Right now, her only concern was Ella. She was the only person that mattered.
‘You know what, this whole conversation is pointless. I’m going to check on my daughter.’
‘You don’t need to keep checking on her, Rebecca. She’s fine, she’s sleeping.’ Jamie nodded to the baby monitor in the centre of the coffee table as usual. He laid a conciliatory hand on her arm to try to calm her down, but his small movement only seemed to ignite her temper further.
‘Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do with my own child. Someone’s got to keep her safe, because you don’t seem to be taking any of this seriously.’
Yanking Jamie’s hand from her arm, Rebecca couldn’t get out of the room quickly enough.
Scared that what Jamie and Officer Blythe were saying was true.
What if she had been hallucinating?
What if she really was losing her mind?
Chapter Twenty-One
Taking a slow deep breath, she grips the wooden railings of Ella’s cot in a bid to steady her trembling hands.
Rebecca knows she needs to stay calm.
Jamie was right. Ella was still fast asleep and the last thing she wants right now is Ella to wake and pick up on her own troubled mood, no matter how much she wanted to hold her close right now. Adding a crying baby to the already fraught atmosphere wouldn’t be fair to any of them.
The irony wasn’t lost on her though, as she stared down at Ella’s tiny hands, relaxed at her side, her chest rhythmically rising and falling with each slow, laboured breath.
Tonight, of all nights, was the first since she’d been born that Ella had slept through her night feed.
Rebecca was thankful for that, relieved that Ella was completely unaware of the drama that had unfolded around her tonight.
And she knew she needed to calm down before Ella awoke. That she needed to use the time wisely to get her head straight.
Because all that mattered right now was Ella.
It still shocked her how much love she felt for her daughter. How this one tiny person could invoke such strong feelings within her.
It was probably the first time since she was a little girl, that Rebecca had felt anything like it.
This real, genuine love had floored her.
She could still remember the icy terror that had swept through her as she’d eyed the blurred blue letters on the pregnancy test she’d done less than a year ago. How she hadn’t trusted the word that presented itself to her. PREGNANT.
Not until she’d gone out and bought another four tests, which had all confirmed the first test was true. She was pregnant. That word had sent her head into a complete spin. Just the thought of having a child growing inside of her, a life, had both terrified her and excited her at the same time.
And she’d been petrified from that moment on that it would all be so cruelly snatched from her.
Because she didn’t deserve to be a mother. To have her own child. Not after what she’d done.
So, she’d kept the pregnancy as her own little secret, just for a couple of days. So she could work out what she was going to do. Pretending that her morning sickness, sudden exhaustion, and the fact that she was turning down alcohol all down to a mild stomach bug.
Only Jamie had been suspicious, and she’d been careless and not hidden the tests deep enough in the kitchen bin.
She’d told Jamie that she’d been trying to let the news sink in, that she’d been getting her head around the fact that she was going to have a baby, before she told him. Part of that had been true.
But there was something else stopping her; she knew that the minute she told Jamie, it would all be real. There would be no going back. She’d have no choice but to go through with the pregnancy then.
Having a child of her own terrified her.
She wasn’t capable of looking after it, she wasn’t capable of giving it everything it would need.
And her fears about Jamie had been right. From the second that he found out Jamie had been ecstatic. Wanting to know every detail of her pregnancy. All about her cravings, and the chronic morning sickness she endured, and the first time she felt Ella move inside her.
He had been excited enough for them both.
And quickly Rebecca had felt as if the baby wasn’t just hers anymore, knowing that she would be forced to share all those precious moments that she’d wanted to quietly savour and relish while she got used to the fact that her world was about to completely change.
She worried that Jamie would see her deepest insecurities, that she wouldn’t be a very good mother.
But as soon as Ella was born it felt like Rebecca had never been without her. From the second the midwife had laid Ella in her arms and Rebecca had drunk in Ella’s red, squishy face. Her tiny pink mouth wide open as she squealed loudly, her tiny plump hand gripping at her mother’s finger, letting her know in every sense of the word that now she was here, everything would forever change.
And she had changed everything.
Ella had changed Rebecca.
She’d ignited something deep within her that wanted to protect Ella with every ounce of her being. No matter what.
Calmer now, Rebecca tiptoed over to the nursery doorway, lingering at the top of the stairs as she listened to the muffled voices in the hallway.
They were whispering about her.
Their voices were too low to make out any words, but Rebecca could imagine what Jamie was telling the officers. How he thought she was unstable. How she was acting crazy. The night terrors and panic attacks, and now this. Now she was seeing things that weren’t really there. She’d stabbed him with a knife.
But she had seen someone tonight. She was sure of it, though even she could see how unbelievable that might appear now.
How could there be no trace of him on the tapes?
Rebecca could hear another voice then, a woman’s.
Then more hushed whispers.
Wondering if it was another officer with an update on the intruder, thinking that perhaps they’d found him, Rebecca moved quickly, hurrying back down the stairs, stopping in her tracks when she saw Lisa looking up at her.
‘Becks! Are you okay? I heard the police sirens. Then an officer came to my door. I came over as soon as I heard,’ Lisa said, rushing to her sister-in-law’s side and throwing her arms around her as Rebecca came down the last couple of steps.
‘I’m fine. Ella’s fine. Did you hear anything? Did you see anything?’ Rebecca asked, grateful for Lisa’s concern.
Lisa will believe her. She’s sure of it.
‘Sorry, no. An officer told me what happened. I checked and I still have your key. They had a look around the place and searched the back garden. But they didn’t find anyone,’ Lisa said, pulling away from Rebecca to scan her face, worried. ‘You poor thing, Becks. You must have been petrified…’
Rebecca started to speak, but eyed Jamie standing with his car keys in his hand, holding her coat.
‘Where are you going?’ she asked, her eyes darting from Jamie to the police officer.
‘Lisa’s going to keep an eye on Ella for us. We’re going to go to the hospital,’ Jamie said, his gaze not meeting hers.
‘So, you can have your stitches?’
Jamie doesn’t answer, and she guesses he’s still angry with her, so Rebecca dutifully takes her coat, wrapping it around her shoulders. ‘Why didn’t you let the paramedics take you when they offered?’
‘She hasn’t woken for her feed yet. She might sleep through, but if she does wake, her milk’s made up in the fridge,’ Jamie continued, dismissing Rebecca’s question as he continues reciting a list of instructions to Lisa.