smiled. “All right, if is so you want it.”
“And what about…”
He was suddenly cheerful. “All the thousand and one boyfriend-them, you mean? We could be freehand partners, sweetness.” He looked away shyly, her too, startled by the endearment.
Such a simple solution. He didn’t scorn her, didn’t call her names, wouldn’t punish her. Bad silent Tan-Tan made unhappy sounds. She would consider that later. Gravely she said to Melonhead, “Let we do it.” She could scarcely breathe for joy. Melonhead stepped closer to her, his hands warm on her knees. His breath smelled of cloves and sweetleaf. She leaned forward to touch her lips to his.
Crash! Shards of glass showered down over her and Melonhead. Jumping up, she saw Antonio holding a broken-off rum bottle neck in his hand. Antonio jabbed at Melonhead who leapt back.