Or at least you tried to be. And for a while, you almost had everyone fooled.
The perfect mother, the perfect wife.
Hiding here, inside your oh-so-perfect life.
Only you never fooled me.
I know exactly who you are. And others will too, soon. Because the cracks are starting to show, Rebecca, and you’re falling down them. Sinking into the deep, dark abyss, never to be seen again.
Chapter Fifteen
‘So, are you going to tell me what’s going on? Because you didn’t sound yourself on the phone earlier,’ Lisa says as she pours out two glasses of wine for herself and Rebecca, now that Rebecca has managed to settle Ella upstairs in her cot for the evening.
Rebecca sounded upset on the phone, so Lisa turned up armed with a bottle of wine and now that she was here, she figured Rebecca could definitely do with a drink.
‘I don’t even know where to start with it all, Lisa. This is going to sound crazy…’ Rebecca says, gearing herself up to explain, glad that Lisa agreed to come over tonight and keep her company while Jamie was at a late-night meeting.
Suspicious that he was really meeting with Jenna, she needed the company and the distraction, because the truth was she still felt shaken up by the events of the other day.
‘Something happened the other day, when I met you at the coffee shop…’ she starts and watches Lisa move the glass from her lips mid sip, immediately picking up on the seriousness of Rebecca’s tone.
‘What do you mean “something happened”? Are you okay?’
Rebecca nods. ‘I’m fine. I just got a scare. I think I was followed,’ Rebecca says knowing that Lisa won’t be happy that she kept this from her, but she hadn’t wanted to bring that up too, when there had been so much else going on.
And really, what was there to tell?
‘And before you say it, the only reason I didn’t tell you sooner was because I wasn’t really sure. I didn’t actually see anyone. It was more of a feeling.’ She takes a deep breath and shrugs. ‘But then, the other day, I went to see Jamie at his office, to talk, like you suggested. And to cut a very long story short, it didn’t go very well. We had a row and I ended up walking home with Ella. I cut through the park and it was raining heavily. And I could hear someone walking close behind me. So close that I actually stopped to let them pass, only they pushed me and sent me flying to the ground.’
‘What the actual fuck…?’ Lisa started, unable to hide the alarm in her voice at her friend’s confession, before falling silent again and allowing Rebecca to continue. ‘You were assaulted?’
‘Or maybe I fell? Shit, I don’t really know. I know that sounds crazy, trust me, I’m well aware. But it all happened so fast. But this man, he just kept walking, as if it hadn’t happened, or as if he hadn’t seen me. It was bizarre. So maybe he didn’t mean to charge past me, maybe he didn’t realise I fell?’ Rebecca bit her lip, wondering whether to bite back her next words, but she could tell by Lisa’s stern expression that she wasn’t going to be able to hold anything back. She needed to tell her the truth.
‘I’ve felt it a few times now. That someone’s watching me, that they’re following me. But every time I look, there’s no one there. It’s more of a feeling… as mad as that sounds.’
‘Becks, I can’t believe you kept this from me. I don’t care how busy I am, I’m never too busy to not be there for you. This is serious. Someone’s following you? They pushed you? What did Jamie say?’
‘He insisted I call the police.’
‘Good! And what did they say?’
Rebecca took a sip of her wine. Her lack of eye contact was not lost on Lisa.
‘You did call them, didn’t you, Becks?’
Rebecca shook her head.
‘Becks, you have to call the police. Even if you’re uncertain. You need to report it.’
‘And say what, exactly?’ Rebecca replied, thinking how Lisa was starting to sound a lot like Jamie. ‘That I’m being followed by the invisible man, by a ghost I haven’t actually seen?’ Rebecca wondered if perhaps confiding in Lisa was making things worse. She could be just as forthright as Jamie, and the last thing Rebecca needed was them joining forces and ganging up on her, insisting that she reported the incident to the police, despite the fact that she didn’t want to involve them.
‘It’s down to them to look into it. You are the victim here; you have nothing to prove. That’s their job…’ Lisa tailed off, the genuine concern obvious in her tone.
‘No. I don’t want the police involved. That will just make everything worse.’
‘How can it possibly make everything worse? They might be able to help you, Becks. They know how to deal with these things. Surely it would give you a bit of peace of mind, if nothing else. God, it’s no wonder you didn’t want to be by yourself tonight.’
Lisa continued, choosing her words carefully, ‘I don’t want to scare you, but what about your ex?’ Lisa said, broaching the subject after gesturing to the scars on Rebecca’s arms. ‘You said the other day he did that to you? That he hurt you? You don’t think it could be him, do you?’
Rebecca shakes her head. ‘No. It can’t be him. He’s dead,’ she says finally, taking another mouthful of wine, desperately needing something to take the edge off the conversation. ‘He died in a car accident.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Lisa said, unsure what to say. Rebecca never spoke much about her life before Jamie, but it was clear that whatever she’d been through hadn’t been good.
‘He wasn’t a good person…’ Rebecca shrugs.
‘Have you spoken to my brother about any of this? About Mark? About being followed?’
Rebecca shook her head. ‘I told him about being followed, but not about Mark. I don’t like to drag it all back up. That’s not my life anymore. I’ve moved on. And to be honest, I think your brother thinks I’m losing the plot.’ Rebecca laughed, though she wasn’t joking. ‘In fact, I know he does. After I said I didn’t want to call the police, he accused me of making everything up. I think he thinks the medication and post-natal depression is messing with my head.’
‘I’m sure he doesn’t think that at all. He’s probably just worried about you and doesn’t know how to deal with it all,’ Lisa said, her brow creasing, unconvinced.
‘What if he is right though, Lisa? What if this is all in my head? I mean, I’m not doing it on purpose. I’m not lying about it. But what if I’m seeing and thinking things that aren’t really there? I’m finding this all so hard. I thought I’d be good at it, being a mother, because I love Ella so much, more than I ever thought possible. But I just seem to be making a mess of everything. I just keep fucking everything up. Sometimes I feel like I’m falling apart. What if Jamie’s right, and I don’t even realise that I’m doing it?’
‘Oh, please! You’re being too hard on yourself! Look at her.’ Lisa nodded down to the monitor where Ella was soundly sleeping now, her face still and soft, her breathing slow and steady. ‘You’re doing a bloody amazing job. You’re a good mum. Just look at her. She’s perfect.’ It was Lisa’s turn to take a big gulp of wine then, shocked at her friend’s admission.
Being attacked and followed was one of the last things Lisa had thought that Rebecca would want to talk to her about tonight. She thought she was coming over to cheer her friend up. That they’d talk about her lack of sleep, or what a pickle Ella was being. Anything but this.