Mindswap

'Then you are not a real ganzer?'

'No. I am a Swapper like yourself, and I come from Terra!'

'My home planet!' Marvin cried.

'I had guessed as much,' the ganzer replied. 'After a time one becomes sensitive to the idiosyncratic quality of differing minds, and learns to recognize one's countrymen through little tricks of thought and phraseology. I would guess that you are an American, probably from the East Coast, perhaps from Connecticut or Vermont-'

'New York State!' Marvin cried. 'I am from Stanhope!'

'And I am from Saranac Lake,' the ganzer said. 'My name is Otis Dagobert, and I am thirty-seven years old.'

And with that, the ganzer lifted his paw from Marvin's chest. 'We are neighbours,' he said quietly. 'And so I cannot kill you, just as I am reasonably sure you would be unable to kill me, had you the opportunity. And now that we know the truth, I doubt if we will be able to perform any portion of our terrible jobs. But that is a sad thing to find out, for it means that we are doomed to Contractual Discipline; and then if we do not obey, our Companies will give us Extreme Severance. And you know what that means.'

Marvin nodded sadly. He knew all too well. His head drooped, and he sat in disconsolate silence beside his newly found friend.

'I can think of no way out,' Marvin said, after giving the matter some thought. 'Perhaps we could hide in the forest for a few days; but they would be sure to find us.'

Suddenly, the ganzer egg spoke up. 'Come now, perhaps it isn't as hopeless as you think!'

'What do you mean?'Marvin asked.

'Well now,' the ganzer egg said, dimpling with pleasure, 'it seems to me that one good turn deserves another. I could get into plenty of hot water for this … But to hell with that. I think I can find a way off this planet for both of you.'

Both Marvin and Otis broke into exclamations of gratitude; but the ganzer egg stopped them at once.

'Maybe you won't thank me when you see what lies ahead,' he said ominously.

'Nothing could be worse than this,' Otis said.

'You'd be surprised,' the ganzer egg said flatly. 'You might be very surprised … This way, gentlemen.'

'But where are we going?' Marvin asked.

'I'm taking you to meet the Hermit,' the ganzer egg replied, and would say no more. He rolled purposefully away, and Marvin and Otis followed.

Chapter 13

Through the rain forest wild and free of Ganzer (or Melde, depending upon your point of view), they marched and rolled, ever alert for danger. But no creature menaced them, and they came at last to a clearing in the forest. They saw a rude hut in the centre of that clearing, and a humanoform creature dressed all in rags, squatting in front of the hut.

'That is the Hermit,' said the ganzer egg. 'He's quite insane.'

The two Terrans had no time in which to consider that information. The Hermit arose and cried, 'Now stand, hold, halt! Reveal yourselves to my understanding!'

'I'm Marvin Flynn,' Marvin said, 'and this is my friend Otis Dagobert. We want to escape from this planet.'

The Hermit didn't seem to hear them; he stroked his long beard and gazed thoughtfully at the treetops. In low, sombre tones, he said:

'Ere this moment came, a flight of geese
Passed low o'erhead, presaging woe;
The refuge and disconsolate owl did pass
This hid'n' place of mine, bereft
Of that which nature freely gives but man denies!
The stars are silent when they light our home:
The trees themselves proclaim the flight of kings.'

'He means,' the ganzer egg said, 'that he had a feeling you'd be coming this way.'

'Is he crazy or something?' Otis asked. 'The way he talks-'

'Now rede me this! I'll have no plattering roth
To creep between the interstices of a mind
Proclaiming treason.'

The Hermit said.

'He doesn't want you to whisper to each other.' the ganzer egg translated. 'It makes him suspicious.'

'I could figure that much out for myself,' Flynn said.

'So go screw yourself.' the ganzer egg said. 'I was just trying to be helpful.'

The Hermit advanced several paces, halted, and said:

'What wot ye here aroon?'

Marvin looked at the ganzer egg, who remained obstinately silent. So, guessing at the meaning of the words, Marvin said, 'Sir, we are trying to escape from this planet, and we have come to you for help.'

The Hermit shook his head and said:

'What barbrous tongue is this? A thick-mouthed sheep
Would clothe his meaning in a sound more clear!'

'What does he mean?'Marvin asked.

'You're so smart, figure it out for yourself,' the ganzer egg said.

'I'm sorry if I insulted you.' Marvin said.

'Forget it, forget it.'

'I really am sorry. I'd appreciate it if you'd translate for us.'

'All right,' the ganzer egg said, still a little sulkily. 'He says he doesn't understand you.'

'He doesn't? But what I said to him was clear enough.'

'Not to him,' the ganzer egg said. 'You want to reach him, you'd better put it in metre.'

'Me? I couldn't!' Marvin said, with that instinctual shudder of revulsion which all intelligent Terran males feel at the though of verse. 'I simply couldn't! Otis, maybe you-'

'Not me!' Otis said, alarmed. 'What do you think I am? A fag?'

'A silence swells and grows; yet honest men
Speak bold, with well-formed mouth! Melikes it not
What this development portends.'

'He's getting edgy,' the ganzer egg said. 'You better have a shot at it.'

'Perhaps you could do it for us,' Otis suggested.

'I'm no fag,' the ganzer egg sneered. 'If you want to speak, you'll have to speak for yourselves.'

'The only poem I can remember from school is the Rubá'iyát,' Marvin said.

'Well, go to it,' the ganzer egg said.

Marvin thought, twitched, and nervously said:

'Behold! A pilgrim from the forest war
Of race 'gainst race, does humbly implore
Your aid and sustenance, and help and hope.
Can you this humble earnest plea ignore?'

'Very shaky,' whispered the ganzer egg. 'But not bad for a first attempt.' (Otis was giggling, and Marvin clouted him with his tail.)

The Hermit replied:

'Well spoken, stranger! You shall have this aid.
Nay, more! For when men meet, despite their divers forms,
They needs must succor each one to his own.'

More quickly now, Marvin replied:

'I hoped, in this ancient planetoid with dreams displayed
Of sunrise splendors, sunsets disarrayed,
That one poor pilgrim who did pass this way
Might find escape from terrors he surveyed.'

The Hermit said:

'Step forward then, my friend, my liege, my lord,
For all men are consistent to that state
Which life shall bring to them; the veriest slave
May some day be the king of yonder peer,
While this man here, this enemy by rote
Of graven custom, shall at hand
Be cup companion, if his speech be known!'

Marvin stepped forward, saying:

'Much thanks! Your doorway to the stars
Fits wise man and fool; yet still it bars
The Mute, who through his foolish tongue unused
Won't even get one half the way to Mars.'

Otis, who had been restraining his giggles through all this, now said: 'Hey! Were you saying something about me?'

'I certainly was,' Marvin said. 'You'd better start versifying if you want to get out of here.'

'Well, rats, you're doing it for both of us.'

'Nope. The Hermit just said you have to speak for yourself.'

'My God, what'll I do? Otis muttered. 'I don't know any poetry.'

'You better think of something,' the ganzer egg said.

'Well … all I can remember is a little Swinburne which some goopey girl talked to me once. It's pretty stupid stuff.'