‘That’s just it, Rebecca,’ Jamie said. ‘All I saw was the state you were in. I didn’t see anyone else. Just you. And the tapes confirmed it too. There wasn’t anyone there.’
Jamie’s words stung. Forcing back her tears, Rebecca shook her head.
‘He was real. Jesus Christ! Why won’t you listen? What about Ella, all the time I’m here, she’s not safe!’
She closed her eyes in despair, aware that right now she was playing into their hands, proving them all right. Acting every bit as crazy and irrational as they were making her out to be.
She took a deep breath, then, looking at the officer, she tried again, trying to keep her voice calm and measured.
‘Please? This is wrong. I’m not crazy…’ Pleading with him to believe her, but Officer Blythe simply held his hands up, as if to say that it wasn’t up to him anymore. Making Rebecca feel as if she was losing all hope. He had been her only ally and even he was turning against her.
‘Rebecca Dawson?’ The lady smiled, appeared friendly, but Rebecca could detect a curtness to her tone. ‘My name is Davina. How about you come inside, Rebecca, and we can talk properly? It’s ever so cold out here and you look like you could do with a hot cup of tea.’
Rebecca paused, scared to go with the woman because then she’d be admitting defeat. She’d be condoning the police and the paramedics bringing her here.
‘They’ve made a mistake…’ she said again, helplessly.
The nurse simply nodded.
Pacifying her.
That’s what they were all doing; tiptoeing around her, because they all believed she was unwell.
They were all in this together.
And she was on her own.
Opening her mouth to speak, Rebecca faltered, no longer having the energy to protest her innocence.
What was the point? No one was listening to her.
Rebecca sucked down a mouthful of cool night air, trying to replace the oxygen in her lungs.
‘It’s freezing out here. Come on, let’s get you inside and all warmed up, shall we? The tea’s not bad here, as it goes. Might even be able to find a couple of biscuits too. How does that sound?’
Exhausted, Rebecca quietly complied with a nod. What else could she do? In the back of her mind she wonders whether she could get through to the nurse instead, if she could just contain her frustration and her temper.
If that’s what it took to get everyone to finally listen to her, then that’s what she’d do.
Fixing her gaze on her slippers as she steps across the pavement, Rebecca is suddenly conscious of what a sight she must look. She’s grateful for the coat that’s back around her shoulders, though she has no recollection of anyone placing it back on her. She tugs the material tightly around her in a bid to shield herself from the icy cold night, and also to hide her soiled nightdress, trying to conceal the streaks of mud and the grass stains from where she’d fallen earlier.
And all the smears of blood. Most of it is Jamie’s.
Turning and looking back at Jamie, who is walking just behind her now with Officer Blythe. Rebecca felt her fury subsiding, allowing room for guilt. She’d never meant to lash out and hurt him tonight, that had been an accident. She’d been scared. In time, hopefully he would realise that.
‘Here we are, Rebecca.’ The nurse smiled, guiding Rebecca into the warmth of the reception area, before quickly popping behind the desk and saying something to one of the other nurses there that Rebecca couldn’t quite hear. Their quiet voices only made her more paranoid about what they must be saying about her.
She only caught a few words as the two women checked the computer system and exchanged a few comments about which room was available for her.
Then speaking over her, as if she wasn’t even there, the nurse asked Jamie for their home address.
Rebecca bit her lip, pretending that she didn’t care, that she was too preoccupied with taking in her new surroundings. She allowed her eyes to sweep the reception area, taking everything in, all the while telling herself over and over to stay calm. Part of her still unable to comprehend that she was here. Inside a psychiatric unit.
A place for crazy people.
Not for people like her.
It was as if she’d stepped into some weird, distorted universe tonight. The world and everyone around her had gone mad. Not her.
And this place felt strange, as if it was trying too hard to disguise itself from what it actually was, the walls painted with muted shades of greys and lilacs instead of the usual cold, hospital white, broken up with abstract artwork. Bold streaks of purple and turquoise.
But it still smelt like a hospital. Clinical and sterile.
She eyed the small seating area to the right of her, seeing a coffee table with a stack of magazines splayed out and a water dispenser, before letting her gaze wander farther down the corridor, to a nurse writing on a chart that was pinned to one of the doors.
The place was so quiet, she thought, as everyone around her spoke softly.
Rebecca had imagined that these sorts of places would be rife with chaos and noise. That there would be people everywhere and no order.
But here even the staff seemed to talk in whispers.
Rebecca zoned back into the tail end of the conversation between Jamie and the nurse, caught the last hushed sentence.
‘Arrangements have been set in place. A private suite. She’ll be assessed first thing in the morning.’
The nurse’s words finally broke through her dazed spell.
‘First thing in the morning? You mean I have to stay here overnight?’ Rebecca interrupted, more confused than ever. ‘I thought I was just going to talk to someone?’
‘We’d really like you stay overnight, Rebecca. It’s almost 4 a.m., it’s very late now but we have a psychiatrist available first thing in the morning to offer you an assessment and then we can go from there,’ the nurse intervened, plastering on a fake smile again, her words coming out through tight lips.
‘I can’t stay here. What about Ella? What about my daughter? You can’t just keep me here against my will?’
Blinking back her tears, Rebecca felt herself losing her grip on sanity. She’d been foolish to believe that the nurse would listen to her, that maybe they’d believe her.
She was just the same as Jamie and the officers. Blinkered to the truth.
She wasn’t going to hear Rebecca out.
She didn’t want to help her at all, she just wanted to admit her without a fuss. All her niceties had just been a ploy to get Rebecca to comply and Rebecca had stupidly fallen for it.
‘Rebecca, you have been detained for your own safety. Technically, we’re allowed by law to keep you here for twenty-four hours. But we aim to get you seen by our psychiatrist as soon as he’s available, which is first thing tomorrow morning. Your initial assessment will let us know the necessary arrangements for any treatment or care that you require.’
Rebecca laughed then, incredulously.
‘I don’t need any treatment or care. I keep telling you all. There’s nothing wrong with me.’
‘If there’s been a mistake and you don’t need to be here, then please trust me, the psychiatrist will ensure the correct protocol is taken. But now that you have been detained and admitted you do need to have your assessment with him in the morning. This is all standard procedure, Rebecca. Until then, all I can do is make you as comfortable here as possible.’ The nurse spoke softly, trying to ease Rebecca’s concerns.
‘And what if the psychiatrist thinks I need further care? Then what?’ Her heart was hammering inside her chest at the thought.
Because the odds were against her now, weren’t they?
No one else believed her, not even her own husband. What if the psychologist didn’t either?