“No, no, Compère, I could pay,” she said, fumbling with the knot in her apron. “I have gold.”
“Real, or gold wash? Make I see,” he ordered, bending over the bar to see better in the gloom.
Yes, just so. Lean just a little closer. She fumbled with the knot a little more, chatting the whole time like she was trying to cover up nervousness. “I ain’t too like coming out in the dark, oui, but my woman tell me say I must bring she pimiento liqueur tonight, only she forget to give me any money, you know, so is a good thing I have this gold ring my mother give me…”
She untied the knot and started to open the folds of cloth. The shop owner stretched his neck quite over the edge of the bar trying to see what she had in there. I have you now, you son of a bitch. Tan-Tan grabbed his collar, jammed his head against the bar. Her machète was out and against his neck before he knew what had happened to him. A man cried out and made a move towards her.
“No! Anybody even self blink, I cut he.”
Two people were sneaking up on her. She could hear them. They would never survive in the bush. Tan-Tan said, “This man been cheating oonuh, you know.” The footsteps behind her stopped.
“Cheating? How you mean?”
She chanced a quick look at them. “Is oonuh just order the pimiento liqueur?”
“Seen.”
“Him a-use water to weak it, and a-tell you is the strong he giving you.”
The people in the rum shop started one set of ssu-ssu, whispering to each other. “Cookie,” someone called out, “is true what she say?”
The shop owner started to curse. He surged up towards her and got a shallow slice on his neck back for his trouble. “Ow! Fucking leggobeast!”
Tan-Tan grinned to see the thin line of blood. This was what she needed, this desperate, sharp joy. She had the crowd’s attention now. She sang out to them, “Oonuh want to see if is true what I telling you, or is lie?”
“Yes, lady,” they responded gleefully. The two men behind her came up and held Cookie’s arms.
“Elroy!” he blustered. “Christopher! Is what the rass wrong with allyou? Let me go; hold she instead!”
“Never you mind that,” one of them replied. “Two years I been coming in here. If I find out you been cheating me from since…”
Tan-Tan warbled out, “Oonuh want to know the truth?”
“Yes, lady,” the crowd chanted.
“Oonuh want to be sure you getting the right goods for your rupees?”
“Yes, lady.”
“All right. Well, watch me then, nuh?”
At machète point, Tan-Tan walked the shop owner back into his own kitchen. His customers followed, squeezed tight-tight into the kitchen to see sport. Tan-Tan pointed with her chin: “Koo the strong liqueur there.” She turned to the two men who were holding Cookie. “Where the one he give allyou?”
“I go get it!” someone said. The mugs were brought into the kitchen. There were still some dregs in them.
“All right. One of you two; ladle out a taste from the barrel.”
“No!” said Cookie. “If too many mouths touch it, it going sour!”
“Don’t fret,” she said. “More time, it won’t have none left to sour.”
One of the men ladled himself a good taste from the barrel, then took a swig from the mug Cookie had brought him. “Pah!” He spat it right into Cookie’s face. “Piss water.” Unable to use his arms, Cookie blinked and blinked to get the burning alcohol out of his eyes.
“So you really been cheating we, Joseph,” said an old woman. “When I think how I does work hard all day,” she addressed the crowd, “and I come in here nearly every evening and give Joseph my money to ease some of my sorrows, and this is how he do me. Joseph, man, you make my heart hurt too bad.”
The shop owner didn’t reply.
“Too right,” a next somebody say. “What a way the man is a swindler, ee? What you going to do, lady?”
“This.” At machète point, Tan-Tan made shop owner Joseph drink from the bucket of water.
“Drink, you cheating swine, drink it all down. Drink down your swindlement, drink down your defraudation. Swallow, now! And again!” All the customers cheered as they watched him struggling to gulp until he’d drunk all the water. But Tan-Tan ain’t done yet. “Nah, man, like you slowing down. I know you have enough water in this kitchen to last you a full day. Yes, here so.” The barrel stood as high as her hip. “Fill your bucket. Now drink again. Drink, I say.” Looking slightly green, Joseph put the bucket to his head. “Drink a swallow for every one of these populace you defraud. Swallow, don’t spill none! Drink three times more for every member of this fine population who had was to choke down your thin, watery concoction and trade you them hard-earned goods for the favour.”
The barkeep started to cough back up the water, out of his nose and all, but Tan-Tan made him choke down another bucketful, and another. He fell to his knees, vomited copiously onto the floor, gouts of slimy liquid with the thready remnants of his supper floating in it. Few spared the time to laugh at him. They were too busy helping themselves to the pure, sweet stash of pimiento liqueur.
Cookie groaned, glared daggers at Tan-Tan from reddened eyes. She smiled sweetly back. “When them ask you is who bring about your ruination this day, tell them Tan-Tan the Robber Queen, the terror of the bad-minded. I come into this life further away from here than your imagination could stretch. I born behind God back, under a next sun. My mother was the queen of queens, and my father was she consort, and he bring me to this place in a mighty engine. The birds of the air raise me. The lizards in the trees feed me. Them teach me how to be invisible, man, so if you start watering your drinks again, you won’t see me, but I go know. Is Tan-Tan telling you.”
She ladled out a half gallon jug of the strong for herself. The rum shop patrons cheered. She turned to breeze out the shop. Al and his mother were standing together in a corner, watching her. Tan-Tan’s heart leapt like firecrackers, but they made no move to stop her. The hatred in Al’s mother’s face could have burned flesh off bone. Tan-Tan didn’t care, she just laughed. She blew Al, clumsy, coward, stink, sweet Al, a kiss. He looked down, but it didn’t hide the bow of the smile forming on his face. Spirit singing, Tan-Tan strode out into the dark. Behind her she could hear the people fêting on Cookie’s good liquor, laughing and singing and making old-talk.
Abitefa was mad to know the story when Tan-Tan reached back to the bush. The two of them sat on the ground and Tan-Tan related the tale by the light of two kerosene lamps. “If you only see the shop owner, Abitefa! I sure he never going to feel thirsty in he life again, oui.”
With a flourish Tan-Tan unscrewed the cap from the liqueur. She put it to her mouth and spat it out again immediately. “Bloodcloth!” The smell, the taste was making her belly roil.
*What?* asked Abitefa.
“It spoil! How it could spoil between there and here?”
*Smell fine to me,* Abitefa said.
“You mad? You try it then.”
They poured the water out of Abitefa’s drinking calabash, replaced it with pimiento liqueur. Abitefa dipped her beak in it, tossed back her head to let the liquid roll down her throat. *Good. Like fruits, but better.*
To rass, what was she talking about? Tan-Tan sniffed the alcohol again, took a small taste of it. Still nasty. But the people in Chigger Bite had been drinking it fine-fine. They didn’t know strong from weak, but for sure they would have known spoiled from fresh, ain’t?
Is the baby, the monster baby that was round and hard now like a potato in her belly. Her two months’ pregnancy had changed her body chemistry so till alcohol tasted and smelled bad. Resentfully Tan-Tan dug her fingers into her stomach. The defiant thing inhabiting her didn’t yield. Her head pounded with anger. She could only drink what it let her, eat what it permitted. And strong? She was making the climb from the daddy tree in two-twos nowadays. Poopa, this thing inside her was keeping her strong and healthy like horse, a good horse to carry it.